Name: CHEC Rocky Mountain Homeschool Conference
Start: 2025-06-12T00:00:00-05:00
End: 2025-06-14T23:59:59-05:00
Location: Denver, CO

Tagged: baby, obedience, productivity, Schedule

This topic has 7 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 14 years, 3 months ago by Sonya Shafer.

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)

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February 16, 2011 at 9:26 pm
akwiggy
Member
We are struggling around here with getting much done for school. My 3rd grade twin boys get about 10-15 minutes of copywork/writing and about 10 minutes of math done each day. I feel really lucky if I can also get them to sit still long enough to listen to their history reading online (librivox.org).
Other than that, it seems like one of three other things happen throughout the day:
1. I have to deal with the baby’s (1 y/o) or the other younger girls’ (3 & 6 y/o) needs or conflicts that arise or keep up with necessary household work (we live in a small house so we can’t function if the breakfast table isn’t cleaned off, for example; I do try to get them to help some, but they aren’t as cooperative as I would wish). So they are “waiting” for me.
2. They are distracted with wanting to play Legos, be silly, etc. so they don’t pay any attention to what their duties might be, or
3. I end up wasting time waiting for them to obey my instructions.
I see the main problem as being their obedience (my daughters’ too, but the boys tend to be the example). I think if they would just DO what I ask them to do in the time I ask them to do it, we’d get done and they could be free to play. As much as I lecture this to them (and they become discouraged because they KNOW they don’t have the habit of obedience and feel subsequently bad about it), it’s still a problem.
The consequence of this is that I never feel like we have TIME to even THINK about things like Nature Study, Handicrafts, Picture study, (most unfortunately) Bible, Science, Literature, etc…..It’s just all about crowd control and functional coping around here sometimes….
So, I have it posted on the dining room wall that the habit we’re working on is OBEDIENCE. I am hoping we can start to have better days as we draw close to this goal. But I’m not sure I see much progress after a couple of weeks. And I’m getting scared about all the time that seems to be wasted, in which we could be experiencing a “living” education (or maybe this whole struggle IS the education? But that seems really short on beauty and joy) …
I end up getting frustrated and angry at the children…which doesn’t help, of course. So, what’s my question? I think it’s twofold:
-Will we dismally fail this period of time if we are only doing math and writing? (And legos)
-How can I help my kids obey and use their time better? (what a broad question…sorry!)
Any other general advice is welcome. Sometimes I just wish I could sit down to tea with Charlotte and hash it out…but I do turn to God and cry out for help…
I apologize that I am not more succinct…I tend to be a wordy person. But I appreciate any advice anyone may have.
Thank you!
February 16, 2011 at 10:12 pm
Rachel White
Participant
It’s hard at this time of the year, but they really should be doing more than copywork and math at their ages. Plus, they are old enough to be held responsible for getting their work finished.
What consequences do you have for them when they don’t obey you the first time? If you don’t have consistant consequnces then you will just be lecturing (which accomplishes nothing-it’s basicly nagging; I know I’m good at it too) and they know what they can get away with if they can just survive the period of talking or fussing. They need to know what will happen when they choose to disobey; when they choose to antagonize the other or the younger ones (being a stumbling block to the other obeying, Scripturally speaking). You shouldn’t be waiting on them to start anything-you’re the one that should be in control of what you do, not them.
If they get legos or another item out when they aren’t supposed to, do you take it away from them for a specific period of time? For example, anything less than a day is long enough for them to really feel a loss. If their toys or other tempting things are within eyesight, then perhaps they should be moved and set firm boundaries on when certain items can be brought out. If they can use their legos quietly while listening to a history story fine, but I bet it just gets unruly, huh?
Use Scripture specifically related to obedience as copywork.
Do they have a schedule to look at that will require their participation in getting their work completed? For example, at their ages, they are old enough to take responsibility, plus with you having younger ones, they should be transitioning to more independance in their work so you can attend to the littles. A list of what’s expected that day that they have to show you and then check off would give them the info they need and hold them accountable.
