I would like a few opinions about a situation I have. It is about kids birthdays in the family. I have one 10 yr old boy with SPD and he does not like to have birthday parties. We usually have something simple at home with just us and if the rest of the family wants to send him a gift, great. (He has 3 uncles and one set of grandparents here in the town we live in, the rest of family is a couple states away.) One of my sister-n-laws has 4 kids and has 3 birthday parties for each of them–one for just them, one for the rest of the family and one for their friends. She has forgotten my son’s birthday several times. I have not forgotten any of her kids ever. The last party we went to she complained non stop about how two of the uncles couldn’t make time to come over to see their niece and nephew and bring a gift. She and her husband (this is my husband’s brother) make probably 3x what anyone else in the family does plus she receives a great deal of things from her father who has a great deal of money and is still supporting her. She is always complaining and rude to others in the family, bragging about what they have, etc.
My question is should I still send a gift to each child seeing as we have very little money and her kids get TVs, bedroom sets, pianos as gifts? I don’t want to ignore the kids but the last time we were at the party the kids just opened the gifts, threw them aside and went and played with their Wii. Will we even be missed?
Needless to say I don’t associate much with this particular sister-n-law (and neither does another sister-n-law) because of the way she acts and treats us but I am trying not to involve the kids. Unfortunately whenever my son asks if her kids can come over here or he can go over there, she says they are too busy and she will have to see. It crushes my son. What do you all think?
That’s a hard situation to be in. Unfortunately I don’t have much advice to give. Have you talked about this with your husband? What does he think? It sounds like if you “cut the ties” so to speak, it will make it even more difficult to get along with her, yet I know how it is not to be able to afford gifts and such for others. Maybe ask her what would be a little thing you could get the kids that they would enjoy. Or one bigger thing for all of them. I know sometimes I wish people would ask me for ideas!
Yes I have cut most ties with her because of the way she has treated me in the past. She would ask me to do her favors (watch the kids, watch her pets, pick something up for her) but when I have asked for help she tells me she does not have time because she has so many kids! My husband would not have anything to do with her either except she is married to his brother, so what can he do? He doesn’t want to fight. I have asked what her kids have wanted in the past but she always gives me ideas for things I cannot afford. She knows we don’t have much and I have told her the budget is $10-15 per kid but she always mentions gifts that cost more like $25 and up. Not sure what I should do.
I would probably try to just keep it simple so as not to hurt feelings. I wouldn’t go over budget. I know my kids love getting cash or gift cards. Or maybe something like books or a magazine subscription? I just saw Ranger Rick was on sale for $10 for a yr.
Whenever I happen to be shopping and see toys/gifts clearanced cheap I’ll pick some things up and save them in a bag for whenever a b-day comes up so I’m not stressing at the last minute and always paying full price. Or a cute idea I once read was buying a video (Walmart has them cheap sometimes) and wrapping it w/a bag of microwave popccorn. Don’t know if that helps much:) Gina
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