I am losing my son :( Need some input

After daily requiring my older children to complete an oral narration, written narration, or commonplace copywork entry for each of their books, I was astonished to discover that each child preferred written narrations over oral narrations and copywork. I thought just quickly telling about me their books or scribbling down a selection from their chapters would be the enticing choice than having to write actual paragraphs of thought. This led me to realize that my children thrive on independent work and actually like writing their thoughts down. Now, I do have children constantly wanting me to look at this, help with that, and hear about the cool things read, but these older children do that as part of our daily conversations. As we are a large family, I think a lot of the school frustrations arise from having to wait for me or another sibling in order to finish a subject rather than being able to just flow to the next lesson.

All that to say: Perhaps your son is an independent learner, the reason he doesn’t want co-op courses, and would bounce back into a vibrant learner if he had more personal study time (with clear expectations from Mama of course).

By the way, I have an identical twin and understand the challenges of keeping pace with another person all the time. My twin and I realized early that her victories were my victories and my victories were hers too. Meaning, it was and still is okay for us to succeed in different things and work independently from one another. One of our favorite verses is 2 Corinthians 10:12:

“For we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.”

Janell

I’m just trying to clarify here, but was this 10-week writing course after he had already started to withdraw, or was it at the beginning, perhaps being a catalyst to his withdrawal/attitude?  I couldn’t quite tell from your post, but that could have a bearing on what might be going on if it seems it may have been a catalyst.  If it was already happening when he took the class, what else happened in your family life or his life personally 5-6 months ago?  In my limited experience with preteens, usually their hormones are up and down (daily even!), not constant for 6 months.  And the psychologist in me is perceiving that perhaps something happened to him or your family that he is having trouble dealing with.

I think, if I were you, I would investigate the best friend issue a bit more. Granted, you say it has been 5 months since they were separated on the swim team, but the thought that crossed my mind when I read your follow-up post was that he might be “mourning” the loss of his best friend. After all, you say it feels as though you are losing your son yet he is still there every day. Imagine how your son feels when things have gone from seeing his friend every day to seeing him only twice a month.

You might try going the extra mile on this one and set up regular time every week for your son to spend with his friend, whether at your house or the friend’s house, maybe even arrange a regular study time or project time weekly with the friend followed by some fun time. Anything to get them together more often would probably help.

Boys don’t always talk as often or as deeply about their friends as girls do, but that doesn’t mean that changes like the swim team situation don’t affect them profoundly.

Agreeing with Sue there.  I would be willing to bet that is what is going on.  As Sue suggested, boys don’t usually talk about that stuff like girls do – certainly not as much nor do they express those feelings as deeply as girls do.  My dh, for example, hates to feel emotion, so he suppresses it – but then it comes out in other ways, such as depression or anxiety.