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I need prayer re: my middle ds
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I need prayer/encouragement or something…
Here’s the situation: I have been hsing for 5 years now and have learned alot, but have forgotten alot as well. When I first began I was very traditional and kept close to a schedule, used workbooks and basically panicked that my kids were behind all the time, especially concerning my oldest. Well, I have come a long way with my oldest, but now have reverted back to my old ways (mindset) with my middle boy (8). I have lost my patience on more occasions than I’d like to admit and have thought about him being better off in ps, or with having a tutor for certain subjects (especially math). He really does not like me to correct him/encourage him/show him a different way or the ‘right’ way (2+2 will always be 4 and I did not make up that rule, but he is not happy when I tell him that it can not be any other way). I feel I am doing him a disservice in the Math dept. because he doesn’t seem to be retaining the material (I get frustrated/he gets frustrated)…and when we take a break from it he returns with less retained than before. I feel he needs the repetition, but sometiimes that is not helping with retention, either. We do play a lot of card games to change things up, but still.
I have to admit that I find myself comparing him to other kids his age like I did my oldest boy. I don’t do that with my oldest near as much as I did (and I/we had some serious issues early on), but now all is well. Should I just rest in the fact that I am experiencing some of the same issues (but I have forgotten) with my 8yo ds and ‘this too shall pass’ (like with my oldest). And, after all these years why haven’t I learned this concept?? Why haven’t I figured out that all this arguing over memorizing math facts at 8 is not something I need to send him away for?? And is not something I want him to remember his mom for. I don’t want to look at him in disappointment (over math facts!) or have him feel like his mom–the one that loves him more than anyone, save Jesus–would make him feel less than because of him not remembering these facts when I have memory issues, too, and I’m 40:)
I have no idea if this makes sense. I can be a little up-tight and am not the most flexible person in the world, I know that about myself, but I don’t want my kids (especially my 8 yo) to hate this experience.
I think I just needed to vent, but any suggestions would be much appreciated. TIA
Oh, I think every homeschool mom has felt what you feel at times, including me. You are not alone. These trials are what build our character and strength! But when we are in the middle of them it certainly feels overwhelming and we want to quit. There is a reason why many choose NOT to homeschool, and I believe this is it…it is hard when we conflict with our kids and we can’t physically separate and give the problems over to ps, or sweep it under the rug. When our kids are with us all the time, we are forced to deal with these conflicts. It is not fun, but we must remember it is the RELATIONSHIP that matters (as I’m sure you know but it’s easy to forget when struggles come).
Make sure your kids know that you love them, even when they can’t memorize something or are being lazy, etc. I know that sounds silly, of course homeschool moms love their kids right? Yes we do, but honestly, do we on a regular basis look our kids in the eyes and tell them how much we love them and love being with them, and that we are so glad to be their teacher? If we give them encouragement in this regard, the school struggles will at least be just school issues and not heart issues. Does that make sense? When our relationships are healthy, the other stuff like schoolwork flows better. When something like math is hard, we remember how much we love our children, take a deep breath of prayer, and help them as best we can with a sweet spirit. Praying to God privately for the patience we need through His spirit of grace makes for better days with our kids.
I hope this is encouraging. Hang in there, don’t quit, and relax tonight with hubby! 🙂 blessings to you
Just a couple of thoughts. Would you be able to sit down with your son and give him a heartfelt apology? He is only eight and when mom is uptight and shows disappointment, it is going to effect his math performance……don’t ask me how I know this
. The best thing I ever did for my son was relax! I stopped timing his facts test and focused on accuracy, I stopped saying things like, “We just did this one” when going through flashcards, I downloaded TIMEZ ATTACK to help him find some fun in the recall (our struggle was multiplication), but most of all, I prayed for a compassionate heart. Crushing his spirit was not one of my goals for our home school. I had to resolve that if it took him until he was 13 to learn his facts, I wasn’t going to make him feel “less” because of it.He is now just shy of 10 and he knows all of his facts forwards and backwards. It’s not a race.
Prayers for you from me.
~Heather
Thanks ladies….you have helped me already.
I did have to apologize to my oldest (heartfelt and several times over) for my inability to relax. I felt like I was on some time-table that someone (don’t know who) put me on. We are so far passed that that now he says he loves to be homeschooled and he appreciates me, whew! I have really relaxed with him. But, now I’m doing the same to my 8 yo. I just assumed that that relaxed feeling would just automatically flow down to the next child, but it has not. I remember having those frustrating moments with my oldest (I really made him feel bad about himself) and I can’t believe that I have done that very thing to my 8yo ds. I assumed that my younger ones would benefit from the experiences I had with my oldest, not have to go through it also, kwim??
I truly want to show love and compassion toward my kids (all of them)…in all areas, but I know that my facial expressions show everything. I would ask that you pray that my heart will match my expressions. I would rather that it be genuine. For some reason I have a look (or my 8yo perceives) of disappointment or “Come on, come on you should know this,” kind of look (oh, that is sooo bad), not all the time, but still. I can’t really say when this started with him (it’s over with my oldest), but I don’t like that about myself, that’s for sure.
