I feel like I'm failing…

((HUGS)) First, I will make a guess that with a 3 month old in the house a lot of this is adjustments for all the kids and you. I’ve been through it so often! We think that by the time baby is a couple weeks old that everyone has adjusted and we should be moving on with a regular day to day, no acting up, and everyone perfectly obedient and cheerful about school. The reality is that I’m a 35 year old mom who still is not perfect in my own character training (I get whiny, rebel at what others expect me to do, lazy sometimes, distracted, etc). If I’m still imperfect after decades of living and learning then I can’t expect my kids to be doing better than I am with not even half the life time working on it. I don’t give up, I just have to adjust my expectations a bit and stay consistent (again, something that I don’t do perfectly yet – drat!) and patient (um, after 9 kids I’m pretty sure I’ll never master patience).

So, here’s my advice:

Work with the kids together on some of the basics. Is everyone needing to do math? Great, let’s have a game together that is aimed at the younger learner (because the older ones need practice in the same concepts sometimes if just for review), then give each child a couple problems to work at their level of ability. They sit around the table and I pop over their shoulder and guide as needed.  Include the 3 year old at the table with something math-ish, like pattern blocks, puzzles, or other things to count and sort. They get to feel like the big kids, are contained, and don’t feel ignored so they aren’t quite as sassy. If they wander off to play then let them go.

For those working on reading skills, have them read words or sentences to someone younger – or to a pet, the baby, or a favorite stuffed animal. Then work with them 1 on 1 for a couple minutes while the others are doing their reading aloud to someone else.

Fitting in fun stuff – maybe do 1 fun thing first, then school, then a break, then school, then a fun thing, etc. And try to find ways that the fun can help work on the basic skills too. For example, I played Go Fish with one son yesterday  but we did Go Fish 10 – instead of asking for a matching card, we used ace through 9 cards and asked for the missing card we needed to add up to 10. If I had a 2 I would ask for an 8. If he had a 7 he asked for a 3. Do War and lay 2 cards each time that you then add, subtract, or multiply depending on what that child need to work on. If I lay 3 and 5 I may be doing addition (8 ), subtraction (2), or multiplication (15). If my child at the same time lays 6 and 3 he would add (9), subtract (3), or multiply (18) as well. We do the same operation and no matter which one we do, in that instance, he wins.  Need to work on reading? Make a game with word cards, or use storytelling dice and make up a story together and use part of it as copywork and reading practice.

I find I need to list out ideas like this at the beginning of the week so I can pick from my list during the week without having to think in the moment.

Character training – be consistent, don’t expect perfection, and be clear on what you are wanting them to do, not on what you don’t want.

Also, some physical exercise always helps my boys – so I will literally call out to do push ups, sit ups, jumping jacks, to crab walk across the room and back, walk backward, hop around the table, etc when I see a child getting distracted or wiggly.

Food – ugh. Why do they need to eat so often? I keep food easy and try to meal plan dinners. Breakfasts are always the same couple options (oatmeal, cereal, toast, with a side of fruit). Lunch is often simple snack plates of fresh fruit, veggies, dip, cheese, and meat. Or it is leftovers. Dinner is when I cook and I try to use the crock pot, instant pot, or just get in there and cook.

Tristan comma thanks for sharing. What you said is so helpful for me as well. Mrsmccardell, I will soon have a newborn, 21 month old, almost 4, almost 6, and 8 1/2 year old. My oldest is a boy. I am just teaching two right now and feeling really big and slow. I have felt similar to you and wonder how I will do it. I often think we need to just change our expectations. I am doing the basics and a loop schedule for everything else. I start with Bible time, then do one thing off of the loop schedule, then work with my youngest and my son could work independently but sometimes doesn’t, so I’m going to try to have him play with the youngest during that time. Then I will work with him on the basics. Since the basics are short lessons it shouldn’t take too long. I also want my kids to love learning so I try to plan to do something fun that they like. My son loves airplanes so on our loop schedule we might just learn more about airplanes. If school has felt too much like drudgery, then I will scrap the basics for the day or just do math and do something fun. I know that with a newborn everything seems to slow down and it does take awhile for the kids to adjust probably up to six months or more so give yourself much grace and I would adjust your expectations. Like Tristan said I would do simple meals and try not to cook much. I have a few easy crock pot meals that I could email you if you would like. You encouraged me a few years ago when I was having a lot of trouble with my schedule and we spoke over the phone. You can do this. You are not failing. I encourage you to pray and ask God to show you what to do moment by moment. And to show you all of the good that is happening!

