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Intro/DATE NIGHT
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Hi,
I am finally getting around to making my first post on this forum 🙂 My husband and I have been married 15 years and we have two daughters – nine and very soon-to-be twelve. We are completing our seventh year of homeschooling. I was introduced to the CM philosophy about 2 years ago and we have slowly implemented elements of it into our homeschooling experience. (I still usually describe our family’s method of homeschooling as eclectic.)
That being said, I wanted to share our experience with date nights. When our first daughter was born, my husband and I made a goal to have time together each calendar month. Amazingly enough, we have managed to do this each month since May 1997! Sometimes we have to be very creative. One particular month several years ago my husband was in a car accident. For our “date” that month we stopped at a convenience store on the way home from a doctor’s appointment and sat in the car in the parking lot and shared a snack and talked (he had a broken leg). Other months we have had the blessing to be able to take a real vacation together and our girls have stayed with their grandparents.
I really believe that this is one of our “secrets to success” and I highly recommend it. We chose once a month as our goal because we thought it would be very do-able for the long term. Sometimes we have additional opportunities to get out in a month and we do take advantage of those also. But at least once a month.
Oops! I meant to say that I hope everyone is having a good day and sign my name, but I pressed send accidentally. I guess that there is a art to posting 🙂
Take care,
Toni
Nice to “meet” you, Toni. I also have 2 girls–ages 8 1/2 and 5. I agree with your date night suggestion. My husband and I always have such a great time, and we always say we should do it more often. But, alas, the time gets away from us. Hope you are enjoying spring, wherever you are!
Faith 🙂
It’s nice to meet you, Toni! I take it you play the flute? What a joy that must be! Do your daughters play too?
Thanks for sharing how you and your dear husband have done date night. What an encouragment!
My dh and I have been married for 15 years too ~ as well as in our 7th year of homeschooling – sounds like we have alot in common already.
As as far as date night goes for us, we usually try to have one at least once a week ~ in our bedroom with the door locked. 😉 lol
I look forward to getting to know you more, Toni!
Blessings,
Heather
Welcome and nice to meet you.
We also have a date night. Though it’s not scheduled. Sometimes it’s just renting a movie (or getting from the library) and staying up to actually watch it together! 😆 Also, our chiropractor has a night every 3 months or so where he watches the kids and parents have 2 1/2 hours to go out FREE!!
Misty
Hey Toni,
Nice to meet you. Thanks for the encouragement of datenights!! Ours is this Friday..yeah I can’t wait!!
AND Heather..I love the new avatar (is that what those pictures are called?). I was thinking about changing mine to..since I love seeing pictures of the women so I have a name with a face…so I was thinking to change my pic from my dc to a pic of me. I think it is funny that you changed yours at the same time that I was planning it also.
Shelly
Shelly, I’m glad you can see the avatar because I can’t yet. 🙁
I thought it would be great to start a thread where we can all post family pictures but I’m not sure how to go about doing that. I would love to see pics of all the women ( & their dh and dc) that I chat with daily. I’m a very visual person. If I don’t have a face to relate to, I tend to visualize how one might look. Shelly, I picture you to look just like your girls – but a bit taller of course. 🙂
I realized that I never answered Heather’s question about whether or not my daughters and I play the flute. Sorry about that – didn’t mean to be rude 🙂 I have played the flute for many years. My older daughter takes voice lessons and is a percussion player. (I teach homeschool band classes.) My younger daughter has been taking piano for a little over a year. She is just now old enough to be a part of the homeschool band class, so this summer she will be thinking about whether or not she would like to try a band instrument. My husband plays tuba/low brass so we are working on our own family band 🙂 But although we would love for Emma to try the band, we don’t want her to feel like she has to join. We really want her to be the person that God has created her to be! However, she has been taking recorder classes for a while, and thinks that she might like the clarinet. We’ll see!
Have a great day, everyone!
Toni
Toni, you were not rude – no need to apologize. I LOVE listening to the flute but am not musically inclined. What a blessing that must be to be able to play and inturn encourage your children in music. It sounds like you are sensitive to their unique God given gifts & talents – may they ‘rise and call you blessed’!
Heather
How wonderful to have regular dates with your DH!
My DH married young and we had many years alone together before we finally had children in our mid 30s. I never felt the need for dates when the children arrived. I felt super comfortable that our past dating life nutured our present parenting life, if that makes sense. Scheduling a date night didn’t appeal to either of us at those first years of parenting. If anything, I craved time ALONE in my early motherhood years. (I do understand and support the habit of regular dating…just saying it didn’t appeal to us during early parenthood, and I didn’t miss it.)
BUT….now that my kids are older, DH and I are rediscovering the desire to go out on dates with each other. Last night we went to a casual restaurant – the kids sat at one table and we sat at another. It was a date…sort of with the kids and sort of the two of us alone. It was wonderful! DH and I had our own fun (and uninterrupted) conversations while the kids thought they were pretty cool being on “their own.”
I also look into the future when the kids are gone, and DH and I will be alone again. I think fostering friendship and romance with each other in the parenting years will make our “retirement” years enjoyable.
I guess my point, which I’m taking a long time getting to, is that if regularly-secheduled dating works, it’s so worth the effort. But if you are in a stretch when it just doesn’t work…that’s okay. Keep your eye on the big picture and foster your relationship in ways that works for you and DH NOW. A little bit can go a long way, and if you’re tired, well, you’re tired. You won’t always have this much work on your hands. Just keep the fire going – it doesn’t have to roar all the time.
(And if any DH is reading this, doing the dishes or cooking dinner for a mom with a new baby is ROMANTIC!)
I do understand craving alone time. That’s probably what is missing most from my schedule. I recently bought a used copy of the Maxwell’s book “Managers of Their Homes”. I’ve just begun reading it, but it looks like it might be of some help as I’m planning a summer schedule and beginning to think on our schedule for the next school year. I’m also considering the CM organizer. This question may have been asked before – but does anyone use the organizer to schedule their own pursuits? I’m thinking maybe I could set myself up as a student and schedule my own personal flute practice and things like that.
Toni
Toni,
That is a good idea. I have read the MoTH’s and loved it. It is a good spring board of ideas and how to get your mind focused on getting things accomplished in small increments of time.
I do use the organizer for my kiddos..but I like your idea of scheduling yourself as a student. I might have to schedule some sewing, reading and baking time for me. Thanks for the good idea.
Shelly
Hi Toni. I went through the Manager’s of Their Homes book a couple of years ago and loved the ideas presented. There was a time I became a slave to the schedule and had to back off a bit, but the one thing I learned from it that I don’t ‘let go’ is scheduled time for me to pursue some interests of my own. At first I felt guilty, but now I realize that this is not only important for me, but it helps me be a better friend/wife/mom. Doing this filled me up, so to speak, so I would have more to give. It also will show your children that the joy of learning is for life.
Blessings,
mj
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