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Ignoring the rules
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In this case I would probably get a motion detector alarm and set it up to catch the thief. The alarms are cheap and will alert you if someone goes into the alarmed area. Don’t let the kids play with it or see the packaging or they will be able to defeat the alarm because they will know the time delay, etc. Once they are caught, I would determine why they were sneaking food as others have mentioned and proceed from there.
Also, until I got the alarm I would have them *all* clean up the messes they left and do restitution. If they don’t have any money of their own then chores to “pay off” the drain on the family are in order. Often times an “innocent” child will “out” the offender when it starts costing them to keep the secret.
Do you offer some snacks that are available any time? Around here the kids know that there are set meal time and snack times, but they can have an apple or banana any time. And they have to clean up after themselves, of course.
Whenever I start to feel like ‘nothing is working’ I have to take a step back and see if I have actually followed through on the consequences for a misbehavior. Usually, when I am frustrated it is because I have lectured, fussed and fumed at the kids…but I haven’t actually followed through with an action.
Kids speak one language – ACTION. Get a few healthy snacks you feel comfortable with them having anytime, and have a family meeting. Spell out the food management of your household, aong with the rules for cleaning up. Practically speaking, I would put the carbs out of reach in a very high cabinet until they have been re-trained in this. Even if they can reach it, you are probably going to hear about it if someone is climbing a ladder to get out food.
The issue isn’t really food – it is that they are refusing to respect the rules about food. If they understand the rules and agree to them, then ‘sneaking’ food is a very clear sign that they not only disagree with the rule, but feel that they are justified in breaking rules that they don’t agree with. That is a habit that can seriously backfire later.
I hesitate to comment, but sometimes there is more of an emotional issue going on when kids (or adults for that matter) are sneaking food. While you need to deal with the disobedience matter, you should find out the “why”. Maybe there is something deeper going on, maybe not. You need to determine if this may be. A symptom of something that could lead to an eating disorder.
Do your children have snacks at all through the day?
We don’t have scheduled snacks. They can ask for a snack – the answer will vary depending on things like…
– did they eat the previous meal? (if they didn’t eat at least some of the meal, then no snack….)
– how close is it to the next meal? (if I’m just about to make supper…. then no)
I can usually tell who ate what by the location of the “evidence”. They tend to leave the packaging/wrappers/peels in the same areas.
It drives me nuts when I have a bag of chips/crackers/nuts/etc. that I need for a meal and find it empty on the floor! 🙁 I’ve also had a few chats about serving size…one of my DC thinks it’s okay to eat an entire bag of something. I hesitate to post when I haven’t posted in awhile, but I have one who sneaks off and on. For him it is definitely an emotional need rather than truly physical.
I hear you on the not eating a meal and then being hungry, but I just want to caution you all that is a very slippery slope to withhold good from a hungry child. I realize for some if my children their hunger and depravation was through no fault if their own as they were orphans in institutional settings, but to see firsthand what the physical feeling of hunger can cause emotionally I would just say exercise caution. For our children growing up in loving homes a feeling of hunger is most likely due to their own choice to not eat at a meal, but I still will never use missing a meal as punishment ever.
Having said that, I will absolutely put foil on a barely eaten meal and refrigerate it. When the child is hungry an hour later and wants a snack, I offer that uneaten eaten instead after warming it up for them.
I have also said made a basket in the cabinet of anytime snacks: nuts, certain crackers, granola, dried fruit. And fresh fruit/veggies are always a go except after 4 pm. They know the kitchen is closed then b/c dinner will be served b/t 5:30 and 6. I also close the kitchen from 1-3 pm unless they ask and I feel a snack is warranted.
Everyone has to find what works but for our family withholding a meal is just not an option, but I will as I said definitely pull that unbeaten meal back out of the frig.
Are there any other suggestions.
The situation is escallating here, and I am at my wits end. At least 3 of my 4 kids are involved in this, and that includes bold-faced lies about it. Also we apparently don’t have any good discipline methods here.
Hmmm. If it’s not a nutritional/physical need, and if you’re making sure that you aren’t doing similar things for them to copy, I’d say address honesty head on.
Maybe do a Word study of the Belt of Truth. Or, look up all Scriptures related to words like honesty, lies, stealing, greed, gluttony, sharing, etc. Look for rewards in Scripture. Think of the GOAL Bible Study prompts.
Grasp this promise.
Obey this command.
Avoid this sin.
Live this principle.
Go to Proverbs for rewards/punishments.
HTH,
Becca<><
Do they only do it when you’re in bed? At times we’ve made the rule that you can’t leave your room until a parent is upstairs (where the kitchen is). They have toys and books in their room so it’s not a horrible thing to have to stay there. Once they’ve shown us that they can be trusted again, we allow them to leave their room in the morning when they wake up. We do have fruit available at all times, as well as raw veggies like carrots or sweet peppers. They can eat those whenever they want without needing to ask. It helps them know they won’t be hungry, that there is food available.
It is not just when we are in bed, but that is the most common / worst time. We recently reinstituted the ‘stay in room’ until an adult is awake…. but it is obviously not working….. lets just say obviously the consequence isnt enough…
What have you tried beyond instituting the “stay in your room until an adult is awake” rule?
If you don’t want to install lock on cupboards, etc, then move the foods being stolen to your room/closet.
If it is a particular food being stolen, then stop buying that food. I would also tell the kids why- “You are sneaking, stealing and lying. You won’t change so I will- we just won’t buy the ____ anymore until you all change.” End of story.
Lock it up with a combination lock. All of it. Or take the time to install a video camera to record all activity in the kitchen/pantry area. If you do that I woud honestly set it up when the kids go to bed, put it up high/out of obvious sight (put in a box with just a hole cutout to video through even). Then the first thing you do the next day and for as long as you need to after is view the video WITH the kids. Deal out consequences to all offenders. I would do it without telling them for that first night because it will be your best opportunity to capture on video the routine offenders. Maybe even record for several nights/days before you sit down to go through it.
Honestly, I’m trying to picture what I would really do if it were me. I’m not opposed to drastic measures. So I would video tape first, then deal with offenders. I would also lock up food if need be. Or put the offender (found by video) on rations (nutritious meals that are boring but healthy, and not the same as the rest of the family. Obviously no sugar/treats, no snack foods like pretzels/granola bars/goldfish (fruit and veggies only for snacks, with peanut butter, cheese, or another protein).Continue to video every day and night and contiinue rations. Loss of all privliges, no going places, no having people over, no scouts, no tv/computer/etc. Or total lack of freedom during the day (must follow you around and stay in the same room as you all day long, similar to tomato stakeing.
I don’t know what else to say, truly. Obviously I would address true hunger/nutrition needs and such, but if it is really just that they do it because they can get away with it then I would do what I wrote above.
Maybe, since this happens mostly when you’re asleep, do bedtimes need to be alterred for parents and/or children? Maybe they get up too early due to late bedtimes. Or, parents are up too late meaning sleeping later than the kids? We’ve had that problem at times and that rests fully on us changing our habits and enforcing routines.
I haven’t gone back through the thread. Are the perps teenaged boys? They require much more food than the average bear.
You might consider increasing their protein amounts at meals.
It drives me nuts when I have a bag of chips/crackers/nuts/etc. that I need for a meal and find it empty on the floor! 🙁 I’ve also had a few chats about serving size…one of my DC thinks it’s okay to eat an entire bag of something. 
You might consider increasing their protein amounts at meals.- The topic ‘Ignoring the rules’ is closed to new replies.