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Ignoring the rules
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What do you do when your children totally ignore the rules – and you don’t know which one is doing it?
We have kids sneaking food. I don’t want to have to buy a lock-box for food.
I have this same problem, but I know who is stealing the food. My 4 yr old will take food after she has asked and I have told her no. I am trying to get to where we don’t snack all day long and only eat at mealtimes and one snack in the afternoon. Since I know who my culprit is I put her in the corner. However that is not working so well. I think the only thing I can realy do to nip this in the bud is to keep her with me at all times to make sure she is not stealing food. I hope she will eventually eat better at mealtimes and not need to snack inbetween meals. I also don’t keep a lot of “goodies” in the house. I am trying to clean up how we eat, but she will take bread and any baked goods I have made. I would be interested in some other opinions on dealing with this as well.
This also occurs while we (the parents) are asleep…. I can’t be watching 4 kids 24 hours a day… I need to sleep.
The kids get good meals. We have a small budget. I discovered that early this morning (before I was awake) they ate a box of cookies (we were given them) and a sleeve of crackers… and a couple of bananas as I found a peel on the couch. (And they aren’t supposed to eat anywhere but the kitchen unless it is “movie night”….
Yes, but you have to know when they will be going to sneak some food. I have heard mine several times and caught her in the act. She once tried to get into some cookies after I went to bed. Thankfully the foil wrapper was loud and our bedroom is right across from the kitchen (its a small house) so I was able to stop her, but she will just turn around and do it again the next chance she gets. I know I need to keep her with me to correct her, but I also agree with Suzukimom that it’s gotten to be impracticable with chasing after a 1 yr old and trying to school my 8 yr old. Thankfully he has gotten more independant so that has gotten easier. I actually almost posted this same questions a few days ago but figured what I had come up with would be the most likely answer. If anyone has any other ideas I would love to hear them as well!
By “ambush” I meant, more specifically: set up a situation where there is opportunity and be concealed close by to deal with the thief. I have ten children and would not be following any of them around constantly either – nor would a sneaky thief commit a crime while being followed, I suspect 😀
In our house, I save time by staying on top of problem behaviours. even if it means altering the schedule for a morning or two.
Ok – and so assuming I ambush the person or people (I have 2 main suspects…) – what exactly would be considered appropriate punishment?
And I don’t want to cause food issues, food disorders etc….
I would say the punishment should be whatever you deem appropriate for disobedience in general.
Alternatively, if one of my children snuck cookies, they would forego enjoying cookies for the next ___ days (depending on their age/maturity).
2 words: No meal.
Of course use common sense. If they ate 1 cookie and you caught them they’ll still be hungry. So then maybe it is No sweet food for 24 hours. (cookie, cake, jelly, anything sweet). Or maybe it is still no meal. You know your child best and if you are feeding them regularly missing a single meal won’t hurt them.
And yes, I know some have food issues that would make my solution not the right thing to do, such as a child who came to the family through adoption/fostering that faced starvation/malnutrition.
Personally we’re very strict on this one after a child is age 3+. We keep a closed kitchen for everyone but if a 2yo manages to snag strawberries it is handled differently than if an older child did it. Older children KNOW they are not supposed to get food out of the fridge/cabinet and they face the severe consequence of missing the next meal.
Another few thoughts:
1. Are the kids eating while you’re in bed in the morning? As in, they are up for the day and hungry and you haven’t gotten up to feed them breakfast? Maybe a solution is to tell them what they may eat in the morning (apple, etc) before you are up.
2. Are you grabbing food during the day when you’re hungry but not allowing them the same privelage? Rethink it. To them it may seem like you’re sneaking food too. I know I have to be sure that my food focused child knows when mommy didn’t get to eat a meal because I was feeding the baby, so now I have food to eat for my meal because the baby is done eating. But obviously that can’t be me eating a cookie…it has to be a meal…LOL.
3. Do you have a child in a growth spurt who is feeling hungry often? Maybe for a time you have a specific snack they may have anytime they are hungry? We would probably do a fruit, veggie, or beans.
4. Do you have too much junk hanging around? If it’s too tempting remove it from the home for a bit while working on the sneaking food.
5. Do you give them a snack close to bedtime? If not maybe they wake up hungry in the middle of the night and grab what sounds good. Try a before bed snack.
Those are the things that come to mind right now. Not sure if any help!
