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Hubby working from home advice?
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Hi All! Just wondering if anybody has had experience with hubby at home all day. He’ll start a new job in Jan. The Godly wife of his boss (also happens to be a counselor) gave me some boundary ideas such as if we normally don’t really talk until 6pm, to keep that, certain days of the week to have him go work at the library (she won’t even let her hubby work at home:), etc. It’s an exciting opportunity, but I’m a bit nervous about the at-home part. I feel that my day is so full of school and activities, and I like to grab a little downtime when I can. But if he has requests of me…asking me to find this or that, call this place, make coffee, etc….. things that need my energy, I’m afraid I won’t respond well. I know, I need to stay in the Word and be a servant:) Also, I’m not SUPER strict on food, but am much healthier minded than he or the kids. So if kids want a treat, etc. you know who they go to. I’d like the rule that all food decisions are mine during the days, but don’t want to be a food nazi, either:) Sounds trivial, maybe, but it can be a source of conflict. He will often say ‘ask your mom.’ But if it’s something he wants, too, or he’s grabbing a snack and they see him, it’s a no-win battle with 3 against 1! Thanks for any advice:) Blessings, Gina
Oh, I can totally feel your pain! Hubby has been home the past couple days with some sort of an eye infection. Funny, we want him to be able to stay home all the time. But yes, he is in the way when he is here. LOL I have the same problem with the food thing… Must be a husband thing? I hope others have advice for you. I could use some of it, too! 🙂
Thanks, Sara:) It’s nice to hear somebody who understands. We love hubby dearly and I don’t want to sound critical…just a big adjustment is coming:) GIna
One of the biggest times of trial in our marriage came when dh went from working 12 hour continuous nights to 8 hour days. He would grab a pop tart and mountain dew for breakfast, had the nerve to make himself coffee in the morning (the smell makes me sick!), and he wanted to use the bathroom before work. How dare he?! After about three weeks, I started an argument that took me about five minutes till I realized things were not going the way I thought they would…it was a very humbling argument for me! I had no idea it would be such a big adjustment, and he wasn’t even home during the day! We had spent years making schedule accomodations for him and avoiding noise during the day so he could sleep, so why when he went to a “normal” schedule did things suddenly go south? Oh yeah, it was b/c of me. Just the fact that you realize things are going to be different and likely strained for a while as you all adjust is a step ahead of where we were at. I know families who have dad at home during the day and it works fine. It takes time and effort by both people and lots of talking about how things need to work, not so you get what you want, but so your family gets what is best for everyone. I try to remember what is better for my kids, to spend time with their wonderful father, even if he lets them have an occasional drink of pop, or to have a dad who has to (or chooses to) work countless hours or a strange shift and rarely gets to see their kids. Best wishes for everything and start praying now!
You will probably find it very helpful if your husband can establish regular working hours, even though he is home. Many people find it difficult adjusting to working at home because there are so many distractions – the family, chores that need to be done. You might be tempted to ask him to take care of somthing like a leaky faucet, he maight be temted to ask you to be his “secretary”. If you can make the expectations clear — like he can’t be disturbed from say 9am-lunch, then a few hours in the afternoon, then you can set boundaries like I’m happy to look up info or make phone calls for you between 3 and 4 pm (or whatever works for you), but make it clear that you can’t stop school to help him. Try to encourage him to stick to a break/lunch schedule as well, preferably coinciding with your school schedule so that he isn’t coming out looking for unhealthy munchies at times when your kids will be tempted to look for the same. You may need to rearrange your own schedule some, and compromises will have to be maded on everyone’s part. If at all possible, give him a defined office space — preferably with a door that he can close and teach your children to stay out of it — especially during dad’s office hours (make sur they understand what they are. A sign might be needed to help remind littler children.)
Hope some of this helps!
Thanks, Igeurink…good reminder that it’s not what I want. And I need to be fair. He may allow pop, but so do I sometimes…it’s just if he adds a splurge onto mine it’s too much…probably not real fair to him sometimes! I’m so used to home being ‘my domain’ during the day and am a bit nervous about the shift:) But I do think it could also be a true blessing for our family.
And thanks, 4myboys…good advice. And I hadn’t even thought that *I* could be a problem for him…asking him to fix something. Could totally see that happening, LOL:) And we’re working on the door…he took the bonus room. Fortunately, my kids are older so noise shouldn’t be too big of an issue. The scheduling is a good idea. Thanks gals:) Gina
My husband has worked from home for years now. He does leave for sales appointments, etc, but because he is in roofing he is home ALL winter! Winters test our marriage lol!
My advice is to stay flexible and be thoughtful of each other. Sometimes I do stop school to help him – sometimes I say “can this wait?” sometimes I pester him when he is trying to work (like when I asked him to help me carry our old refrigerator outside to the curb while he was making calls). After being off for a length of time it is always an adjustment when We start school again. We have a small house and sometimes he is on a sales call and we are trying to read and the kids can’t focus. Or it’s time to do Spanish an he is using our only computer. So we shelve it and do something else until we can get back to it. His work supports our family – it comes first. His schedule comes first. School can be flexible – I can be flexible. Customers wanting their roof fixed are not flexible lol.
Sometimes we just go outside, go upstairs, or take a break.
Remember our schedules and school are tools but our family home should be peaceful and cooperative. Don’t stick dogmatically to your schedule and require him to do so too. Be honest and communicative with each other. I am also one who tends to get irritable when someone messes up my routines, but it is not godly or right. So I try hard to accomodate what I can, and respectfully request what I need.
Good luck! My kids love having Daddy home all the time. Even if he is playing a podcast at full volume and we are starting school in 15 minutes lol
Tara
Thanks, Tara:) Good advice. Yes, I will definately need to watch my spirit. I can tend to have my own agenda and not like to be interrupted. I will look on this as an opportunity for sanctification in an area needing work. Just had a positive moment…overheard hubby telling dd “Mom’s in charge of food” in answer to her junk request:) Blessings, Gina
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