Sorry if I’m abupt, but i am short on time. Just thought I throw some ideas out their for you to mull over.
Rachel
February 16, 2011 at 10:50 pm
LindseyD
Participant
I have some similar suggestions as Rachel, so forgive me if it seems repetitive:
1. Are you getting up before the rest of the family? If not, I suggest trying it for a week or two. You’ll be amazed at how refreshing it is to have some time to get dressed, read your Bible, get a chore or two done, etc. before little ones are begging for breakfast. And it just helps to mentally and spiritually prepare you for the day.
2. I agree that your 3rd-graders should be doing more than just math and copywork. At their age, it is perfectly acceptable to hand them, not only math and copywork, but also any reading assigments and expect them to get it done on their own. Of course, having some sort of “reward” at the end helps too. And I don’t mean saying, “Ok boys, if you get all this done you can have some candy.” I mean a natural, good consequence. For example, if they don’t get all the work accomplished diligently, then that’s 20 minutes less play time or lego time. Or if they do get it finished joyfully and diligently, then perhaps they could have an extra 20 minutes of play time or whatever. Natural incentive works wonders.
3. For your baby, do you have a “school box”? This would be a special box with quiet toys, books, and things that the baby is only allowed to have during school time. This is a great way to make the baby feel included in school, as well as giving him something to do while you’re trying to work with the others.
4. For arguing and bickering, I separate my children. I don’t warn them or give them second, third, or tenth chances. The second I hear arguing or fighting, they must go to separate rooms and stay on their beds. They enjoy being together so much that I don’t often have to carry out this consequence.
5. I second what Rachel said about Scripture to back up obedience. I love Hebrews 13:17: “Obey your leaders and submit to their authority, for they keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you.” I explained this verse in detail to my children, 5.5 & 7. I told them that I am responsible for protecting them and keeping them safe and that is one reason why it is important to always obey. The other reason is because it makes my work burdensome when they aren’t obedient, which is a bad deal for all of us. It is great for them and great for me if they obey and keep me and the household joyful and pleasant. This verse was monumental to establish first-time obedience (as was consistently carrying out natural consequences).
6. It is fairly simple to incorporate a few more things into your school that would make education more joyful and rich. For instance, you could hang a print from an artist on your wall and take a few minutes once a week to do a picture study and learn about that artist. You could have the music of Beethoven or Bach playing in the background while the boys work on their copywork. It only takes 5 minutes a couple of times a week to memorize a poem. Your boys should also be learning some light grammar, and I recommend English for the Thoughtful Child, Vol. 1 for that. Most of those lessons can easily be completed on the couch, without writing in the workbook. Get outside for some nature study with all the children a couple of times a week if you wish. There’s really no limit to what you can add in to your homeschool to make learning fun and loved by all, even you!
Your question: Will we dismally fail this period of time?
I don’t think it’s about passing or failing. It’s about how much your lives are enriched through establishing good habits and a love for learning. The two go hand-in-hand, and one is less pleasant without the other. Yes, everyday life is an important part of education, but you definitely want to add to life’s experiences by providing a firm foundation in Scripture and in good habits, interesting ideas for them to think on, and hands-on learning times found in nature study and science experiments.
I hope that has helped some. I, too, am short on time and need to be getting supper finished up. Please let us know if you need anything else.
Blessings,
Lindsey
February 17, 2011 at 1:56 pm
akwiggy
Member
Thank you Rachel and Lindsey for your words of wisdom. I think you’re right in so many ways. I especially see that I need to find ways to make their responsibilities THEIR responsibilities and not mine. Your suggestions for how to go about that are helpful. Thank you so much for your sacrifice of time to write so much! I pray that God will help me in these issues.

