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How to rest? or Get them to be less annoying??
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Let’s talk about how you do or have done this? I know it seems so easy. Let’s see you should sit on the couch the kids should play nice.. ahhh that seems so simple. ( Trying to rest to get my milk (nursing) to be good and healthy) But here’s what happens here.
One is toliet training and needs to go every 10 minutes (but has been dry all day), everyone else is bickering, making noise, fussing, fighting, grabbing things, stuff is being tossed everywhere, etc. Try to send them outside and they can’t get all there stuff on themselves (snow here), then they come in and it’s everywhere and wet.
I just can’t seem to figure out how to get them to be ?? I don’t know but content for me to rest maybe? I’m stressing about everything. Noise, stuff everywhere, things that need to be done.. how do I let it ALL go. I’m good in the afternoon things seems better but the mornings are rough. The only way I seem to be able to get them all quiet, content and not all the above is to put a movie in, but I can’t really do that everyday can i? Misty
Ha! That sounds like our house without a referee – at least for the younger ones.
Easy… no. Do-able, yes.
This is our house:
I don’t initiate toilet training rigidly until they can last at least half an hour. I’m not against it, but I don’t have the time or the patience. I will take them at scheduled times – first thing in the morning, mid morning, after lunch, mid afternoon, after supper, before bed. That’s enough for me, at least until they start wanting to go more or I know they can last long enough to not make me crazy.
If people are tossing things around, I toss them into a box and may or may not return them.
If they fight, they do extra housework.
If they grab things, my ruler and their hand have a meeting.
Noise and some fussing – inevitable to some extent in a house with so many kids. For me, it depends what kind of noise – I encourage music practice and singing.
Stuff everywhere – I tell my kids if they have so much that they can’t look after it, they had better decide what we are giving away immediately. Sometimes we end up giving things away, sometimes they look after their things better. I have to clean up my own stuff before I can do this 🙂
Outside – olders can and will help one younger get ready. When coming in, they have to stay within a certain area to undress, then hang their wet stuff on hooks with towels underneath. Olders also help youngers undressing. I’m in charge of mittens.
We don’t do movies anymore, because although the kids are good during the movie, they seem generally worse behaviour-wise if we watch movies. We provide a lot of opportunity for handicrafts and music – piano, violin, weaving, knitting, charcoal drawing and painting are the most popular. Board games are nice too.
Don’t let it all go – try and get them to refocus on helping you out more.
Gaeleen
Misty,
If, during this season of life, you need to let the kids watch more movies than normal, by all means, go ahead! I know you’re not one to do this on a consistent basis, but you, your baby, and your milk all need the peace and rest so don’t feel bad. When this season in life passes you can start to get things back to normal.
I would second the advice to try and have the older kids help the younger ones out as much as possible.
Hope you find some quiet!
Meagan
I think you can only do what you can do at this moment in your life. If that means putting on a good movie everyday, then do so. I am sure if you are like the rest of us we rarely watch this much all day everyday. So, when the time comes in our lives that are those passing moments (that sometimes last forever
) when we are at our wits end, sick, or tired then it is ok for a little while if it keeps everyone sane!!I have some major health issues. Some days are not so good. I do feel guilty when things don’t get done. But I can only do what I can in the moment. So if that means letting my kids play, or watch something, or play math computer games then that is what I will have to allow.
This time shall pass and your kids will survive. Of course, choose something that is healthy for them to watch. There are so many options out there!
How long have you been toliet training? If it hasn’t been long, I would just wait until things get less hectic. I tried to get my oldest potty trained before baby brother came. At first he did ok, then not. But I had baby brother early and had a premie to take care of. So, I ditched the training for my sanity and to focus on other things. Although he wasn’t trained until 3, I kept sane! I didn’t have any family around. So if YOU do then ask for help! If you don’t then do your best and accept that your kids will be just fine!
My friend got married later in life. So she had two kids quickily. She didn’t want to use tv time except 1 special short time during the day. She was also having some health problems. One day I just told her, You can let him watch an educational dvd or something special. It won’t hurt him. She felt like I always have about too much tv. But she finally let go and decided the time of day when things were going crazy and she was exhausted she would let him watch just a little more. I am not talking about ALL day mind you! Anyways,she now tells me, I am so glad you told me that(like she needed permission) because I feel so much better when I have rested, get blank done, etc.. Sometimes we just need permission to go ahead and do it. So here is your permission!! LOL!
