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Little Rant lol!
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Sonya, yes knowing there are others is a wonderful comfort and knowing that others don’t think I am being cruel and keeping them in a bubble makes me and the girls feel so much better. Someone only today told me, it was time to let them learn by making the mistakes, because that is the only kind thing to do!! I let that one go, as it did not deserve an answer really. You make a very good point, and I know the girls have felt better with me relating some of the posts on here to them…every family is different as is every circumstance, and while I have a special needs daughter with spatial awareness issues and memory issues, and another struggling with a debilitating ailment I believe they need to be home, and they are welcome as long as they want to be here…..I appreciate your words and those of the other ladies, sometimes this is a lonely path to walk and this forum is an amazing blessing, where we can share such concerns and worries and get good counsel. Thank you……Linda
You’ve had some great advice!
I, too, will be allowing my dc (planning on that) to continue living at home until the time they marry or choose to go elsewhere on their own. Even if they did choose to leave, and then circumstances changed or they found that they weren’t able to do what they thought they could, they would still be allowed to return. I’m OK w/ that. It’s a tough world out there and isn’t like it was even when I left home.
At this point in their lives, you can start teaching/showing them more of the realities of life (if you haven’t already) and help them learn how to completely manage a home and finances on their own. Having them save and budget for themselves w/ you’re guidance is a wonderfull thing. By having them pay rent (either to you or themselves), you’re preparing them to budget realistically, not just on paper. They can face those realities w/ support and direction.
When family doesn’t understand what you’re doing and makes these rude comments it’s even harder. They ARE aware of the physical limitations of your girls and the disasterous conditions that have contributed to the set-back. They should be supporting us and lifting us up. Sadly, family doesn’t always do what we need them to. They can be as much a part of the world as those strangers. (I know.) The outside world is not aware of your particular circumstances, so just ignore those. And, tell your girls this. It’s good for them to know how the world thinks and how you feel/think about it. As for family, just politely tell them that you’re glad they care enough to be concerned, that you are doing what is best for your family/situation/circumstances, and that the topic is not open for discussion. If they can respect that, then great. If not, then you’ll just have to mentally prepare yourself for when you see them. IOW, you know they are going to comment, you know they are just spouting what the world would say, and you can ignore/smile/quip your way through the visit – maybe even avoid them altogether.
You are not alone in this. Keep your chin up and keep plugging away! You’re doing a GREAT job!
When I was in high school (private, not homeschool), my dad told me that my younger brother and I were welcome to stay at ‘his’ house as long as we wanted, provided we were willing to abide by the rules and conditions set by the parents. He warned that if we decided we wanted to leave for whatever reason, that was fine but that we had better be ready financially, emotionally, etc, because once we left, we were not invited to return.
I thought (as a 17-year-old) that sounded reasonable, so I agreed. When I went off to college, I assumed incorrectly that I was just going off to college and would return for vacations and summers. My dad assumed I had officially moved out, so he repainted my room that first semester, got rid of all my furniture and established a hobby room for himself instead. When I came home at Christmas break, I slept on the couch. I never returned after that and it was a large rift for many years between him and I.
In fact, I left the church at about that time and wasn’t saved until I was 37 years old, almost 20 years later. The intervening years were not pretty, and it is with that knowledge that I will happily welcome my two daughters (presently only 4 and 7) to stay on with us as helpful members of our family until they are married or otherwise committed. We are hoping to have a family business by that time so that they can learn many of the skills they will need either for occupational or missionary work or for managing a household. Or both.
Your daughters can count their blessings that their parents care so deeply for their current and long-term well-being. The world is very broken and the opinions of those of the world are not applicable to how you are raising your kids.
Many prayers for smooth sailing, Linda.
Jenni
Thank you Kerby and thank you Jenni for your testimony.. it is so gratifying to read these things and so nice to know we are not alone – we are used to neigbbors thinking we are weird for homeschooling and being so family oriented, bur these criticisms and comments about ruining our children have rather bemused and I will admit upset me, as I don’t see what the problem is….I was grateful to my mum and dad for allowing me to find my feet and allowing me to stay as long as I wanted, and also to return when I needed to. I spent a year in Australia and when I returned, I returned home while I found a job and then went off to Germany to work as a medical secretary – my life would have been so different if they had not been that way with me. I would never have been able to work in Germay and done so many things, without that home base…and I will always be grateful to them, because it was through working in Germany that I many years later met my husband. The world is broken and sadly we have experienced some of that and yes we are now cautious about our daughters and their wellbeing is vital to us. It does not mean we are imprisoning them – it means we are allowing them to become who they want to become in a safe environment. I appreciate the thoughts and prayers and above all the knowing that we are not alone in this, even though it sometimes seems that way…..thank you.
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