This is difficult, but I try to keep all treats out of reach when possible. I allow access to any non-messy healthier food such as popcorn, raw veggies, fresh fruits, and nuts at any time. At first my children declined snacks because they wanted the bread, chips, packaged breakfast bars, and cookies I used to have on hand. After several days they became happy with the better options. I used to allow my children to keep their candy baskets within reach on a kitchen shelf. They used to have fun counting and trading their candies in their free time until I caught one sneaking it by the handfuls and secretly eating it in bed. He wasn’t smart enough in that he hid the wrappers under his bed thinking I would never clean there. His punishment was he didn’t get any candy for a week, when he was offered candy at extracurricular things he had to politely decline while his sibling got to accept it. We had a big heart to heart talk with him about not being able to trust him was worse than consuming all the extra candy.
I should probably mention that this has been happening on and off for months…
If there is junk food (which we don’t generally have a lot of, but occasionally) – it is the first target… so easter candy, or (coming up) halloween candy… or if we had a bag of chips or cookies… or whatever. Gum from the car (when playing outside when the car is home… or getting into the car if they get into it before us…)
Otherwise it is generally the carbs… cereal, all over the floor too… a loaf of bread. crackers. granola bars.
Often Bananas (leaving the peals wherever). Sometimes apples or pears with just a couple of bites out of it.
We do generally have a breakfast plan they can get themselves if needed – but that has also been a problem… Delta will make eggs and toast for everyone, for example, but I’ll find toast or bread on the floor or in the toaster.
I’ve discussed the not being able to trust them etc.
It just feels like there is no solution. (When my step-son was 18 and living with us, we had to buy a box we could lock to put in the fridge to keep a few lunch-type things in so that we had food to send with my step-daughter to school as he would eat everything even though he knew it was needed for school lunch…. so this really doesn’t feel new either.)
We’ve had this problem with dd8 as well, with little success curbing it until recently. We recently started giving her a bit of pocket money, and the last time I caught her (or caught the evidence anyway), I made her pay out of her pocket money to replace it (in this case, for the packet of cookies she had opened and eaten several.) Needless to say, it hasn’t happened again. We also have certain items our kids are allowed to eat without asking, like fruit, veggies, or peanuts. This gives them a better alternative if they really ARE hungry, and an alternative to getting into the carby stuff and treats. (SOrt of the same principle as replacing a poor habit with a good one, rather than just saying ‘stop it!’ all the time.)
HTH,
Jen
I wonder if it is all the carby stuff if there is something biological going on. I know my friend took her kids off gluten and found they stopped being hungry all the time and begging for snacks. Personally I would sit all the kids down, tell them that they are not allowed to take food without asking in the future but that if they are hungry you will help them to find something to eat. I would also encourage them to tell you if they have been the food sneaker with the promise of no punishments for what had happened in the past. But reiterate that if they sneak food in the future there will be consequences. If you find out who the thief is, I would try to get out of them why they are doing it. Hunger? Boredom? Depression? Rebelliousness? The why would make a big difference to me.
Nebby
We just went through this problem while I ran to town for an hour. Came back and found out that my kids helped themselves to seme choc. chips. Mind you this is like the only treat and at that it’s from Enjoy! We use them in our 2 recipes (cookies). My dh and I talked about it cause we think, can’t be sure, that there have been other issues and last night told them that for the next week they will have no dessert after dinner. A big deal around here as it’s the best part of the day.
I know my kids are on a balanced diet (per say) so it’s not like they are missing something. it was just a character/obedience issue. They get great meals all day and I guess they will just have to decide from now on what’s more important those 3 choc. chips or dessert after dinner?
Kids are kids, I did those type of things, my dh did those type of things and I was given the same punishment. Now I have to do it to mine. The sad thing for me this time was my oldest in charge 15 was the one who handed it out 🙁 But lesson learned.
Good luck. Misty
Mine have never gotten food w/out my permission. However, my oldest is hungry all the time! We too feed both boys well. He has been growing by leaps and bounds over the past 3 months! He is just 11!
There has been times when I ask him, “Are you truly hungry”? And he replies, “Well, not really. I just want to eat!” I think it has something to do w/ his sensory issues. But most of the time, he is truly hungry! My dh suggested if he was truly hungry to tell him go eat a bowl of spinach. I thought that would stop him! But he has chosen to eat a bowl of spinach several times. So he must really be hungry!! LOL! I do have to feed this son a good protein at every meal or else he will keep wanting to eat all day long! I would say try to keep some protein foods such as nuts, seeds, cheese, etc If they are growing boys, they are going to be hungry! But they could be eating out of boredom too! Keep them busy! LOL! Watching television always provokes hunger!! On the other hand, if they are very busy/active they are going to want more food!
This is a sensitive topic for me! I get tired of I am hungry all the time!! Sigh!
HTH
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