Also, maybe you can tell the kiddos that in order to support their mom you need them to cooperate…help out etc..If they don’t then assign them extra chores. Maybe they will think twice before they complain or argue.
Remember, This too shall pass. My friend has to remind me of that often. It may take a few weeks. When baby is nursing well and you have your energy back, then things can return to normal.
May God give you strength!
Too funny!! It took me a while to write this post. When I sent it, I see two other posts that totally agree with the tv thing!!! So Misty there’s your permission!!
The only way I seem to be able to get them all quiet, content and not all the above is to put a movie in, but I can’t really do that everyday can i?
Not unless the plan is to reward undesireable behavior with a movie.
We established an every weekday “rest and read” time early on that has been very helpful. It starts after lunch and goes until 3pm. The rules are that everyone must be on their beds and quiet. Sleeping is not required but quietness is. Reading, drawing, or other quiet activities are allowed. I think when the kids were younger we also required lying down.
Little ones usually end up falling asleep. Mom usually gets a little nap too. Dad is exempt because he’s working.
(If anyone doesn’t think that’s fair and wants to be exempt too then dad will offer to give him a job to do.)When we first started this I recall hearing “but I don’t want to take a nap.” And it was so simple to answer, “You don’t have to take a nap. But you must be on your bed, lying down, and quiet. Would you like some help choosing some books to take with you?”
Our kids are all teens and young adults now but will still keep our “rest and read” time. It’s a nice way for everyone to refresh themselves with a little quiet. Sometimes it’s now used for independent school work. And dad still enjoys some quiet concentration time for his work.
I agree about the movie. There are many times I am so stressed that I just want to put in a movie to get them to quiet down, but I won’t do it if the stress is largely due to their noisy, uncooperative behavior. But, there are times….like (pardon me, Doug) when it’s approaching “that time,” ladies
….and I just know they will be pushing my buttons more than usual. Then I will tell them first thing in the morning, if you are obedient and complete ‘xyz’ by such-and-such time, you will be allowed to watch a movie. Believe me, I keep reminding them before things get out of control, “You don’t want to miss your movie-time treat, do you?”The other thought that came to mind is that you might want to check with any local groups (like maybe Keepers at Home) to see of any of the young teen girls would want to take on a project as a “mother’s helper” for an hour or so during the day. If you couldn’t hire someone, you might find a girl who needs to complete a service project or needs a good reference in the future. Or check with your church to see who is available, teen or grandma. Quite often, my children are very well-behaved when a different face is around, especially if he or she comes armed with a craft project or just wants to play games with them.
Blessings,
Sue
Misty,
I also agree that movies are a treat, and if you give the children this treat every time they aren’t doing what you asked them to do, then a bad habit is being formed.
Sonya could probably tell you chapter and verse where it is, but I will try to remember as best as I can. I remember reading in Laying Down the Rails and in CM’s own writings where you take the child into confidence and tell them what you want them to start doing. You say it with an attitude like you believe they will be successful because the children can pick up on your disbelief easily. So, if peace and quiet is what you need (and it’s not unreasonable), then try doing it CM’s way. Take each child, individually, aside and explain to the situation to them. For example, “Johnny, I want you to start doing something for me. I will do my best to help you remember, but I know that you can do this. I’ve been having a difficult time feeding your sister. I can feed her better if I am able to rest and concentrate on making food for her. I think you can help me with this. Can you? Ok, great! Here’s what I want you to try to remember…” And then you tell Johnny, Sally, Betty, and all the rest of your kids what you expect from them as it is age-appropriate and doable.
Also, I would make sure that each child is having individual play/rest time as well as being with all the siblings. For instance, it would be fun if your husband or a grandparent could take the children shopping for some new puzzles, Play Doh, crayons and paper, leisure books, legos or blocks, etc. Those are all quiet activities that will keep the children busy (and hopefully quiet!).
