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‘I Was a Better Mother Before the Internet’
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I love this forum, but I must admit that I share these struggles. I am inspired to limit my computer time and seek God first in all that I do.
The internet brings much to help in our daily lives, but much to destroy as well. Time is such a precious commodity and our children learn from us, so I try and visit the internet in short bursts and then leave it – but it is a pull and I think we all suffer to an extent from overdoing it. On the good side this forum and some of my favorite blogs, keep me on the straight and narrow and I consider them a blessing – also for research it is excellent or to listen to music from one of my favorite British channels – but things like social networking and things I have no time for – I like my email, and I love to stay in touch with that, but have to set limits to what I do, otherwise the time slips before I know it and far more valuable things could have been done in the time I was online. It is a modern day dilemma. Elizabeth Foss was voicing what most of us feel I think.
One other thing that I think can be a bad thing is that the internet can breed disatisfaction with the way we are living our lives, there is so much out there, so many things to buy, so many ideas that give us ideas – all of which cost money or most of them at least that I think it can upset our balance and make us less content in our daily lives. We see or perceive others having a better time of it and that can be very unhealthy. I too did not have a computer until my 40s and learned to type on a manual typewriter when I was in school not even an electric one – so I remember life when it was simpler. Companies were not bombarding me with the latest this and that – catalogs were few even in the mail and there was no pull of the internet to check a message or anything like that. I think we have lost a lot over the years, but also gained in many ways – it is the balance between real life and cyber life that is the task and it is not always an easy one. The support of a group like this has real value and is a blessing, the soundbites on something like Twitter are not. So I guess we must model time with God, our family and homes first and make the internet a place we go on occasion for research, a note to a best friend in Australia and England (our favorite way to communicate and cheaper than calling)and to find a recipe or perhaps to be a part of a group like this. Balance is the way to go, easy to say, not easy to do….
I have not read the article or every response yet, but am so glad I am not alone in this struggle! Just last week I was thinking that I spend too much time on the internet and devised a plan to tackle it, but alas, I am not reformed yet!
Several months ago, I noticed that my daughter had a terrible attitude after spending time on the internet (genuinely innocent websites). She just had a sassier tone about her immediately afterwards. I ended computer time for her. Later in the day, she respectfully said she would like to be able to go on the computer just once per month to check. I thought that was reasonable and even decided to allow 30 minutes weekly – as long as she had a good attitude.
What does this have to do with mothers and the internet?? Well… I have noticed that my natural tendency towards impatience intensifies when I am “on the internet.” I even find my thoughts are distracted by what I read on the internet when I am not on it. I don’t think I truly live in the moment with my family. The internet interferes with my thinking for myself. I quickly research the answer to anything I want to know whether I google it or search a favorite forum or blog. I find that reading on the internet is NOT the same as reading a book or even a magazine article. When I am reading/researching information in print, I do not feel as anxious or disturbed if someone needs me. I can set down the book and come back to it much easier than I can set down my device and come right back to it. My personality is greatly suffering from instant access to anything and everything – the time I spend online is in reference to education, parenting, nutrition, and sometimes religious inquiries. I am not reading/looking at things that are “bad,” just things that are distracting me from REAL LIFE. That being said, I do use the internet for communication with groups/people I am part of in real life – from business email for my husband, prayer requests, organizing meals for families suffering, planning outings with our school group, passing along information for church, etc. However, the time on the internet for these purposes is miniscule. I could log on for ten minutes each day and do all of those things easily.
When our only online source in our home was a large desktop computer, I would check email and read a blog or two in the afternoon SOME days (not all) while my eldest was napping. That was all. Less than a decade later, I have instant access all around me – iPhone, iPad, and a laptop which seems so troublesome because I have to open it up and turn it on to use it (not as instant). Yikes! I feel sick to my stomach as I type all this. I think I will begin praying daily for mothers everywhere (those I know personally, online, and not at all) that we will put first things first and overcome this addiction. First I’ll go read that article…
I so appreciate this thread, and I’m glad that you bumped it!! I can’t wait to read those articles, but will wait until this evening. Several comments really, really struck home for me. These are things I’ve felt and even put into thoughts, but I hadn’t put them in writing. I think I NEED to do just that, though. Even post them for myself.
Thank you all for your willingness to share and bare your hearts.
K
Definitely! I was more focused, more fun, more playful with my kids, had more time for my home responsibilities, less irritable, and more patient before I started researching home schooling and spending time on message boards and asking moms that have come before me questions on email. Absolutely I was a better mom before the Internet! I was also a better follower of Jesus Christ! I will also add that my kids were more controllable, more fun to be around, better behaved, and received endless compliments on their behavior they do not now receive. They still get them some, but not like they did pre-internet. They knew they had my attention, love, and was watching them; this provided great security that in turn produced good behavior at home and in public. I have even sometimes wondered if they truly would have been better off in school, but then realize if I change (and I believe I can change) that we could have both worlds. A good home life and good home schooling.
I was very blessed by reading the article of the original poster 5 years ago. Like her I felt God Divinely led me to that article in the middle of the night. I was actually up repenting of my internet use, after ending all email communication, when I found it. What a blessing to read; very inspiring. I found it interesting to read a post and an article written prior to my internet use. It took me back to a simpler day of 2008 when my oldest was 5, I hadn’t started any research since I didn’t want to start formal schooling before 6, and the internet was a mere tool to pay bills and check emails at the most once a week.
Our first curriculum Sonlight started my forum, home school board use, in summer of 2009. This started the research and it never fully ended until last summer. I actually turned off my computer last July and saw improvement in my home and in my kids as I laid down new rail habits of my own that bore fruit. The computer snuck back on though as school started and its use built to its pre level. I don’t think all of this research has been negative. I see the benefits of it. I see the things I know, I would not have known other wise that have been beneficial. I have been nourished and blessed by more than one thread on the SCM forum. I also don’t think it has to be all or nothing. I think I can check the SCM board once a week and might find an article that nourishes our home school, or perhaps do a post that is helpful (hopefully helpful). It is the daily use that I have had that I know my kids hate (they tell me) and that I know has been detrimental to our home.
God has made it very clear to me that my season of home school research and heavy internet use is over. I have to go back and lay some rails of good habits and training for myself and my children for their sake and the sake of their children.
I think the computer can have an unhealthy draw, but I also think it can be used in healthy ways. I know I had healthy internet use pre-home school boards. I think I can have that again. Rare research, check emails very week or two and not have very many to answer if any, look at an article that nourishes, check the SCM forum once a month; but it isn’t real life. Real life is richer; especially when we spend it connected to our LORD doing His call of training our children that is upon our lives.
Kids are up and I need to go…prayers for all of you and any of you struggling with this matter as I have. The article is wonderful I encourage you to read it!
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