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Is Homeschooling still good for a very extroverted child?
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I have a dear friend with three children (girl age 5, girl age 3, and boy age 1) who desires to homeschool, but is struggling with whether it is a good idea for her extremely extroverted oldest child.
This child always wants to be around other people. I am around her frequently myself and can attest to this. Even after long play dates with other children, she cries when it is time for everyone to leave. She begs to be sent to school where she can be around friends. When they drive past her old MDO, she begs to go back there. At home, she follows her mom around all day wanting to interact with her.
A couple of weeks ago she was over at our house and was telling me that one of my kids didn’t want to play with her, so he must not like her. I told her that we all love her, but sometimes {my child} just wants to spend time by himself. I said, “You know how that is, when you just want to be by yourself a little while.” She looked at me and said, “No. I don’t know how that is. I never, ever want to be by myself.” She was dead serious.
My friend takes her to outside activities often. She is in dance and a co-op and has lots of park time and play dates.
My friend is not sure if this is something that her daughter needs to overcome, or something that is just a part of her that should be respected and accommodated (maybe by sending her to school).
She is only 5, so maybe she’ll mellow out, but I know my friend would love to hear from someone who has had experience with this. None of my own children are like this, so I’m not sure what to tell her.
My oldest is also a total people person. He is 15. Loves any activity involving any people of any age or gender. He is just as happy to clean toilets at church with seniors as he is to go to a water park with his peers. Just loves social events of any kind. He is comfortable with 7 year olds and 70 year olds. It is a beautiful gift that I want to encourage and grow in him. That being said, being alone is important also. It is a skill to be still and be alone with God and your own thoughts. Throughout life we will have periods of aloneness so I have not tried to make sure he is constantly stimulated by companionship. I allow him to be alone and bored, I think it is something that needs to be learned. Personally I feel homeschooling is a place all kids can thrive. The best “socialization” comes from parents and siblings. It takes effort to get along with people you live with who annoy you, it is far easier to get along with friends you choose. That is just my opinion of course, but I think there is some Biblical support for it. God created families to be a childs main social interaction for many years. I cant wait to hear what others have to say.
Thank you Crystal! I really appreciate your input. I think you make some very good points about having to learn to be alone with God and your own thoughts.
If I think of it in reverse, like a child who was totally uncomfortable interacting with other people and always wanted to be alone, it becomes clear that we would not just accept that as who they are, but we would work on helping them to become more comfortable relating with others.
I also really look forward to hearing what others have to say about this!
I totally agree with Crystal. Our oldest (of six) is almost 17 and an extremely sociable kid. I have no regrets about bringing him home—and we didn’t start hsing until he was going into the 7th grade and had already gotten used to a school environment. He has had plenty of opportunities to be with the people through church, coops, football, work, etc.
I’ve always insisted on a one-hour quiet time in our day even once the children stopped napping. It’s good to be alone and bored and I’ve been at this long enough to have seen some of the fruit that comes from this discipline. Good for Mom, too.
I’m not one to put down public school, private school, or any other school because I think most parents really try to do what is best for their child. I would rather try and support them then make them feel bad for their choices.
But, I will say this. I have been subbing in the public school system where we live for about 2-3 months now. I kind of wanted to get in to the schools to see how they were because I was considering enrolling mine next year.
All I will say is…nope, none of mine will go. Most of the kids are sweet and loving. But those few rotten apples really stink up the whole classroom and it ends up rubbing off on other kids, and I will not subject mine to that. It’s in Kindergarten and goes all the way up to high school.
When I come home each day, my kids will ask, “how mean were they today momma?” I really appreciate coming home to my 3 kids now whereas before I thought they were needy little monsters who just wanted to push my buttons. But after seeing what teachers have to deal with ( and yes some teachers instigate the behavior), I’ll take my need little monsters any day of the week! Thank the good Lord for His blessing He has given me!
As a very extroverted adult Ill just add in my own perspective. I love the interaction of people but I find that if all my time is spent with others I lose time to think deeply about things, mull over questions and meditate on deeper thoughts. Quieter time with just my family is essential for my wellbeing and actually helps me be a calmer person. If i spend too much time with others outside the home it tends to over stimulate me. If his happens to an adult im sure it must be true of a child to an even greater degree because their self-regulation is still developing.
I’ll also add that 1 out of my 4 is an extrovert but its only when she’s had quiet time that she will ask meaningful, heartfelt questions or reveal what’s really on her heart.
Learning to appreciate some peace and quiet can be a skill that requires practice but your friend can guide her daughter, perhaps by suggesting some together time that is quiet such as reading side by side or sitting in the garden watching the clouds etc. Then gradually the little one may see that it is something to be treasured.
I think it can work, but it will take work. She will need to be very intentional about creating regularly social opportunities for her – play dates, social groups, sports etc…
I have a child that is really struggling at home because of the lack of social opportunities, and quite honestly, sometimes I’m not convinced homeschooling is best for her, because I know she would have more social opportunities in school. If we had the ability, I would love to send her to a local small private school. But it’s just not financially possible.
That said, a child like what you describe can also get eaten alive in public school. That intense, needy, clingy attitude can really annoy other children, and she may find herself ostracized because of it. Likewise, if she is a person who thinks that just because someone doesn’t play/talk/interact with her etc… means they don’t like her, well then she would be in for a LOT of heart ache in public school.
I would say keep her home, work on social skills and just make sure she provides lots of opportunitiy for her to connect with other children.
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