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introducing cursing/coarse language in books
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I can appreciate that we all have different standards in our homes for what speech/words we deem appropriate and acceptable as well as what books/series we find acceptable or unacceptable. So, I am not asking for specific standards in what you find acceptable. Instead, I wonder how you parents of older children introduced independent-reading books to your older children (12+) that had language in it that you would not deem appropriate. How/when do you justify allowing them to feed their minds on a wonderful book when that book has cursing/coarse language you would not allow in your house?
Please let me be clear: I am not criticizing this practice. On the contrary, my oldest daughter is really ready for some of these books. I am an English major and personally love some of these books. I am just struggling with how to logically and spiritually tell her, “This is a great book!” when I know there are not-so-great things in it. In addition, she is not comfortable reading such things. Certain words and subject matter actually turn her off to certain books. I don’t want to force her to read them either. I think maintaining some innocence is a good thing, and I certainly don’t want to be the one to kill that innocence. Also, my children are not insulated. They spend 13 hours in swim practice per week with plenty of adults and children who use coarse language and curse words, and a few of the girls in the pool use some very offensive curse words as if it’s as natural as saying, “Good morning.” They hear it everywhere here, it seems., and they are turned off by it. So I think for my oldest daughter, the difference is choice. She can choose to put down a book, but she can’t force a person to not speak. She can choose to not include that language into her free time. Does that make sense?
Would anyone mind sharing their experience with this? Perhaps it’s just a matter of maturing further? Should I just skip those books and not worry about them?
Hi there! This is a subject I talk about often with a friend of mine as I seek to find balance. We do watch movies and read books where very mild language is sometimes used, but not often. We draw the line at vulgar swearing and behavior.
I often wonder about books like To Kill a Mockingbird. What an amazing piece of literature! But, Scout’s swearing is not acceptable and the line crosses to vulgarity a bit at one place in particular. I would never willingly take my child to a place where people publicly spoke in such a manner. We would never watch a movie with like vulgarity. I just can’t reconcile the idea that I am to sacrifice these ideals on the alter of classic literature.
There are so many other wonderful works of literature that I feel completely justified in focusing on those and leaving books with questionable content off of our reading list. True classics teach us and change us but they do so with class-not vulgarity and swearing.
I do confess to being a bit of an idealist. 🙂
Thank you, Melanie. I agree with you on all accounts. I don’t want to sound like I send them off the “wolves” when they go to swimming. I just wanted to point out that they aren’t so insulated that they don’t know these words or are so shocked/rocked when they hear them that they run off squealing in fright 🙂
I am an idealist, like you 🙂 So it’s okay to leave those books off, and if they want to read them when they are older and making their own choices independent of me, then so be it, right? I just think I needed someone to assure me that their education will not suffer if those books are not included.
Thanks for your input!
I think it’s totally ok to leave books like that out of your child’s reading – especially if they specifically don’t want to read the language. I’ll let you in on a secret I’ve learned after more than a decade of homeschooling:
There is no one literature book or curriculum that every child MUST read or do. Period. Yes, there are many books that a large grouping of people consider ‘classics’ that they feel should be read. But if your child never reads Shakespeare or To Kill a Mockingbird or any other title it will be okay. (And they can always choose to read it later as an adult…)
(And in my own personal opinion scripture does NOT fall into this – because it is not a ‘literature/storybook’. And your child just might be surprised at some of the worldly details in there…lol… murder, adultery, theft, lying, etc. )
Yes! I plan on allowing my children to make their own decisions regarding this issue as adults. I, myself, still choose not to read books with vulgarity and cursing in them. In fact, I pretty much only read wholesome nonfiction and biographies, Christian nonfiction, Christian fiction and classics. I’m not usually a fan of modern classics for adults. Some are really good but they usually aren’t as good as the true classics IMO.
We do read modern children’s classics when they hold to our moral standards.
Agreeing with Tristan. I do want to point out that the Bible deals with sinfulness in the right way and does not stoop to vulgarity or swearing. Many classics will also have behaviors in them that are sinful. However, it’s how those behaviors are dealt with that matters. Are they crass or vulgar? Never in God’s word and rarely in true classic literature. While tough subjects are dealt with, they are dealt with in a classy way.
What a great reminder from both of you: We introduce our children to the subject matter via God’s Word where they clearly see how God feels about it, how to deal with it, etc.
So, if I do what I consider my “job” of laying the true foundation via God’s Word throughout their education, then if they choose such books in their independence, they’ll at least have the correct lens with which to view and process the subject matter. Does that sound about right?
It’s easy to lose that focus. Thanks for helping me back into focus 🙂
I wonder about this myself. Now my kids are probably more coddled than most. Mine have never been around cursing and they are 11, 9, and 6. We don’t watch the movies that have this language, but I’m always confused on what to do when it is in the books we need to read. For instance, Peter Pan. I had never read it until I read it to them and was shocked at Tinkerbell’s language. Now I’ll probably get fussed at for what I did, but I went through the book and blacked out all the cursing.
Even Wind in the Willows had some words that are considered cursing now. So here is a question, was donkey (*ss) not considered cursing back then? I know it is in the Bible because they were referring to a donkey. But in these books they are not using the word as a donkey but instead calling someone else that in much the same way people do today.
I know my kids, and if they learn something bad (even if we talk about how it is a sin), they would say it regardless.
Oh, James and the Giant Peach is another. I know there are many more, I just can’t think of them right now.
Hi! I guess for me I try to think about Ephesians 4:29 which says not to use bad/corrupt language
24 And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.
25 Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another.
26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:
29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
James 3:10
Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.
The holy spirit would not want is to watch or say anything with bad language. So I choose not to allow my children to. I take a marker and cross out these words for them and then let them enjoy these books. When they ask why I marked out the word I explain to them what the bible says. They totally agree and do not ask anymore. Just my opinion and how we do it ?
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