We also have a daily, required rest time in our house. My dd5 still sleeps during this time. Sometimes ds6.5 sleeps, even for a short time. Both children know that quiet and rest are required during our daily rest time. They are not allowed to leave their rooms until 3:00 p.m. I also use this time to rest or read, but it’s very refreshing for all of us; and it helps to jump-start our evenings with new energy and good attitudes as we prepare for dinner and family time.
Your children need to be able to respect the time you need to relax. You should expect them to do this. It’s not unreasonable, and it sounds like playing nicely, respecting one another, and learning to control their volume are things they need to learn anyway.
One of the rules in our home is “We consider one another’s interests ahead of our own.” This is a great time for your children to learn to consider you, their new sister, and each other’s interests ahead of their own. I hope you get it all figured out; I know you will!
Blessings,
Lindsey
P.S. How old is your oldest? If he is over the age of 10 or 11, why can’t he be responsible for helping to potty train the little one? It is not an unreasonable request to have an older sibling take some responsibility for a younger one. The oldest one could be given a timer to set himself. Every time the timer goes off, he knows it’s time to take baby brother to potty. It might really make him feel good to see you trusting him with such a great responsibility. Just a thought…
I agree with Doug about the “reward for undesirable behaviour” – I should have clarified: we do watch an occasional movie as a treat or reward, but we do not use movies as a regular diversion anymore (we have in the past). Sometimes a short term fix can create a long term problem…
Gaeleen
We did what Doug said too. My sister with 11 children still does it. You need to make sure they know that if they break the rules they will be disciplined. Lay it out clearly before you start.
I want to clarify that I did not think about creating a bad habit. I think it needs to be offered as a reward. Am I correct in thinking that you are asking for help because of your season in life? New baby and nursing problems? That is why I mentioned nor to worry about the movie/tv issue if it is only for a few weeks.
I don’t want to create bad habits in my children either. I just make them understand This is for today. It is not all day everyday. Mommy needs to rest. You may earn this time if you do your chores, school work, etc.. I don’t know..it just works for us. Thank goodness! Yes, assigning quiet time is a wonderful idea! But what do you do with the little ones who get up constantly etc… This is where training comes in. BUT if you are already tired and stressed that is the last thing you want to do! I am not saying never train. I am saying that sometimes you have to consider what is going on with your own health. I believe Misty you said you were having problems in nursing. And having a newborn. My guess is you need something that you don’t have to think about. You just do it and there is quiet!
Later on you can implement other rules…such as quiet time if it stresses you out too much to think about it. I am just speaking from experience dealing with health issues. On bad days, I do what I can to get through the day. I don’t make my children suffer because of my illness nor do I think I am creating bad habits. I try to explain and they just know.
All the above suggestions are great! I totally agree! So would you do this if you needed immediate quiet? And have not already trained the children to do so? As in Misty’s case, she might need some immediate answers to get through this time in her life. Probably only a few weeks. Just curious? My boys are pretty good. But when I ask them to go do something while I lay down, they go for a while and then they eventually come ask me something!
I guess I could get my husband to train them over the weekends with a longer quiet time. I just don’t have the energy right now. I am thinking while writing ..sorry!
Great suggestion about getting older one to help out in potty training!!
I don’t want to disagree with the bad habit discussion, but I’d also like to sympathize with being so stressed that you have to find a bit of respite sometimes, even if it requires going against your normal grain. I too require “quiet time” at my house with or without a nap, but for the past 8 months my 3 yos have literally jumped up and down in their cribs screaming, squealing, etc. for the entire “quiet time” which really makes it the worst time of the day for me and provides no rest at all for anyone (we have tried many different things to deal with this – nothing works). That being said, sometimes things just don’t work out like we’d like them and we have to endure the rough seasons the best we can – for me at least it has helped me rely on God more for strength and endurance because no matter all my best efforts some things just don’t seem to work out.
I will give a 4th to the tv thing – when I was on bedrest, pregnant with my twins, I felt horrible because I was encouraging my 1 y.o. to watch so much tv, but that was just how it had to be if we wanted two more healthy babies. He had one favorite video we watched ALL the time, now my younger two love it as well – I get nauseous listening to it to this day. Like Meagan said, it is a season of life right now.