Could your 9 YO have dyscalculia? If so you might need a special math program…I have heard that Ronit Bird is good for dyscalculia. And have you ever looked up symptoms of dyslexia for him? 9 is late to just be starting to read independently. I know many talk about children who are “late bloomers” in reading, but I have to wonder how many of those children are actually dyslexic and it’s not recognized. I thought DS1 was a late bloomer when he was barely reading at 7.5 after nearly 2 years of phonics, but nope, turns out he is dyslexic. Dyslexia affects so many things besides reading…processing speed, working memory, ability to memorize things like memory work, and more.

I mention this because if he does have either of those issues, recognizing them won’t make your life any easier, but will help you help him better, and give you explanations for things that might not make sense right now.

As to the character training, I have no words of wisdom but definitely sympathize. My 5 are similar in age to yours and I have done so many things to work on character, and I don’t think one bit of it has done any good at all. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother.

Oh I wish I wasn’t typing this either but I am:)  I have been homeschooling for almost 7 years and still feel your struggles, so you are not alone.  You have gotten wonderful tips already.

My mother-in-law once said “I think God gave us children to bring out the child in us” and I let her know for me it’s only for my sanctification!  Like Tristan said, I have not mastered patience yet.

I would love to peek in other’s homes too!  In fact, you are doing what I suggest, finding people who have been there, or others you may see around you and asking for tips.  Find people in your church that could walk you through things as well.  We can learn so much from each other.

Also, I really encourage women to not get too caught up in homeschooling.  I think it’s so consuming because it’s what we do all day long and have to think about it all the time, but in the grand scheme of life  it’s just not all that important.  I’d much rather my children learn to respect others, to love and serve them, and myself be able to watch other’s children, or have playdates to encourage struggling moms, etc. than having school take the priority in our home.

One thing I always suggest, is to get a lot of reading to them done while they eat.  I eat before or after meals, and then read our literature or history, or Bible, or science during their breakfast and lunch.  The little ones aren’t always quiet, but when are they anyways:)  We get so much done that way and it really helps me not feel like everything takes all day long.

For your 9 year old, I feel like it’s important to give them books they really are motivated to read.  I used to do the traditional readers and my kids (esp. my boys) couldn’t stand them.  When I switched to twaddle they wanted to read from the library, gasp:), they picked up reading very quickly.  I schedule reading time out loud with the ones learning and just keep patiently working on the words they consistently miss.

I agree about not labeling kids, but it also helps if you know what you are working with, after years of math struggles with my daughter, i found the term dyscalculia, and it sounded like her, then I found auditory processing, etc, and she’s seeing an Occupational Therapist who thinks she can really turn around some of her learning issues.  So you know your child, and if you feel there is something there, pursue it.

I don’t know your schedule either, we do year round to have short days, so I never feel bad taking a week off (or lightening the loads) to work on only character issues.  We usually have an electronics fast as well during our school break, which also affects me, but that’s the time we work on sibling relationships/obedience, etc.  We add electronics back in when they are treating each other and authority with kindness and respect.

Food has to be simple in my house because 1) I don’t like cooking:) 2) We have a lot of food intolerances  3) My kids have their Dad’s tall/skinny metabolism and eat a TON so it needs to be easy and cheap

-Oatmeal for breakfast daily, sandwiches and fruit (or rice cakes/corn tortillas) for lunch, dinner is the same rotation (fried rice, spaghetti, cabbage/beef, taco salad, potatoes, peppers,eggs, chicken and rice, sausage/lentils, tostadas, breakfast burritos, and a few more, half are crockpot meals)

Hang in there!