Blessings to you,
Alane
February 17, 2011 at 3:46 pm
Esby
Member
I am working on obedience with my 9yo boy. I tend to lecture, which does not work. (I have my own habit training to address!) What does work is calling him on disobedience IMMEDIATELY, not letting it slide. I also give him an assignment, whether it’s schoolwork or a chore, and remind him to tell me when he’s completed the assignment. If I don’t do this, he will go off on his own after the assginment…and that just leads nowhere productive. So, “Do your math and tell me when you’re done.” When he comes to me, I give him something else to do. My DH gave me the advice of keeping the kid busy, so I do. Of course, I’m not a slave master and when schoolwork and chores are complete, he has plenty of time to play. This is important as my son’s behavior is much, much better the more exercise and fresh air that he gets. I’m learning that in teaching him obedience, I myself need to be “be there” to keep things on track and I need to provide work, exercise, and fresh air (and I need to bite my lip when I begin to lecture).
February 17, 2011 at 5:35 pm
csmamma
Participant
I just wanted to encourage you & say that you are a good mother, you are not failing and God is on your side. There have many times in our homeschooling journey where all we did was math, writing and reading. It was enough to just get things in order in our home and in our hearts. Maybe this is that season for you. During this time, you could also have a small check list of things they need to get done before lego time, starting small until doing those things becomes a habit. May you find comfort in the arms of the Lord and ask for HIS wisdom & guidance; He will not fail you. Praying for you now….
February 18, 2011 at 11:00 pm
mama29
Member
akwiggy,
I understand your desperation. Thinking that nothing is getting done, why, when, how, etc,,,etc,,, I have 7 boys and 3 daughters ages 14 to 7 months and it has the same for atleast 10 years. Obedience is a issue, but not outright rebellion. Especially obedience with the drum roll…….boys. All that I have learned thus far by the grace of my wonderful hubby is boys are well boys. They grow up to be men, who are different from us, for which many women mistake as lazy or not taking part in the family or not strong, but truth is men are more big picture orientated, they don’t REACT to immediate, they take some time and really fix things instead of bouncing all around form one problem to another. And it LOOKS like they are doing nothing, but really they are doing EVERTHING. Women deal more in the moment, which as its reward is always fustration. So the same for boys, they may LOOK disobedient but it’s just NOT the case. Today my hubby was exhorting me about our 14 y/o son.. I am so fustrated thinking we are doing something wrong because he just doe’snt think, use common sense when doing things. And my hubby said when he was that age – he would do something and it ended up being very dumb and his dad would be hard on him and tell him that was so dumb (bad for self image) and my hubby knew it was and couldn’t believe he did it. That’s why so many more boys get hurt than girls. Example: Boys thought: If I can make my bike go 50mph up that ramp and wow go so high in the air, how cool. THAT is where it ends, they don’t continue the thought to my bike will come down and I am going to get very hurt. So they end up in the hospital with broken bones and parents nodding their heads saying, “What in the world were you thinking” and they boy laying there saying to himself i know it was dumb but I didn’t think this would happen, it also was cool. My long point is STOP STOP STOP. You must stop thinking how to fix your situation, because it will never work. You must go to your husband and use him as the thermometer,, let him think, pray, wrestle, and find the solution. Men are made to handle soooo much more than women. (to some womens disbelief and unacceptance) They do a great job of fixing! Your are teaching your children MUCH right now –is it submission, reverance, trust in GOD (my ways are not your ways, saith the LORD), peace that surpasses all understaing, and 1 Cor 13 LOVE, and Faith? Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and these things shall be added unto you. I AM learning all this now by the Grace of God.
You are focused on obedience, but what is your husbands will? And God’s?
Inperspective, so what if they are the most obedient, and know so much book smarts, if they go to hell?
In our life the Lord uses our children to show me and David our relationship to Him. Obedience has to be in mama and daddy towards the Lord before we can expect from our children.
I am tellin ya through first hand experience – stop trying to do anything and give it all to your husband. Let him deal with it, God calls us weaker vessels for a reason. Peace… Surrender all to God, He really is in control of our lives, whether we believe it or not. Take some time to make sure you and your husband are right with God.
Do you believe the God can change your situation in a moments time……..
February 19, 2011 at 3:21 pm
Sonya Shafer
Moderator
I applaud you, akwiggy, for recognizing this foundation to successful homeschooling. I often tell moms that the first lesson in homeschooling is obedience. If you have that in place, life will be much smoother.
Only two tidbits come to mind for you.
1. Consequences. Consequences can be a great tool for teaching obedience. So think through what consequences would be appropriate — both good and bad consequences. Don’t use good consequences as a bribe, but have some in mind that will encourage obedience.
2. Timing. If you feel like you are constantly repeating yourself and prodding the children to obey, you can adjust your timing. In other words, to get sooner obedience, apply the consequence sooner. There is a direct correlation. If you want your children to obey after you tell them the first time, then apply the consequence after the first telling.
I’m sure you know these ideas already, dear, but sometimes it helps to know that other moms can sympathize because we’re walking the same road.