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Laying Down the Rails….late start
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Considering Laying Down the Rails……We have 3 children, ages 17, 10 and 7. While I feel like we have disciplined and trained them over the years the best we knew how, (also getting MANY resources to help us rear them Biblically) I know we haven’t been consistent. I now realize we have bounced from the authoritative to permissive to passive parenting in a vicious circle. Praise God that He’s given me the grace to humbly apologize to the children when I get it wrong!! There are so many opinions on child rearing even among Christians and honestly we haven’t found a resource that was simple enough to be consistent. Also, working against us is the fact that neither my husband or myself had the training of habit instilled in us during our upbringing. Oh how I wish my parents had trained me the “CM way”, not only for my own benefit but for our children’s as well. But that’s all in the past….
I feel overwhelmed with trying to train them using this habits method, realizing that the best years to do this have already passed. Also, trying to “teach” this when I’M not proficient at it. Does anyone have advice for getting started late?
Thanks,
MJ
Hi there MJ
Have you heard of No Greater Joy ministry? Michael Pearl has a wonderful CD called “Starting Over”. Its all about starting later in the areas of discipline and training with older children. If you are interested I can give you that website.
I know that for me,I’ve had to work on forming my own good habits and then letting the children learn by example. My older son(almost 13) seems to respect and obey me in such a greater way, when he sees me practicing what I preach- and especially when there is a smile on my face 🙂 .
I can’t tell you how many times I use to nag him for not getting his bed made (for example) when mine was still unmade. LOL! Then, the Lord convicted me (gently-I might add) that I was expecting more out of my children then I was myself.
I know that I need to FIRST form my own good habits with a cheerful and thankful heart-then proceed to teach them by example. However, you may already have been doing this and if so I call you “Blessed”. 🙂 This seems to be an ever work in progress for this household.
Though I’m not a Bible scholar, I was reminded recently of Matthew 7:3-5 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brothers eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, “Let me take that speck out of your eye” When all the time there is a plank in your own eye? First, take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brothers eye.” I’m smiling as I write this because I can just picture myself with a huge log in my own eye as I go about my day in an undisciplined manner- trying to get a teeny speck out of my dc’s eye.LOL
This is not to imply in any manner that you are in this same place, I’m only sharing where we have been. I don’t think its ever too late to teach by example. If there is any area of your life where you need to work on habits, I suggest starting there. If not – can you share your wisdom with me as I am still working on this? 🙂 I’m considering ordering Laying Down the Rails myself.
I’m sure there are many others (more seasoned then myself) here who will have many more helpful suggestions for you.
Also, have you heard Sonyas message yet “Keeping Our Childrens Hearts”? Oh I can not recommend this enough! No matter how old your children are it will touch at every point.
Blessings to you, MJ!
Heather
(Helpmeet to Tim for 15 years and Mamma to 3 – ds 12, ds 7 and ds 9 months)
I believe LDTR is a MUST have. Mine is tattered and well used and by far the most valuable CM resource I have (outside Ms. Mason’s book series). I only say that because although I do have her 6-volumes that I read consistently, this lovely book has all the wisdom regarding “habits” in one easy to read book.
AND, there is a wonderful checklist in the back that we use to evaluate ourselves and find areas where we need to focus more attention.
You will not be disappointed.
Heather,
What a wonderful post you have written. You nailed me head on about nagging about the bed when my own is not made. There are many areas that I need to work on it order to be a better example to my own children. Oh where to start. I think I need to spend much time praying about that one.
Thank you so much for your post.
Hey Heather,
Thanks for the info. I too have been convicted about leading by example, maybe not so gently, but then again I don’t always “get it” when it’s just a gentle nudge…ha ha!! I’m glad God is patient because I’ve been working hard in this area, but seem to take 1 step forward and 3 steps back–I guess old dogs don’t learn new tricks very quickly!!! LOL
You know, after I read your message it occurred to me that we could do Laying down the Rails as a family. This could be a good opportunity for the kids to see that even mom and dad have lots to learn and an opportunity to show by example that at any age we can improve and should.
I’ll definitely check out Sonya’s message. Thanks again!!
Blessings,
MJ
MJ,
What a wonderful idea about doing it as a family. I have so many things I want to buy from SCM (OK….I’ll be honest I want to buy every thing.). But, right now with Jarret having been home for 8 weeks that is just not an option.
But, I will definitely have to add this one to my MUST buy list when I order our stuff for next school year. I need the push to train myself better in order to train my children better.
Could you list some specific habits, please?
I am planning on working on a “Habit of the Week” this year.
I am especially interested in character building habits.
My ideas: 1. Honesty
2. Compassion
3. Soft-spoken
…
I just got Laying Down the Rails and I love it. The checklist in the back of the book is worth the cost of the e-book.
Rather than working on a habit a week I am selecting 3-4 habits a term. I select one mental habit, one moral or religious habit, and 1-2 decency/propriety or physical habits. This gives us enough variety to make it not overwhelming.
Jill
We did a series on habits a while back and posted the list in categories. If you read these blog posts, you should see the same habits as are listed in Laying Down the Rails. Of course, the book will give much more detail and specific suggestions for cultivating the habits, but these lists might help you think through which habits you want to focus on.
Hope this helps!
Hi,
I’m so glad I found this discussion. But I have a question related to this. I’m going to be focusing on obedience with the kids. But do I also work on the habits of honesty and caring for own belongings at the same time? Or do I work on just one at a time and then add on (kind of how the bible memory is done)? Thank you everyone. 🙂
God Bless!
The way I understand teaching habits is to focus on one habit for 4-6 weeks. When that habit is pretty well instilled, you move to the next one carefully watching over and maintaining the previous ones taught. Now that you mention it, I guess it is similar to the Bible memory system. In my heart, I feel that if I focus on obedience, attention and truthfulness first (the top 3 that Charlotte wrote most about–thank you Sonya for discovering this through your research!), then the rest will be easier. Maybe I’m just dreaming, but it’s a great place to start anyway. 🙂
Blessings,
mj
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