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I think I am messing my kiddos up :(
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I have jumped from curriculum to curriculum. Not been consistent with anything other than being inconsistent… in everything… school, chores, discipline, etc. I feel like a huge failure. And here I am pregnant and sick 🙁 It feels like the last 4 years have been the same. Oh wait, they have… pregnant and sick or nursing and depressed. UGH!!!!! I just don’t feel like I can do this. I feel like I am failing my children miserably 🙁 My son is supposed to be in 6th grade and is working on a 3rd grade level in math. Not his fault at all, it is all mine!!! And their character 🙁 ugh… is continually going down the drain. Pooey!!! Mine is too 🙁
All this is just a vent. Sorry to vomit on you all 🙁 I am just really sinking into a pit and it is happening so quick. I can’t get out. I know if I wasn’t so sick right now I would have a better view. But being sick all day and night is soooo hard on me. I get whiney and down pretty quick.
Hi Nina…
Keep reminding yourself… “This is the hormones talking”….
Also, people here a lot about post-partum depression…. but depression can happen during pregnancy too. I know because I’ve been there, and I know how impossible to escape it can seem that the pit is. If you are feeling that you are in a pit and you can’t get out, and it doesn’t lift REALLY soon – I’d recommend seeing your doctor ASAP. In the meantime, eat as well as you can and take care of yourself. Please!
Dear Nina, I’m sure several of us have been in your place before and know somewhat of how you feel. I know when I’m sick with pregnancy all day/night long for 22 weeks, all I want to do is sleep to escape it! Maybe other wiser moms have different suggestions, but what I thought of is just to pick one thing to start with that is important to you to change in your household. Maybe it’s one character issue that really bothers you, try devoting a whole week to that and then just reading with the kiddos and trying to enjoy them(while laying still on the couch:)
Trying to tackle all those areas at once will just keep you feeling overwhelmed and depressed. Maybe your husband would be willing to spend a little time doing math with your son? If not, I’m sure that waiting a while longer to get some other things under control isn’t going to harm him more, until you can tackle math with him, or a new approach to the math, etc. School isn’t talked about much in the Bible, but character sure is, so maybe I’m wrong but I would tend to be pretty relaxed with school for a bit until things were headed in the right direction in your home. All this is easier said than done I know, but we’ll be praying for you, that the Lord will truly be your strength and joy during this season He has you in. Adrienne
Oh Nina,
I just read your post and felt so sad for you. I had a day like that today. I often feel like I am messing my kids up and that they would do far better somewhere else. One thing I try and do is to ask God to have me accomplish exactly what he needs me to do for that moment and for that day. All we have are fleeting moments, just moments with our kids. I love when David cries out Oh, soveriegn Lord you are God and your words are TRUSTWORTHY and you have promised these good things to your servants. God’s word is so trustworthy. If he has called you to Homeschool then trust Him and take it one day at a time. On the other hand, and this is not to discourage you but it is not a curse or a route to hell nor does it make you a bad mother or a bad Christian if you need to send your kids to public school or private school. I think sometimes HS moms, me included, think that we are a bad person if that happens. No one should ever feel like that and especially if you think you are really in a mental health rut. May God give you strength and endurance to pursue whatever it may be that HE has called you to be.
Nina,
Homeschooling during pregnancy can be very trying. It’s hard to keep everyone on track while trying to take care of yourself…not to mention dealing with crazy hormones and morning sickness. My first piece of advice would be to take a little break from school. Don’t worry about staying on task with the curriculum or what level each child is at. Snuggle on the couch with them and read, get some good videos from the library (let them watch while you rest for a little bit), do some baking, take them on a nature walk but overall just use this time to take a deep breath and relax. As you start to feel better start adding a little school back a bit at a time but don’t overwhelm yourself. Get back to simply enjoying your children and spending time with them. God has chosen you out of all the mothers in the world to be their mother, remember that! There are no better earthly hands for them to be in than yours. You are not a failure and that is clearly a lie from Satan! If you are feeling up to it a great book to read might be “For the Children’s Sake” by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay. Also, spend some time in prayer and in the Word. Ask the Lord to let you see your situation (and your children) through His eyes. Seek your husband’s counsel and wisdom and ask him to pray for you.
Blessings to you. I will be lifting your family up in prayer. Please post soon to let us know how everything is going.
Jennifer
I pray for you, too. May God give you the strength to see the beautiful princess He has created you to be and to believe what the Word says about all his children, including yourself and your blessed little ones. I pray that as you seek His will for you and your family that you will find it and have peace about it.
What are you using for math? Maybe you could just play some fun math games with your kids for now.
As for character, Charlotte Mason says you are to focus on one character at a time for 4 – 6 weeks. So don’t overwhelm yourself with too much at once. I am also inconsistant with school schedule and chores. But I do have a goal in mind of what I am working towards. God continues to shape and mold us each day to become more like Him. It is a slow continuous process.
Please take good care of yourself. That is not selfish. You can’t expect to take good care of others if you don’t take good care of yourself first as far as health goes (mental, physical, spiritual, emotional). I pray you find the help and encouragement you need at this time to do what is best for yourself and your family.
