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long division nightmare or heart problem
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My ds is in the 4th grade and we are using Horizon math, For the past month, he has been learning how to do long division. It has been quite dreadful. Not too many days go by without whining, frustration, tears, etc. I don’t think he necessarily doesn’t understand how to do it…he just says he hates it. When he took his test today, he sat for three hours refusing really to even try. He had four division problems to do. He kept coming to me asking for help but I told him I wanted him to at least try. So he sat and cried and fussed and kept saying he wanted to just quit. It was a very long three hours. I don’t know that I handled the situation rightly whatsoever. I finally helped him endough to make it through the test. When I asked him afterwards whether he just doesn’t understand or if he just hates long division, he said he just hates long division. I am at a loss right now. I know that if we come to another hard topic in math, he will act the same way. I want to reach his heart, but I also want to be merciful when he truly doesn’t understand something. I question whether I can discern this b/c I feel like I’m being played a bit. If he thinks I will always jump to his aid, then I don’t know if I I’m teaching him how to work at problem. Any thoughts or suggestions will be so appreciated.
Warmly,
Stephanie
I loved math all the way through, but have to say that I never cared for long division – it takes FOREVER! But it does sound like he has an attitude problem. If he was giving it his best effort, I wouldn’t make him do any more than what he could do in 30 minutes, but with a bad attitude – I’d give him 30 minutes during school time and then assign the rest as homework during whatever part of the day that he enjoys the most – outdoor time, tv time etc… He might start working faster if he knows he’s going to have to miss out on something he enjoys and then HE is the bad guy because you’ve carefully laid out the reprecussions for dawdling, so he’s assigning homework to himself.
I have no advice better than what you have been given already, but I just wanted to chime in to say…Who DOESN’T hate long division!!! Seriously? It is hard to do, messy, time consuming and bewildering, especially at first!
I think some kids who have a lot of self-control to stick with it tolerate it better than others, but I can’t think of any of my kids (even the math-oriented ones) who loved long division.
As with practically anything in math, I would say the key is short lessons and repetition – frequent practice. There is also a lot to be said for taking a break from a skill set, working on something else for a season, and coming back to it when you think he is ready. It has amazed me that my kids would be utterly frustrated with a math concept, take a break for a couple months, and be able to grasp it so easily the second time around.
Blessings to you both…and phooey on long division ;0).
I tend to cut way down in the number of problems my kids have to do when it comes to long division. My theory is no adult can do 20 such problems in a row either. I know my brain would go googly of I had to. You have to know how to do it but the truth is in real life if you have that many to do, you get a calculator. I would sit him down at a calm time and say next time it is math, you will ask him to do 3 problem without whining. If he does them, great; he doesn’t have to do more that day. But if there is any bad attitude, he had to do the whole lesson.
Nebby
Thank you all for your responses. I do think that I need to reduce the number of problems that I expect him to do and revisit this topic a bit later. I certainly won’t mind leaving long division alone for a bit. Unfortunately, the attitude is something that hangs around in general. If its something he doesn’t like or doesn’t want to do, he has a very bad attitude. I have been questioning whether I even want to keep this homeschooling thing up with him. I just don’t know how to reach him anymore. I know God is faithful and I am earnestly praying for a break through with him.
I appreciate the helpful words and encouragement so very much.
Okay, re-reading your post I see that you do have more of a challenge on your hands than long division! Sorry that I gave it a cursory reading the first time through.
My question would be: how does he handle work in general? Does he get frustrated and quit easily at any task when it gets too hard? How does he do with chores, or manual labor that he is given to do? Is Dad working with him on developing a general work ethic? More is ‘caught’ than ‘taught’ and, from what I have seen, boys tend to do their ‘catching’ from Dad!
School work can be difficult – all work can be! Learning to press past a difficulty is a learned skill. So is handling frustration. Some people have temperments that enable them to handle frustration well, and for others it is going to take some work. But everyone can improve in handling stress and finding peace in trials – it is a lifelong growth process.
