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Just found out we are moving! HELP!
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Just found out yesterday,and I am beside myself! I couldn’t even do school today because I just cannot think clearly! LOL!
My boys have lived here a long time! My 8yr old has been in this house since he was 2 and my 6yr old since he was just a few months old. Personally, I have moved a lot as an adult. But never when I was a child. I grew up in the same house that my mother who recently died lived in. So my question is, if any of you have moved as a kid and/or with your children? How do I approach the move? My oldest is upset about it. And we have talked about “HOME” is wherever we are. And all the opportunities, including family, are available! We have never lived near our family. He just says, I don’t want to leave!
Anybody got any advice on how to prepare my boys? What have you learned to do or not do through experience!!?? FYI, my oldest is very sensitive, has some sensory disorders, and can get OCD about things at times!
Thank you for your input!
We have moved three times in the last three years! Thankfully, our current home is going to be permanent, at least for a few years. I totally understand wanting to prepare your young children for a huge transition such as this.
I think outlook is key. If you are speaking positively about the move, getting excited about this “new adventure”, looking forward to the changes ahead, then your boys will pick up on that attitude. If, however, you are dreading it, negative about it, stressed, or scared, your boys will pick up that attitude as well. Try to point out all the great things about your new place. Find some cool attractions in the new area, such as a cool museum, aquarium, or zoo, and show them to your boys. That will give them something to look forward to.
Also, I have learned over the years that giving myself enough time to pack also helps tremendously eliminate the stress of a move. With our last move, all boxes were packed, except for bare necessities, about two weeks before the move. Not only did that help my stress level, but it also helped the kids to wrap their heads around our move. On the day of the move, it was simply a matter of carrying the boxes onto the truck, cleaning the old place, and leaving. We were all so excited about our new home that we couldn’t even think about being sad to leave the old house.
So, to sum it up: keep a positive attitude, give the family lots of things to look forward to, and give yourself lots of time to prepare (physically and emotionally).
Finally, I would allow them to grieve, if they need to. If your current home is something they’re really attached to, it’s ok for them to be sad about leaving. It’s ok for them to cry. Just as long as you’re constantly encouraging with the new, exciting adventures to come.
Hope that helps,
Lindsey
I agree with Lindsey. We have moved twice in 2010. And when the oldest 1 was just a baby twice. My oldest 3 girls still sometimes say they miss our old house, and we had only been there about 5 1/2 years. Let them be sad, but definitely keep a positive outlook. They *will* adjust, some do take longer than others. Take lots of pictures, and make a scrapbook, or frame them, or something they can look back at and remember often.
Depending on how long you have until your move, let them help as much as possible. Look at things carefully – do they want those things at the new house, too? (Watch out – this can get dangerous LOL) Let them help you decide on a few things to sell/donate, and let them help you plan out your new house, as well. They need to close out this chapter of their lives just as much as you do, but they also need to be able to start opening the new chapter.
BTW, I am assuming you are moving for a job or family? It also seems like this is a sudden move. A sudden move can require extra time to lay it all out for the kids. For us in 2010, we had been talking about moving for a few years, but in the same area. When our house finally sold, we had switched gears and decided to move to another state instead, but the kids had about 2 months total to get used to the idea. IMO, that was sudden for them. They adjusted nicely, but like I said, they still miss the old house a lot, even saying that one is their favorite house still.
Hope some of this helps! Good luck with the move!
