Keeping your marriage alive

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  • January 5, 2013 at 2:25 am
    Sara B.
    Participant

    Curious what other couples do to keep their marriage alive and well during the homeschool years.  Hubby and I need some serious date time.  Just not feeling very close to each other lately.  But not a lot of money for going out.  How do you all keep things “spicy?”  (No, I don’t need graphic details.  LOL)

    January 5, 2013 at 2:44 am
    ServingwithJoy
    Participant

    LOL, Sara. My husband and I once went 8 years without a date. Sad, I know (finances, babysitters, constant pregnancy or nursing, etc…)!

    BUT, after some rocky times we definitely saw that we needed to focus on our marriage more. Not just for our sake, but for our kids, as well.

    So, we do some things now to be intentional and make sure we never ‘go there’ again!

    1. Kids get in bed early and we spend at least 15 minutes (and sometimes all night) catching up and talking about our day and what is going on with us.

    2. Dates once a month, at least. And we try to make it a pretty even mix of things that are fun for him, things that are fun for her, and things that are fun for both. We both agree on eating out, for example, but I don’t like movies…my husband does. So sometimes we go to the movies, but sometimes we hang out at the bookstore and have coffee (my favorite date). Occasionally we do something active like golf, or something just plain fun, like a Christian concert. The key is the make it something you are both going to look forward to.

    3. Be sure that you don’t get so stuck in Mommy mode that you forget to be a wife…I think you know what I mean ;0).

    4. HELP your husband with something. I often serve my husband (meals, cleaning, etc…) but I forget to HELP him with things! So if you see that he is taking down the Christmas lights alone, get out there and help him as much as you can. You can encourage him at least! My husband loves it when I come alongside him to be a helpmate.

    5. Choose a devotion that you two can do together and pray together every day. This saved our marriage – seriously.

    6. We try to get away alone at least twice a year. For me, the kids’ needs are just too urgent for me to ignore when I am with them. It takes me getting away for a couple of days to really connect with my husband again. It doesn’t have to be expensive – get creative! Maybe you have friends or family you can trust and swap weekends (and houses) for childcare? You can trade services (like cleaning or carpooling)for a weekend of childcare. Or you can go to a state park and camp out in the summer for a night or two? Think outside the box and God will help you find a way to make it happen.

    Just realizing that you need to focus on this is the main thing. Being aware of your spouse and your need to be close with each other does so much to bring you together.

    Blessings and Happy Marriage in 2013!

    Heather

    January 5, 2013 at 5:58 am
    MamaSnow
    Participant

    We have found it helpful to have date nights at home, since going out isn’t often a possibility for us either. We put it on the calendar and honor it the same way we would any other social commitment. We feed the kids something simple and send them to bed (or the older ones may watch a movie in our bedroom), and then have a candlelight dinner together – sometimes it’s takeout, sometimes I’ll make something special, sometimes just dessert. And we talk about stuff. Sometimes we’ll watch a movie or something too, but we try to make sure we’ve had some talk time first. I had struggled to make this work in the past, but this past year we’ve stuck to our guns and it’s made a huge difference for us. We go out for real on occasion too, but in our situation ($ and lack of babysitting), this only really happens once or twice a year. We try to make it really special when we do, though. =)

    We also like to read something together at night…we don’t do this always, but have on and off over the years. Right now it’s The Hobbit.

    HTH,

    jen

    January 5, 2013 at 9:13 am
    HiddenJewel
    Participant

    We rarely go out. We do talk for a few minutes every evening when he comes home for work. But the biggest thing is that our lives are intertwined even when we are apart. We stay intentional about the other person being an integral part in our life. When we start to get so busy doing our own thing and start walking parallel paths instead of intertwined paths, it is time for us to readjust our mindset. So for us it isn’t about dating or not dating. It is about our heart being wrapped around the other’s. Keeping that priority has given us 19 good years.

    January 5, 2013 at 3:15 pm
    pianogirl363
    Participant

    My husband and I started planning weekly at-home date nights this past year and they have really halped keep more romance in our relationship with little ones around. We take turns planning the dates and it gives an extra bit of excitement to the week as we anticipate what the other has planned.

    I just shared a bunch of our date night ideas in a blog post a few weeks back. Maybe they’ll give you some ideas to start with!

    http://wheremytreasureis.wordpress.com/2012/12/12/at-home-date-nights/

    ~Anna

     

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