We struggle here with accomplishing a “quiet time” but one thing that helps mine (even the crib bound ones) is to let them read in bed instead of napping – that helps some, or they will sometimes listen to books on tape or music in their room for some down time.
Could one of your older ones help the one that is potty training? My older son helps the little ones with underwear, zips and snaps – he can do coats and shoes too, so maybe that would help the getting outside process? I often forget that he can help more than I let him. He also likes to read with the little ones, that helps.
With bickering, that seems to be constant at my house right now. I also will take away anything that is being fought over. I try to make sure that everyone knows the right way to handle conflict and I will periodically walk them through a conflict but I try to just remind them to handle it in a godly way and remind them that if they can’t settle it I will have to take ____ away – I found that I was being the toy referee for most of the day and that my sweet little boys could be very manipulative when it came to telling me how it all went down, and really in most cases they were both/all in the wrong. I am sure that many times someone is getting done wrong, but I also want them to see that that is part of life also and be able to handle it without depending on me to solve all their disagreements.
Letting it go…..that is hard, but the more small people I have had in my small house, I’ve had to do that more and more (and I don’t have as many as you). For me it is very hard to let go of what my ideals are for my children – I have found that sometimes I get so stressed trying to implement certain things that I think are best that I end up being so harsh and it is miserable for everyone. I’ve had to learn to have a messier house than I’d like, not be a gourmet cook like I’d like and many other things in order to love my children more. I think here is where it is different for everyone (as in what are the non-compromiseable things) but I’d encourage you to focus on things eternal and let some things go by the wayside for a while.
I hope you find a good solution for the meantime – I’ll pray for you today while I endure our “non-rest time” 🙂 Enjoy your children!
Lesley
p.s. and by the way, mine sometimes go for weeks without watching t.v. now – we recovered from our “show” indulgence just fine 🙂
Thanks everyone for the suggestions. And yes I do have training to do.. don’t we all?? But what I need is something for NOW.. I can’t train and be resting.. As far as the toliet training she does tell us when she has to go and the older 2 boys (12 & 11) will take her.
What I need is a way to keep my 20 month old in check. She’s the one making the mess not the other kids. She’s the one I need help with.
And I do have a friend with a daughter who could come help but she’s 13 and I feel like, hey shouldn’t my boys be able to do what I need her to do??
Thanks and I will really have to see where this goes. You are all such a great bunch that I always know you’ll lead me to a greater place.
Misty, I have a 17-mth-old boy running around causing trouble all the time, so I know exactly what you mean about the toddler causing the mess. (At least the olders can clean up their own messes.) Have one of the boys follow the little one around. I do that with my kids. Even my 4yo can follow him around and at least sort of keep him out of trouble (sometimes by sitting on him, but you know
). My 7yo and 6yo follow him around a lot, and while I sometimes have to remind them, I don’t have to get up to remind them. They will play with him, get him his cup, read to him, just chase him, get him in and out of his booster seat at the table, give him snacks, etc. The only I personally *have* to do for him is change his diaper. They can even get him dressed. Sometimes I do have to pour the milk if it’s too heavy, but your boys should be plenty big to do that.Could any of this help you? Praying for peace and quiet!
Sara 🙂
Misty, I am sorry, I misunderstood your first post. I somehow had the impression all the kids were causing trouble for you. Perhaps you should consider having your neighbor’s daughter come and help out, if that’s possible. There’s a big difference in that eleven, twelve, thirteen year old range, both in maturity and capabilities. Maybe your boys should be able to do what she does, but if they can’t/aren’t – take the help!!
Gaeleen
) when we are at our wits end, sick, or tired then it is ok for a little while if it keeps everyone sane!!
(If anyone doesn’t think that’s fair and wants to be exempt too then dad will offer to give him a job to do.)
). My 7yo and 6yo follow him around a lot, and while I sometimes have to remind them, I don’t have to get up to remind them. They will play with him, get him his cup, read to him, just chase him, get him in and out of his booster seat at the table, give him snacks, etc. The only I personally *have* to do for him is change his diaper. They can even get him dressed. Sometimes I do have to pour the milk if it’s too heavy, but your boys should be plenty big to do that.- The topic ‘How to rest? or Get them to be less annoying??’ is closed to new replies.