Name: Teach Them Diligently (Branson)
Start: 2025-05-15T00:00:00-05:00
End: 2025-05-17T23:59:59-05:00
Location: Branson, MO

Tagged: Bad attitude

This topic has 11 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 11 years ago by dsulliv1.

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)

Author
Posts
March 23, 2014 at 6:09 pm
dsulliv1
Participant
Hi,
I have not done much posting but I really need some input. My twin 12 year old son seems to be emotionally drawing into himself and developing a bad attitutde. Just six months ago, he was eager to learn and was even concerned on days when we didn’t do school. His brother might even get mad at him because he would work on school even when we didn’t have school scheduled! Fast forward to now….he complains about school and does it only to get done. He doesn’t seem to care, and he just seems so withdrawn. He was mad because I made he take a writing class for 10 weeks, but he survived… and his attitutde hasn’t improved. When I talk about next year, he doesn’t want to do ANYTHING that involves other people/students. Co-op, on line classes etc. The one time I saw his sweet personality come through this week was when I sat down and watched him play a computer game. He actually communicated with me!!

I have been thinking about taking him out for lunch and having a talk with him and trying to determine what is going on. But maybe his is just going through hormones???
We just got done with spring break, but I also consider taking another week to just really play…and maybe work on manners, chores, etch. The only thing he likes about school is reading. I am just at a lost!!