Oh, and,yes, I need to stop saying, “We just did this one” too. Thanks for the reminder:)
I think I feel certain social pressure with my 8yo ds that I felt when my oldest was his age (had just started hsing him), but I don’t feel now. I guess I’ve been able to ‘see’ a partial of the end product (hope that sounds okay) and I’m just stressed over not being able to ‘see’ that with my 8yo, yet. That’s why I don’t know why I haven’t learned from my mistakes with my oldest. It didn’t help to make him feel bad, it just gave me something to regret and made him feel bad…I live with regret that I do not want to have to live with with my other two boys, nor do I want them to have these bad memories:) I know we all have some bad memories, but these shouldn’t be a part of them.
Thank you for taking the time to respond, it has helped tremendously…I needed reminding of the things I say and how they are received by my kids.
And, yes, a relaxing night with hubby is probably exactly what I need.
My 8yo dd hates math. She isn’t good at it. It takes a long time to understand concepts. It drives me nuts. I love math, it makes complete sense to me and she is drama queen while I am not. I pray in the morning (though sometimes forget to) that when I hear my irritation in my head, the Holy Spirit will help me keep it in my head and not let it get out of my mouth! I fail but the more I practice it, the more it helps. It kind of becomes a conversation I have with God while we do math. When she gets cranky, my brain starts screaming, I hear the Spirit ask me to remain calm, I groan and say all right, and then I hear my own voice speaking calmly to her. It shocks me when I hear it too! I feel like God is proud of my restraint. I pray it becomes a habit in my brain so I don’t have to try so hard but for now, daily prayer and math done before she gets too tired is helping. It just isn’t her thing and I am getting to be okay with that. You can do this. Pray, pray, pray. Our pastor always says that we have the power of the Holy Spirit in us, we just have to let Him do his work and stop getting in the way. I will be praying for you as I pray for my math time too! God bless
Thank you…to all of you.
Update: The boys had gone to a PE class so I had time to spend with the Lord. We had a good cry:) After the boys returned home we were having lunch but I just couldn’t finish. I had to talk to my 8yo, like right now! He saw I was visibly upset and thought that someone had passed away, poor baby. Well, we got to talking privately and I explained myself best I could. I did apologize for letting my fears and my perceived thoughts get the best of me. I apologized for letting my pride get in the way of our relationship and caring more about what people think of me than protecting him or caring for his well-being. Thanks Heather
.He was a little confused by all of my carrying on (I was bawling/he was crying), but I believe he understood that I don’t think it’s okay to make him feel bad and that I want to do better. I’m sure that he knows that I love him and that I desire to build him up, not tear him down. Honestly, he’s got the sweetest eyes I’ve ever seen and really loves God and Jesus (wants so badly to see meet them), but during the day he can make me crazy…well, all three of them can at some point. But, this was really more about him and I, not the other boys right now.
I did explain to him that Jesus meets each person where they are and accepts them just as they are (sin and all), and then works in their lives for His purposes. I told him that that is how a parent should be with their child….during math, for example, it is okay that he is right where he is and we will progress together. I think he understood. He said, “You know I’m not good under pressure anyway.” I said, I know and I’m sorry for pressing so hard.
Anyhow, God is good to answer our prayers. He is good to give us the desires of our hearts. He is good to give us so many chances to repent.
I will continue to pray during math….just for good measure:)
Blessings to all.
Oh, just for a chuckle…he says that Math and Science are his favorite subjects…go figure. My oldest boy struggled with reading (that was our biggest issue), but now, even though he still struggles some and I did not show him much patience, he loves to read. I thank God for His goodness toward me.
Glad your day ended well!
Here is another word of encouragement, quoting Mother Teresa…
“I want you to spend some time alone with Jesus. What does it mean to be alone with Jesus? It doesn’t mean to sit alone with our own thoughts. No, but even in the midst of the work and of people, you know His presence. It means that you know He is close to you, that He loves you, and are precious to Him. You belong to Him. If you know that, you will be able to face any failure.”
I try to remember that in the midst of my little people here. 🙂
Thanks…I’m glad it ended well, too. I feel I have a second chance, with a new perspective.
Thank you for the quote…that is very encouraging.
I just wanted to point out that the reason to do math is not to memorize math facts, but to learn problem solving skills needed in real life. Maybe that will take some stress off, too. This thread was a great read; very encouraging. I know what you mean about feeling like someone put you on a time table. I think it is because their education is solely our responsibility as homeschoolers and we know they are growing so fast and it will be time for college sooner than we think. You and your boys are so blessed to have each other.
. The best thing I ever did for my son was relax! I stopped timing his facts test and focused on accuracy, I stopped saying things like, “We just did this one” when going through flashcards, I downloaded TIMEZ ATTACK to help him find some fun in the recall (our struggle was multiplication), but most of all, I prayed for a compassionate heart. Crushing his spirit was not one of my goals for our home school. I had to resolve that if it took him until he was 13 to learn his facts, I wasn’t going to make him feel “less” because of it.
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