My son is going into 6th also and still at a ?? well we are still trying to get mulitplication. So don’t worry. For some it takes longer than others. Just had a minute and wanted to say it’s ok!
Oh my. I’m so sorry. (Gah. I know that doesn’t help.) i realize your whole post isn’t about the sickness but it’s the part I can speak to. I am almost 8 weeks and soooo sick. I only have one other child, almost 3, so I am not trying to homeschool at the same time. Does your sickness usually subside at a certain time (like 14 weeks) and you could use that as the light a the end of the tunnel? I don’t know if that would work for you. Some days that doesn’t help me because I think I’ll never make it through that one day. So I guess the only thhing I have to offer is sympathy to your situation. It’s so hard to see past the present moment when so sick. 🙁
God bless!!
My previous reply was regarding the depression that you are feeling, as I felt that was the most important part.
Just wanted to put a bit on the homeschooling side….
I think you need to work on getting your children working more independantly – especially as you have mentioned that this has been a recurring problem because of pregnancy… Check out http://urthemom.com/ I have been using her principles (but not her planner, I use the Organizer here) to get my kids to be independant on the subjects they can be….
And as you have mentioned Math specifically – I don’t know which math course you are using… the one I use requires a certain amount of parent participation (at least in the first few years…) – BUT you could check out http://www.khanacademy.com It is a free math program that is almost completely done by the student on their own. Your kids sign in (using a google sign-in) and it suggests which exercises they should work on – and there are videos available to show how to do things…. When they get 10 answers right in a row, it suggests a new set of exercises on the next skill(s).
Your 6th grader is certainly old enough to be able to work independantly, once you know how to get it setup.
oh sweetie. my heart is breaking for you….i have been exactly where you are. my last pregnancy was a total surprise – my youngest was 7 months when i found out i was pregnant again – but God has really used it for good. however, during that last pregnancy i had a number of complications that caused much pain, all day. i couldn’t lift my other little guy, and i was trying to homeschool and juggle everyone’s stuff. i truly was depressed. please give yourself much grace – and God’ mercies are new for you every morning!
i second getting your kids more independent. what can’t be totally independent can be a more low key, literature based reading time for the family. and until this new baby is born and maybe even a few months old, let that be enough. for math, look into something like teaching textbooks, which is a little pricey, but has a self correction function and teaching function built right in. try something gentle like queens language lessons – which has a smidge of copywork, art appreciation, poetry, narration, and grammar. and let that be enough. all we can do is meet our kids where they are and move them forward as best as we can. please do spend some time in prayer, if possible, to seek His direction on this. Ask God to help you discern between convictions of past choices that were unwise and accusations from the enemy.
please do not let the enemy rob you of your joy – the joy of a new life or the joy that can be contained within homeschooling.
many kids will do well with many curriculums – but we just need to realize two things – 1) sometimes moving forward and establishing consistency is key, and 2) YOU are in charge of the curriculum and how you use it. you can tweak it. you don’t have to use all of it. you don’t have to do it all written. sometimes it can be oral, or even skipping certain pages or assignments. for years, i let math – u – see rule my kids. i made them do every problem, every page. my highly distractable son and i had much conflict over it…before i realized i can make him do the first page, see how well he does, then just assign him whichever problems i want from the following pages. eureka! i was so afraid – “well the book says do it, so we should do it…” just saying – you are in charge of the work, so make the choices and move forward.
also, maybe you could try setting some realistic benchmarks for the day. this has helped us tremendously. if you are so tired, or your family members are not morning people, don’t try to wake them all up to accomplish a million things by 10. maybe have two morning hardstops, and one afternoon one. for example: everyone up, dressed, teeth brushed, bed made by 9. breakfast will be on the table waiting for you by 9 (hardstop #1). and make it easy – peanut butter on whole grain toast, or the night before, put some oats in water, a pinch of salt, a little sweetness, and throw in dried fruit if you like. then in the a.m. you just have to add a little more liquid and turn the pot on to warm thru. presto – oatmeal. then independent school work done by say 10:30 or 11 (benchmark or hardstop #2). use this time to sit with littles, read them a story, or do 15 minutes of phonics with the beginning readers. use 15 minutes to fold laundry. (but if the big kids are not done, you don’t wait for them to be done. you have them close it up, eat lunch and they must use their own free time to finish or no activities or play or whatever.) quick check of big kids’ work, then break for everyone. then quick lunch of soup or sandwiches or quesadillas (or whatever is easy and your kids like). quiet or nap time for all – even if it’s just quiet independent reading for bigger kids. but you go to your room, put your feet up, pray, rest, nap, even if for just 30 mins. the do afternoon school together. read some history, read some science books, talk together, read some literature – all which can be done from your couch. no matter what, stop all school at some pre-arranged time. we use 3p.m. often the kids will have a little bit left of their own work they need to finish, but i always announce, “Mommy’s off duty for a few minutes. Finish up your work.” then i go to my room for maybe 20 or 30 minutes. then usually my two toddlers wake up, and i am up and running again. we have another benchmark or hard stop around 5 p.m. this allows us to do our evening chores, tidy up, set the table, and we eat by 6, whenever possible. dinner clean up from 6:45 to 7:30, then baths and jammies, and on nights we’re all home, family time from 8-8:30. in this time, we read bible, or a Miller’s story or just talk.