This is something we are dealing with in our household, as well. It is a delicate balance. You want to have a nurturing, fun environment…but the kids also have to learn responsibility and how to overcome a problem by pressing on.
I don’t really have advice – other than to keep relying on the Holy Spirit to know how and when to push your son a little. I would err on the side of encouragement and try to think of some fun ways that he can learn to ‘press on’.
I would NOT babysit him while he does his work :0). He should learn that his work is his job – not Mom’s!
My dawdling guy knows that sometimes his school day is going to bleed into afternoon play time…b/c he has chosen to dawdle during school time. I try not to be ‘snarky’ or ugly about it – it is just a fact of life! At the same time, I try to be sensitive to how much he can handle and not push him into the anger and frustration mode.
I hope that since I don’t have any grand advice, someone else will! In the meantime, I will pray for you and your little man. Be blessed and encouraged. You are planting the seeds, but God will see to the growth ;0).
I have a child who struggles with both math and attitude problems. The attitude gets worse if she’s not understanding. She also does pull the “it doesn’t make sense” many times though when I know she does. It is very hard to discern sometimes which problem you are having. The rule in our house with her is if she has a bad attitude she has to go take a “nap” until she is ready to come down with a cheerful heart and a good work ethic. Otherwise she monopolizes my morning and I have many other kiddos to take care of. Some days it goes on all morning/afternoon and I end up doing math with her before dinner, other days she decides she wants to work hard with a great attitude so it only takes one “nap.” It has been very helpful for all of us. Long division is not fun as the others have said, so I would definitely decrease the number of problems. It took my son almost 45 minutes to do 4 (esp. if he missed one) and that was fine with me. We just talk about how there are many things in life we don’t like to do, but have to with a good attitude ( work, cooking all the meals:). Keep pressing on
All I can say is I can relate on both the math issues and bad attitude. I have one child in particular who DRAINS me with his attitude. There is really no advice that has worked, including prayer. I am not saying at all that prayer is not answered, but at this point in time God has remained silent. I just don’t know what else to do. My DH is probably going to enroll our one son in the PS next year if not in the next few weeks. He is just done with it all. He is not a big homeschool advocate, though he believes it is good for our children, but he doesn’t mind sending them to the PS either.
Just today, everything went downhill as DS, who is in 5th grade, decided he didn’t even know how to reduce a fraction! He does and has for a long time. He did finally do it, but not w/out an angry outburst and tears and me not handling it well, and DH, who is rarely home during the day, being here to see it all. About once a month now, DH threatens to send DS to school. DS knows how DH feels about it, for better or worse.
I know everyone says limit TV (we do), take away privileges (doesn’t work) and a myriad other things, but unless you’ve parented a child like this you just don’t understand. Strong-willed is putting it mildly. I have cried a river over it, but I don’t have any real answers. I would say for a 4th grader though, if he is struggling with long division, just put it to the back burner for awhile. There is plenty of time for it later. Or at the very least set him up for success by giving him problems that are very easy in nature with lots of 1s and 0s and no remainders for the time being.
Along with dealing with heart issues, we want to do all we can to encourage and help. I’m glad to hear both of those points coming from your hearts, ladies.
Reading this topic reminded me of an interesting method of doing long division that a friend introduced to me. The traditional way of setting up and working through a long division problem wasn’t clicking with her daughter. When she showed her this approach, it made more sense. Here’s a simple video that explains it. Maybe it will give some of you some encouraging tools as you teach your children the thinking behind long division.
Again, my deepest appreciation for all the encouragement. I will pray for those of you in similar circumstances b/c I know the struggles. Thank you Sonya for the link. I will definitely give that a try when we revisit long division.
This older post has just blessed me so much. I have a DS 10 in 5th grade struggling thru Long Division in Horizons. Same attitude issues as described by others. It’s so comforting to know that I’m not alone and to get good advice. I even watched the You Tube video recommended by Sonya. It was quite interesting.
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