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Love and discipline
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My DS (who turns 3 in March) told me tonight that I only love him a little bit, not a lot, because he doesn’t listen to me. Have any of you experienced this where your child thinks your love ebbs and flows with their behavior? How do you combat this false understanding and make sure the child knows you love them all the time no matter what? It breaks my heart! I’m kind of the softy on discipline so it shocked me he would think this. I tell him I love him a million times a day for crying out loud. Sigh…
I know EXACTLY how you feel!! My ds who is 4 does the same thing although his sister who just turned 7 has never done that. Just different kids. I had a wise friend tell me to be careful and don’t let him begin to manipulate me. Because once he began to see how it affected me he began to use it! They are smart smart little people!!! I just smile and reaffirm my love with hugs and kisses (which is not how I FEEL like responding!) and go about my business. I can ask him later “do you know how much I love you?” “Yes! You tell me ALL THE TIME!!!!” He has seemed to cut back a little on that. What he does now is when I tell him God loves him he sometimes says to me that God does not love him. And usually he does this when he is in a mood and justs wants to be difficult. I just smile and tell him that God loved him so much that He sent His son to die for him!It just seems like its one phase after another! And when you conquer this one it will be something new!
A big hug to you!!!!
dmccall3, I have one of those too. I have 3 dc – dd8, ds6 and dd4. It is the boy in the middle who does this to me! It is awful, I agree! I go through cycles of being soft on discipline and then tightening up (inconsistency is my worst enemy, I know), though he usually does it when I am tightening up, he’ll do it whenever he feels like manipulating. A friend once told me to acknowledge it when it happens (especially during discipline) and say something like “now, buddy you know that is not true and that mommy loves you with all her heart”, but then after the discipline give extra hugs and kisses in an exaggeratted way with tickles added until he falls down laughing. I started doing that and haven’t heard him do it in a while. It is hard, but they do know how to find those buttons and use them!
I have a little guy that’s 3 too. I’ve noticed that he will parrot back to me things he’s heard over the past few days, but in ways that shows he’s trying to make connections between things. Maybe he’s just trying to figure out what that “love” word means. On the other hand, my ds will also “test” me by saying something outrageous just to see what I’ll say or do and mostly he’s just trying to get a laugh or again, just see what my reaction is. BTW, I’ve always thought 3 was way harder an age than 2! Hang in there – it gets better! 🙂
Here is a book for you: The Way Mother’s Are. I can’t remember the author but it has cats on the cover. Very, very sweet.
Blessings,
Cindy
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