We have moved about 18 times since the girls were born and they are now 19!!! To be fair one of those sets of moves was after hurricane Katrina when we were forced to move multiple times after we lost our home. We have always tried to make the moves and adventure, whilst allowing the grief feelings and sadness of leaving familiar things. It is hard for kids to leave the familiar and comfortable behind but there are always new adventures waiting around the corner – and that is the approach we have taken. We always made sure we were upbeat about the moves even when in reality we were not…however mom and dad being positive always helps. We try and get brochures our our new country/town/place and start to plan the things we can do when we get there – we try to scope out a church ahead of time and things that are exciting to look forward to. We make sure that they know they can stay in touch with old friends while looking forward to making new ones. We had them help in the moves by packing up their very special things and setting aside the things they could take on the plane, or in the car for safe keeping. Even with all this there are challenges, but kids are resiliant and with little ones I often think it is easier than with teens – teens miss their old social life a lot more than the littles, and that can be more of a challenge – patience is the key there, and understanding that it is not their choice, and they have issues of loss and sadness – in the end with love, encouragement and patience it can go smoothly – trust me I have lots of experience in this department. Blessings and good luck – Linda
We have moved about 18 times since the girls were born and they are now 19!!! To be fair one of those sets of moves was after hurricane Katrina when we were forced to move multiple times after we lost our home. We have always tried to make the moves and adventure, whilst allowing the grief feelings and sadness of leaving familiar things. It is hard for kids to leave the familiar and comfortable behind but there are always new adventures waiting around the corner – and that is the approach we have taken. We always made sure we were upbeat about the moves even when in reality we were not…however mom and dad being positive always helps. We try and get brochures our our new country/town/place and start to plan the things we can do when we get there – we try to scope out a church ahead of time and things that are exciting to look forward to. We make sure that they know they can stay in touch with old friends while looking forward to making new ones. We had them help in the moves by packing up their very special things and setting aside the things they could take on the plane, or in the car for safe keeping. Even with all this there are challenges, but kids are resiliant and with little ones I often think it is easier than with teens – teens miss their old social life a lot more than the littles, and that can be more of a challenge – patience is the key there, and understanding that it is not their choice, and they have issues of loss and sadness – in the end with love, encouragement and patience it can go smoothly – trust me I have lots of experience in this department. Blessings and good luck – Linda
We have moved about 18 times since the girls were born and they are now 19!!! To be fair one of those sets of moves was after hurricane Katrina when we were forced to move multiple times after we lost our home. We have always tried to make the moves and adventure, whilst allowing the grief feelings and sadness of leaving familiar things. It is hard for kids to leave the familiar and comfortable behind but there are always new adventures waiting around the corner – and that is the approach we have taken. We always made sure we were upbeat about the moves even when in reality we were not…however mom and dad being positive always helps. We try and get brochures our our new country/town/place and start to plan the things we can do when we get there – we try to scope out a church ahead of time and things that are exciting to look forward to. We make sure that they know they can stay in touch with old friends while looking forward to making new ones. We had them help in the moves by packing up their very special things and setting aside the things they could take on the plane, or in the car for safe keeping. Even with all this there are challenges, but kids are resiliant and with little ones I often think it is easier than with teens – teens miss their old social life a lot more than the littles, and that can be more of a challenge – patience is the key there, and understanding that it is not their choice, and they have issues of loss and sadness – in the end with love, encouragement and patience it can go smoothly – trust me I have lots of experience in this department. Blessings and good luck – Linda
Great Advice from the both of you! YES, it is sudden! My husband got a job offer. He went last week to the interview,along with many others, not knowing if he would be offered! We will be going back to the place where we grew up and met. Our families are in the surrounding areas. We have been away since we got married!
He will be teaching college so we will need to move over the summer. I realized it is not that far away! We are a little scared due to selling of this house! The market is not so great, as you well know!
I was laughing at the part you said about asking them if they want these things at the new house!! My oldest is already saying can we take this can we take that? And I am wanting to have a yard sale! My husband built them a see saw and it has a very heavy bottom made of concrete! “Can we take that see saw?” LOL!!
We will be going to look at houses this weekend! We will be going to a lot of different areas. My husband does not want to take the kids because of the long day and they will be eventually whining about it I am sure! Due to being bored, hungry, tired, and asking so many questions!! Do you think that we should take them along??
Did you homeschool through the move? Or did you just keep it light? Thank you both for replying!
Michelle
Am editing cause I just saw Linda’s post! Thank you much! 18 times!! OH MY!! What a terrible thing to have to go through ..one of the worst Hurricane Disasters!
We took about six weeks off from school during our last move, but that was because we bought a fixer-upper. We had to refinish hardwood floors, paint the entire house, including ceilings, rip out old carpet, put in a new kitchen floor, and paint the outside trim. There’s no way I could have schooled through all that. Plus, it just takes time to unpack, figure out where to put everything, and get re-grouped.
You have my permission to take as much time off as you need!