I need input quick–my schedule is made out for next week and I am perplexed as to what to do. Oh yeah, read my bible and talk to God. But if anyone has any input, I would really, really love it!!
grace
March 23, 2014 at 7:03 pm
Janell
Participant
After daily requiring my older children to complete an oral narration, written narration, or commonplace copywork entry for each of their books, I was astonished to discover that each child preferred written narrations over oral narrations and copywork. I thought just quickly telling about me their books or scribbling down a selection from their chapters would be the enticing choice than having to write actual paragraphs of thought. This led me to realize that my children thrive on independent work and actually like writing their thoughts down. Now, I do have children constantly wanting me to look at this, help with that, and hear about the cool things read, but these older children do that as part of our daily conversations. As we are a large family, I think a lot of the school frustrations arise from having to wait for me or another sibling in order to finish a subject rather than being able to just flow to the next lesson.
All that to say: Perhaps your son is an independent learner, the reason he doesn’t want co-op courses, and would bounce back into a vibrant learner if he had more personal study time (with clear expectations from Mama of course).
By the way, I have an identical twin and understand the challenges of keeping pace with another person all the time. My twin and I realized early that her victories were my victories and my victories were hers too. Meaning, it was and still is okay for us to succeed in different things and work independently from one another. One of our favorite verses is 2 Corinthians 10:12:
“For we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.”
Janell
March 23, 2014 at 9:22 pm
Alicia Hart
Participant
When my son was having a bad attitude, a friend of mine reminded me that – It takes a man to make a man. Now, when my son is having a bad attitude, I ask him if we need to call Dad at work and that normally fixes the problem!
HTH!
March 23, 2014 at 10:17 pm
Sara B.
Participant
I’m just trying to clarify here, but was this 10-week writing course after he had already started to withdraw, or was it at the beginning, perhaps being a catalyst to his withdrawal/attitude? I couldn’t quite tell from your post, but that could have a bearing on what might be going on if it seems it may have been a catalyst. If it was already happening when he took the class, what else happened in your family life or his life personally 5-6 months ago? In my limited experience with preteens, usually their hormones are up and down (daily even!), not constant for 6 months. And the psychologist in me is perceiving that perhaps something happened to him or your family that he is having trouble dealing with.
March 23, 2014 at 11:47 pm
1pageatatime
Participant
Hi Grace, I usually lurk here and rarely post.
I just wanted you to know you are not alone. I also have a 12yo son whose attitude has been on the decline. This is a difficult thing for me to witness. Your choice of words, ” I am losing my son,” is EXACTLY how I feel. In fact, I’ve said those exact words to my husband!
Lately I’ve felt so lost, wondering if my son needs more structure, or more freedom. Does he need more of a textbook approach, or should I lean toward an unschoolish approach?
For us, there are many other factors to consider, such as diet/exercise/sleep/schedule/relationships. I just know something needs to change, whether its routine or actual academic switching.
A big hug to you!
March 24, 2014 at 3:04 am
dsulliv1
Participant
Thank you everyone!!! I really appreciate all the posts and comments. Just to clarify, his attitude started before the writing class. Something did happen 5-6 months ago-we had to switch him to a new swim team, and he best friend did not make the switch. This was difficult for him, though he didn’t talk about it at all. But he saw his best friend almost everyday for swimming, and when we switched, he saw he maybe 2 times month. I know this was huge for him. But this was over 5 MONTHS ago!! We are now done with the swim team, the season is over and we are trying to get together with this family more often; I know it is important to him, (they homeschool as well)
I am going to try something new tomorrow. We have never really had a schedule, the kids just do whatever assignment they feel like doing at the time, but they work pretty steadily until about 2:30. For my own sanity, I want to have more of a schedule so I know when I am working with when. So, I am going to take tomorrow and have an “organization day” and we are going to work on a schedule together. That way, he will feel like he has some control over his day. We will also talk about chores, and assign different chores. We will still do math, Latin, bible and history-but the rest of the time will be spent organizing our day and time.
Other than that, I am thinking that he may need more room-more independence for his work. He does like to work alone-so maybe he would thrive with less “together” work, and more independent. Him and his brother have been working very closely together for almost 7 years-maybe he needs space????
I also struggle between how much work to give him. I want to ramp up his studies a little bit as he finishes his 6th grade year……but will that backfire too?? Or will giving him a challenge, motivate him? I guess I will just have to try out something and see what happens.
I am so grateful that I know God is in control, and that He is watching. I know that I might make some mistakes with this situation, but I do know that God will forgive me if I do.
Thanks again!!!
pam
March 24, 2014 at 7:00 am
missceegee
Participant
In our family, we have a goal of being self learners. We have a couple of things we do together, but the majority is individual. Both my dd13 and ds10 thrive on being independent. Even my dd6 likes some independence in her work. Give them a list (ala CM organizer) and they’re off. I find my kids enjoy everything more when they aren’t waiting for me to finish something else. I’ll try to write a bit more later. Blessings, christie
March 24, 2014 at 1:44 pm
Sue
Participant
I think, if I were you, I would investigate the best friend issue a bit more. Granted, you say it has been 5 months since they were separated on the swim team, but the thought that crossed my mind when I read your follow-up post was that he might be “mourning” the loss of his best friend. After all, you say it feels as though you are losing your son yet he is still there every day. Imagine how your son feels when things have gone from seeing his friend every day to seeing him only twice a month.
You might try going the extra mile on this one and set up regular time every week for your son to spend with his friend, whether at your house or the friend’s house, maybe even arrange a regular study time or project time weekly with the friend followed by some fun time. Anything to get them together more often would probably help.
Boys don’t always talk as often or as deeply about their friends as girls do, but that doesn’t mean that changes like the swim team situation don’t affect them profoundly.
March 24, 2014 at 3:23 pm
Wings2fly
Participant
Agreeing about the friend issue. It is hard for anyone to lose a good friend. Great advice from Sue.
March 24, 2014 at 3:43 pm
Sara B.
Participant
Agreeing with Sue there. I would be willing to bet that is what is going on. As Sue suggested, boys don’t usually talk about that stuff like girls do – certainly not as much nor do they express those feelings as deeply as girls do. My dh, for example, hates to feel emotion, so he suppresses it – but then it comes out in other ways, such as depression or anxiety.
March 24, 2014 at 4:46 pm
missceegee
Participant
I would agree with the friend issue, too. My dd13’s best friend has always lived in another state, but we have made a point of keeping them in touch via phone, email, mail, and Facetime/Skype. They only see each other 1-2 times per year, but they remain close. I would make some efforts on this front, too. I did receive your PM and will respond to that a bit later today.
March 24, 2014 at 10:20 pm
dsulliv1
Participant
Thanks ladies, I think you are all very wise. I have recently begun to make seeing them a priority; however, they are hard core homeschoolers who school from 7-4:30 almost every day. And they leave town most holidays so getting together with them is difficult. BUT I am going to try even harder, as well as invstigate some other means of communicating with his friends-email when they are out of town and school things together. I really like that idea!! This family does Classical Conversations, and I have told my son we could do that with his friends, but he is not interested.
Anyways, thanks again, I knew I would get good feedback here. I thanked God today for this board. There are so man different homeschool boards, but this is the place that I always feel at “home” and I know that the women/men here are balanced, Godly people-people who put God before anything-even school!!
grace