Letting Go of “Am I Doing Enough?”

I sitting here pondering next year. I have will have a 6th grader (who is mildly dyslexic) and 2nd grader. I also have a 3 year old that tags along.

I am writing this because I am struggling with what I really want to use curriculum wise. I am part of a CM co-op that uses AO. I love the moms and my children have made sweet friends. I tried to use AO this year and it was a lot. I constantly felt like I was pushing to get to the next book. I love the literature selections and I do read them to my oldest daughter (which I love to do) because she is mildly dyslexic. I know CM said to give the child the very best books and ideas available to the child. With that being said, I feel burdened by it. The moms at co-op are completely dedicated to AO and are ok with missing things like nature study and handicrafts, but I am not. I don’t want to do Plutarch and Latin until high school even though CM started in 4th grade. They say you do not have to use AO to be a part of the co-op, but pridefully I wonder what they would think about me and my children if I didn’t. I look at SCM Individual and Enrichment Studies and I love it, but then a little voice whispers “It’s not rigorous enough.” “Think of what the mom’s at co-op would say.”  “Think of how you aren’t valuing your child because you aren’t using beautiful but very difficult books starting in year 1.” “Your schedule would be too easy.” You can’t do handicrafts in the morning, it’s an afternoon occupation.” Your daughter will be in 6th grade. What have you done with her education?” “You aren’t pushing her to be independent enough.”  “You don’t need to combine much with such an age gap in your children.”

As you can see, I am having a hard time refuting the lies I know that all of these things are. How do I just let go of this burden? How do I reconcile using what I think would be lovely and allow me to have margin in my day vs the rigor and ability to say we do all this too at co-op. How do I let go of the fear that I am not preparing my almost  6th grader for her future school years?

Thank you all for reading this long and anxiety ridden post.