Why did three post frm me show up, when I only hit the button once??? Gremlins in the computer…Linda
You have my permission to take time off also – however in our case we schooled through some of the moves through necessity and the Katrina one we could not because all our stuff took a swim in the Gulf – so we missed about 1 years of real high school through that time and then with illness, we missed almost another, that is why we are still doing school – but it is ok – you do what you have to do, and try and smile through it all….Linda
I know this well feeling all to well. We have moved many, many times since we first married almost 9 years ago. The longest we have been in a home was almost a two years. I would say we have moved at least a dozen times, six in the last two years. My husband is in construction and we often travel with him for jobs. He has built extra homes for rentals in his off time. So many of these moves have been into other houses that we own to accomadate a renter. We live on an island with several small communities. Our community has about 150 people and the largest has 1,200 people. Thus, the need for my husband to travel for work opportunites. At first we tried just having just him leave for work and come back on the spare weekends that he could. Eventually the children (then 3 and 1/2) did not want anything to do with him because they knew that he would be leaving shortly. That was the beginning of our journey as travelling with him for work. We ended up staying in a no beddroom effieceincy apartment for 6 months. As a family we have learned how to adapt to several living circumstances and to be thankful for what we have and trust that we don’t need what has been lost on the way. Last time we moved out of our home community my then 6 year was really struggling with leaving all of his friends behind. I encouraged him that God would give us all that we needed. If that meant new friends than he had nothing to fear. Once agian we are coming to the close of a current job and the possibility of a new move. Knowing how the jobs and my husband works. I may only have a week or two notice and we will be packed and ready to go. He is of the opionion that we can be packed in a day. So we shall see. I have been praying constantly that God would clearly direct him, the possible jobs, new homes, churchess, neighbirhood…. Thankfully He knows what is best for us and we can rest in his hands. My husband and I are hoping to make a move at some point that has more consistent local work. We do love this community (both grew up here) and still have the responsibility of the three homes that we own here (along with his families 3 other homes that they left behind). So, for the present we are in constant flux. I am a planner and like routine and consistency, however, I am learning to go with the flow and trust God in the midst of chaos. Both my husband and I have a desire for over-seas missions some day. I kept thinking that maybe all of this will help prep us. I just keep thinking Romans 8:28! Sorry, if there are miss spelled words or what not. My baby runs toward the computer any chance she gets and somehow she has made all fonts miniscule and almost unreadable.
We took off 6 weeks for our move, as well. So definitely take time off. I struggled a lot with feeling “behind” up until a few weeks ago. I finally said, “you know, we school all year anyway. And the state law about testing every year doesn’t say *when* to test each year, so I could test in Oct. if I wanted to.” LOL
As for selling your house… Boy, do I know that pain! We had our house listed for 7 mths, at way too high a price, and finally “fired” our realtor(s). We took a 6-mth hiatus, with the intent to put it back up on the market in 2010 asap. This time, we got a GOOD realtor who took the time to teach us how to set up our home and make it look “perfect,” and then set the price slightly below most comps, including foreclosures and short sales (more on that later). Boom! Sold in a day. Now, our realtor was a Christian, and we all agreed, that was a God thing, not her. She even let us go half-price for her fees! 🙂 My point is, choose your realtor carefully. Someone who will tell you exactly how to arrange your furniture, exactly how to open the shades for showings, exactly how to arrange even the plant in the corner. Seriously. Staging is just as important as price, in my experience. Oh, and don’t ever let a realtor tell you that you are not competing with foreclosures and short sales. Because you are. Grrrr…. That’s why our original pricing was way too high.
This, of course, isn’t a guarantee it’ll sell that fast – that’s all up to God, really. But it certainly will help! Frustrating to no end to work with realtors who won’t help you…..
HTH!
ETA: Oops! Didn’t see the statement about not taking the kids with you looking at houses! I just wanted to say, we took the kids to all showings – 4 of them, and 1 was still under a year old. It helped them feel connected, and like they had a say in which house to buy (or not buy!). They did know that we had final say, but it really, really helped to take them along – even just to get a kids’ perspective on what you think is a great “kid yard” or “kid room” and they say, “No way! There’s no tree to build a treehouse in!” or “Nope, I don’t like the view out this window!” Yes, they did say that stuff, and yes, it did influence our decision to offer/not offer/even retract an offer on houses.
We also took our kids house-shopping. There were several advantages and disadvantages to this.
Advantages:
- Kids felt part of the process every step of the way.
- It helped them grasp the concept that we really were getting a new house.
- They were able to honestly tell us if they liked or didn’t like something.
Disadvantages:
- If we were seeing a furnished house, I was always nervous that something would get broken. Never happened, though.
- They would become attached to certain houses and be disappointed because we didn’t get it. For example, one home had a wonderful tree house in the backyard. We wanted that house so badly, but things didn’t work out for it.
- The kids were sometimes distracting to me or hubby when we were really trying to look over a house or listen to our realtor.
We’ve never had to deal with selling a house in this bad economy, so I can’t offer anything there. I only hope and pray you sell yours quickly!
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