maybe having a few solid “hardstops” in your day will help you get through each portion of it. try to eat as well as you can while you feel crummy, and get lots and lots of water in. pick some reasonable curriculum goals, and just move a little closer to each. try using sonya’s planning book. it is so good. also, look into this wonderful book from Vision Forum, called Large Family Logistics. It was so inspirational and practical and encouraging to me. it’s really useful for ANYone who has kids, let alone someone who also homeschools and has a lot of kids!
just pick one or two things to focus on (especially habit wise), and just move forward from there. Being “all or nothing” will only defeat us. we need to move forward at a sustainable pace, in baby steps. it’s so hard to constantly get up to train, correct, referee, discipline, etc when you’re pregnant and tired and sick. just do your best. your kids will survive.
Nina, you are doing precious work. Don’t let the accustions of the enemy creep into your heart. I have done all you describe: been depressed, self-condemning, let the hormones and my physical self/condition rob me of the joys and success i was having, switching curriculums all over the place (convinced it would solve the problem or be better than what I was already using), and been all disorganized and all over the place. by the end of each day, we were all tired, bitter, and feeling unsuccessful. do speak with your dr, and cling to the Lord!
In His Hands,
Amy
Everyone has given you great advice. If I may add only that if you can’t afford Teaching Textbooks, may I recommend Math Mammoth? It is very inexpensive, self-teaching, incremental and mastery based (I have TT, too, but found that it didn’t have enough “mastery” before it moved on for my dd). It can be self-correcting, too. After your child has completed the work, just take a look at it (while lying down) and he can check it himself using the Answer Key in front of you or your husband can do the checking when he gets home. If you feel like he’s only at a 3rd grade level, then start him there in MM or take the placement test. It goes all the way through grade 6, with Pre-Alg. in the process.
Lastly, he’s also old enough to be reading aloud the selections that you would normally on the days you don’t feel like it. These types of helpful attitudes will prepare him for the day when he has his own wife who may have a difficult pregnancy and he’ll know how to behave himself!
Rachel
Thank you all so very much!!!! Today has been a better day. Not that anymore got accomplished but just really sensing the Lords strength. You all gave such great advice and suggestions. Thank you so much for them all and the prayers. They are soooo needed. I am not sure how long the sickness thing will last. With each pregnancy it has gotten worse. This will be our 6th baby. I also am having some gallbladder things. Last pregnancy I almost had to have emergency surgery the last month. It went crazy and I ended up in the hospital several times. The last time the specialist told my ob it needed to be stabalized or I and the baby could die. And that if we didn’t get it stabalized within 24 hours he was doing surgery. I sure wish I would have had it out in between pregnancies. But shoulda, woulda, coulda, right? So here I am again 🙁
My son is stuck on multiplication right now. We are using MCP Math. We switched from Saxon to MUS, to MCP, back to MUS and then back to MCP. MCP seems to be ok. There is not enough practice pages so I am having to go on the net and print some off from other places. But he just got very bored with MUS. I am not sure they are a mastery style curriculum. But my hubby and I are set on making sure they are mastered before we move on. We definetly feel that it needs to be solid before moving on to the next set of facts.
I will check out some of the suggestions above. I have heard of MM and even have a friend who uses it and really likes it 🙂 I know I need the oldest to be more independent and my 9.5 yo could be too. My 8 yo dd is a different story. She can work independently but has a short attention span and gets overwhelmed quickly. I was working with my 3 yo also with some fun preschooly stuff and she misses it terribly. I really feel like I am short changing her 🙁
Anyway, thanks again. I will try to check back in soon.
Nina,
to save you the time and effort of looking up practice sheets, you should be able to get all you need here.
Rachel
Hi Nina, I’m so glad to hear that you had a better day today. I just wanted to say that I will be praying for you. I have had a tough week with feeling very down and discouraged. I was reading my Bible, praying, and listening to praise music and rebuking the enemy, and I still couldn’t shake it. After my husband and a friend prayed for me (separately), I felt so much better, and really felt God’s peace. I can’t stress enough the need that we have for prayer from our husbands, our friends and family….have them pray for you for all of these areas of struggle.
Also, remember that the Word says that …”our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Eph 6:12. Don’t listen to the lies of the enemy….he comes to steal your joy and tear you and your family down. I hope you don’t mind me saying this…it’s just that it’s exactly what I’m dealing with right now, and what I am constantly reminding myself.
I have read through all of the replies, and WOW – this is why I love it here. Such great, godly advice and wisdom. The ideas and suggestions have helped me so much as well. I wish I could give you a hug…just know that you are doing a great thing for your family…it is not in vain. 🙂
Megan
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