How to habit train for kindness?

You could have her do over the action she should have done.  In addition without it being a punishment you might want to consider doing a family Bible study on love.  Memorize the verses, talk about what love looks like and watch for opportunities to show love then report back.  Watch her carefully, stop her when she starts to do something unkind and praise her progress.

We are working on kindess now with our 7 yr and 5 yr old daughters. Right now their problems are just not sharing well or the oldest being bossy with the younger 2. We are using Keeper’s of the Faith character book on Kindness. It has stories that show examples of kindess; bible verses and how to apply them to our life; definitions of compassion, kindess, unselfishness, etc; examples from the scriptures;  and examples of how to do kind things and a list to pick from to try each week. The best part I think is the journal and making journal entries for 30 days because it takes 30 days to create a habit. Instead of using their journal pages in the book, I bought each of my daughters a journal from the dollar store, and each night we talk about what they did to be kind and how they were not kind, and I have them handwrite simple sentances such as “I helped mommy open the door,”  or “I did not share the dinosaur toy.” It helps my 7 yr old see that for the past day or so she needs to work harder. Then I point out an area to work on the next day, and we act out how to do it better (sharing with her sister–let her pick 2 animals from the jungle animal tub first). That way she knows what to do and what is expected and she feels confident she can do better and can record it in her journal! The book suggests putting up the word “Kindness” in their room to see in the morning to remind them to pray, and around the house on cards (they put cards up in the bathrooms and playroom). They are to pray in the a.m., at noon time,  and evening also. I stressed to my girls it is God’s power that helps us to be kind, and how prayer helps us. 🙂 The book wisely shows that we can not just “think” kind thoughts, but we are kind only when we take ACTION.

HTH!
Tara

Tara those are wonderful suggestions especially for younger children.  I may need to implement the journal idea with my 5 and 7 yr old. 

Nanci I just got that book.  It looks great and I plan to read it to my boys at some point.  I have 3 boys & girl, but I assumed the principles in it are the same.

I think an 11 yo could easily read it on his/her own. 

It would depend on your family and how many children you have whether you’d read it aloud or not. I chose to read it aloud because my 4th child was 5 at the time (and she couldn’t read it yet), and I wanted everyone to hear it. Plus I could ask questions and get a discussion going.

What I really like about it is that they are honest about their struggles with getting along with each other. It’s also good that they give the perspective of the oldest, middle and youngest child, too.

But it’s definitely a book you’d want to pull off the shelves from time to time and re-read, either individually or as a family.

Of course, it goes without saying that Bible verses on this topic come first for discussions, but sometimes it is helpful to have a book like this to read.

Nanci

One of the ways we reinforced kindness was with 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. We spent about four weeks memorizing the verses. Anytime one of my children was being unkind in whatever way to the other, I would remind them that love is not rude or love does not boast or love is patient. I would simply say, “Son, you’re being rude to your sister when you tell her you don’t want to play with her. Do you love your sister?” He would always reply, “Yes.” To which I would say, “Then please remember that love isn’t rude and if you love your sister, you won’t be rude to her.” The same conversation would apply whenever one child would act pridefully toward the other. I would remind that child that love doesn’t boast, and that acting pridefully is the same as boasting. I would often even have to remind myself that love is patient and if I love my children, I must be more patient with them. 

In that sense, it was applied to all of us; not just the children.

It was, I felt, the best way to communicate that kindness is about being unselfish; that we must prefer another’s needs or wants above our own. And that it isn’t just Mommy or Daddy telling you to be kind. God’s Word tells us not only to be loving, but also HOW to be loving and kind.

LindseyD: I like how you word “Love doesn’t or isn’t…” to your children. I’ll use that!

Nanci: Your welcome. I’m glad the idea helped! It is always good to journal to get feelings out!

Tara