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how to teach respect to strangers
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my oldest dd is 8 and for adults she knows she talks nicely to them. However, when we are in a play land or at 4h and its a parent she doesn’t know she does not treat them with respect them at all. Here are 2 examples: At play land she wasn’t letting a boy play with her because he was shooting his finger like a gun. She was being mean (I couldn’t hear her) but this mom went up and asked her who her mom was. My dd responded in a very smarty way that she didn’t have a mom or a family. Well that mom found me anyway and gave me a piece of her mind. Another example, in 4h there is a mom my dd doesn’t know very well. Well this mom called my dd a little girl (my dd hates being called a little girl) and my dd screamed at her that she was not a little girl (in a very rude voice). How can I fix this? She says she isn’t suppose to talk to strangers. I told her even strangers desires respect. Thoughts?
I have no advice, but I can relate. I have an almost 8 year old who refuses to acknowledge greetings or questions from anyone she doesn’t know or see very often. I have no idea how to handle my situation either.
I guess my first question is did your daughter receive any consequences for each occasion – preferably consequences that really matter to her? For example with the play area incident we would have left the play area right after apologizing. Then the next day that I could have taken the child to the play area I would make a big deal about “I wish we could go to the play area but last time we went you did ____ and that is never okay. We’ll have to stay home today instead. And honestly, with your daughter’s age, it would be stay home from everything for a while at my house. If you have younger children an even better way to drive home the issue is to go ahead and go to the play area again soon – but the 8 year old must stay sitting in a seat and may not play, while the others get to have fun.
For the 4H issue – do you have a specific consequence for being mean/rude/yelling at others? Beyond having the child apologize? We teach our kids (or try to!) that we always speak kindly to others because we are each a child of God. It is never okay to yell at or speak unkindly to another person whether we know them or not. And we have consequences, which vary by child and what is most effective for each one.
Honestly, an 8 year old knows not to scream at an adult. She can’t pretend she didn’t know what she did was wrong. It was a deliberate action on her part.
Another aspect of this is to teach her exactly what she should have said or done and have her practice it eight times (her age is an easy number). We do this for many things. For example a child who forgets to shut the door on her way out of the bathroom goes to the bathroom, sits on the toilet lid, comes out, shuts the door, and walks to us. Then they go back in, sit, go out, shut the door, and come to use. Repeat until they’ve done it pleasantly as many times as they are old.
I made her sit down with me at the play land and write sentences. This took her about 30 minutes and after she played much better. I did not feel comfortable having her talk to that other parent as she couldn’t control her own temper (bad example to my dd as it was). As for 4h I made her write an apology letter to the parent then she also gave her some of her candy. Then I made her apology in person to the parent the next month. They both talked about why they said what they said and she knew what she did was wrong.
I may have to try your idea of practicing the situations.
In the past when she was 5 she treated everyone like this especially grandparents (except for me and my hubby). But we talked and talked and talked. We also have her write sentences as this calms her down from what ever she is doing and makes her think clearly about what happened.
Mommy2Girls, for the longest time my kids were never afraid of strangers. But one time someone stoped on our dirt road and tried to talk to the kids. I was there and the strage man left quickly. So then I taught them stranger danger but then they went all the way the other way. One day a police officer was driving around giving stickers to kids who were playing outside. He pulled up to our house and my kids hid fearing he was a fake cope and a stranger. So we had another talk.
All good advice ! IMA-I think kids should be more afraid of strangers even if they are a police officer. They shouldn’t have to show they are afraid but in all truth even if you know the person you don’t know what they think or do. I have seen people use candy, toys, pets, ect to gain a childs friendship just to molest them at a later time. Whether it is a police officer or a school custodian. I like the Berenstein Bears book about Stranger Danger. They liken it to bad apples. They may seem nice on the outside but on the inside they may be rotten.
Ex. My 10 yrs old neice just revealed last month that a man in the church has been molesting her since she was very young. So, if someone in church can do it unexpectedly (with my sister and other members around) then so could a police officer. He could be setting them up to be molested and just wanted to know how easy it would be to get around them. Or He could just a good guy….. You really never no until it is to late.
Better to be safe then sorry… You did good!
Yes, but I am wondering about what she is being taught about respect? Children ought to know the basics of how we show respect to others – especially adults, the elderly, disabled, public servants, etc… A child can say ‘no’ and stay safe, respectfully. It isn’t necessary to abuse another person to stand up for yourself.
Yelling at an adult would signal to me that the child has an inflated sense of her own importance. Sorry if that is blunt :). She is obviously a strong-spirited little girl, but she must understand that other people deserve the respect that she wants them to show her. And, quite frankly, other people are MORE worthy of respect than she is.
The Peacemaker book has been a big help to us in understanding how to resolve conflict and respect others, and writing out scriptures on Pride is helpful, too. :).
“writing out scriptures on Pride is helpful”
Now that is a wonderful idea!
Yes she is a very ‘weak’ willed (are Charlotte masons would say) individual. Very full of her own importance. However she has improved dramatically since she was younger. I am going to look up Bible verses that she can write for her sentences. Because writing calms her as it is, writing Bible verses should be doubly calm 🙂
I also love what you said “A child can say ‘no’ and stay safe, respectfully. It isn’t necessary to abuse another person to stand up for yourself” I am going to make a lesson about that. I need to read my rails book again and see if it has any ideas as well. That book has been a God send
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