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long distance family vs educational trips
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I am looking for some perspective from other large (we have 4 kids) families who live far from their extended families. We live 11 hours from my family and 6 hrs from DH’s family. In the past, we have traveled both places a couple times a year, and it’s getting pretty old! Now that the kids are getting bigger (oldest is 10), we are realizing how much we want to be able to travel to see cool places (Boston, out West, National Parks, etc). DH only has 3 weeks vacation, so there isn’t much left, especially for a bigger trip far away (we are in the Southeast). Anyway, so I am thinking of only visiting our families once a year and my parents are pretty much flipping out about the change. They are saying things like, we aren’t a priority to you, and how can we have a relationship with visits once a year. We do Skype with my parents weekly, but they can’t/WON’T travel to see us except HOPEFULLY once a year. DH’s dad visits us a few times a year and is fine with whatever we decide and whenever we visit.
Can I have some perspective here from other moms? I am thinking of setting it up that we travel to DH’s family every July 4 week and my family every Thankgiving, leaving us other times of year for other educational travel. Is that reasonable?
I’m not sure I have any answers to your question but I can tell you about our situation.
We live 24hrs from my family and I am the oldest with the oldest grandchildren. My mother dreams of the day that we will move closer but as our 9 children get older that is becoming less and less likely. Our oldest is now married and has made the visit once to my family since he got married a year ago.
When our children were younger we made the trip approximately twice a year and my parents once a year. Since then the frequency varies. We moved and began a small hobby farm and my husband runs his own business so it has gotten harder and harder to get away. My parents are farmers so it is difficult for them to get away but they make every effort to make it happen. Between our trips and theirs we have gone two years without seeing them. This is very difficult for my mom and it is hard to get her to understand that this is where God wants us. I do speak to her every few weeks on the phone but I am bad for sending pictures and the like. She does have my sisters and their families close by.
As my children grew older in order to see more places we would go out of our way a few hours or more to visit National Parks and other scenic areas and then we would cut our visit a little shorter visiting family. This was not always so well received but we needed to do it for our family and my mother came to realize that if she wanted to see us it was best to enjoy every moment she could get and to be thankful for it. We tacked on visits to Theodore National Park, Glacier Park, the Black Hills and many other places. I should note that we have not exhausted places of interest to visit while visiting my family.
It is becoming more and more difficult to travel as a family with my older children working, some of them with my husband. My husband’s work is seasonal so the best time for trips is in the winter but that limits us as we head west. We do winter sports but it’s not the same as summertime.
This past summer I made the trip with the younger children and an older child to help with the driving. My sisters went camping with their children and my boys joined them and I stayed with my parents and visited the campers daily with my younger three. We did sightseeing and hiking that my children had never done before. We had so much fun.
Oh, and we rarely make it specifically for special events. Two years ago we visited my family over New Years because that was the only time my son’s fiancee had time off from college. That was three weeks before my parents 40th wedding anniversary but they were so glad to see us it really didn’t matter.
I guess I gave you more than what you were looking for but wanted to say that I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all and I think your family will really enjoy seeing new places.
In this day and age families rarely live all in the same town as mine mostly did growing up in SC. Until he died, my dad lived in SC (except last two months when I moved him to FL when he was sick). He came to FL to visit us 3-4 times a year. We went to see him 3 times since having kids 16 years ago. It was simply easier on all for him to come. My mom is in town and we see her often. In-Laws in town, we see them at church and maybe at one another’s home 3-4 times a year max. My mom-in-law wants us to come to her, but she’s retired. I’ve got 4 kids to manage with life. Hubby’s family lived in MA and TX when the grandparents lived in FL. They made the trip once a year if they could afford it.
My family loves to travel. We do us and what’s best for us. That means we’ve taken the family on missions trips, we rented a house on gulf coast for a few weeks, we go to Utah, nyc, and other places. Sometimes all of us and sometimes a subset. I’m taking dd10 to nyc for the first time next week.
No one begrudges it, but I’d do it regardless. Hubby and I are accountable for our brood. The world is too big to limit ourselves to one spot if we can manage others.
We all have limited time and budgets. My hubby travels a lot so we have a ton of ff miles which helps. However, I’d discuss with hubby and kids and make a plan for what you’d enjoy most. Do that. Invite family to join you. Or not. Welcome them to come to you. If they aren’t farmers or something similar, they should be able to make it happen if it’s a priority to them. Visitation should be a joy, not s burden.
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