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How to get kids to start school on time and stay on task; consequences
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We have been pretty laid back in our schedule, but I really am tired of helping with school at 5 pm and later. This does not happen every day, but too often. I would really like to have all of our school work done by lunch, or shortly after and do chores and hobbies and quiet time in the afternoon, leaving our evenings to enjoy as family time. If we have plans to leave the house that day, they do better at getting it done sooner. I am in the process of creating a school room with individual desks. I think this would help them to stay on task better, having less distractions and all of their resources there at their desks. But I need help in how to enforce the rules to start school by 8:30 and finish by 1:00 for lunch, having a snack and break in between. I need ideas for consequences if they don’t do it. Do I issue tardies when they are late? What happens with so many tardies? I explained to them already how it would be in ps and if they had a paid job to get to on time. What if they are not working on their school assignments when they should be?
My 8DD is more of an active learner and is caught many times out of her seat and playing. She says that is her recess, but I tell her she does not get a student declared recess! She started to get her dolls out, so I took them from her. One day I said no talking, so she was whispering (not talking, ha, ha) to her brother across the dinning room table and I had her to stand up to finish her work, losing her seat privilege. She said she thinks she did her math work quicker and better while standing. So I am thinking a moving computer desk type of chair would help her learn better, while moving. Thoughts? Anyways, that is an example of the chaos I deal with at school time here. What should take 2 hours, takes 4 hours. I spent about a month in the spring timing their subjects and making cuts to their written schedules so they could get done sooner. But I am finding it is taking just as long because they do not start school at any particular time and do not stay on task.
Then my 11DS is very slow in his work. He does not like to ask for help, so it takes him longer to figure it out. His writing is slow because he wants it to look neat and not mess up. He is very slow getting ready in the bathroom in the morning. I have had him use a timer but he ignores the time limits I set and goes over, often by 15 minutes. Then if I push him out and he is not finished, I get a bad attitude from him. Everything for him takes longer than it is supposed to. I have explained to him that employers don’t like slow workers. I am not sure what to do to help speed him along a little.
Your experiences, ideas and advice in these matters is much appreciated. I am hoping for a smoother school schedule next year.
An example of how slow my son is: After breakfast, it took him 45 minutes to feed the dog, wash his hands, brush his teeth, and get a drink of water.
So many things are running through my head after reading your post! Let’s see what I can get down before lunch is finished baking….
Tie work to eating. This one some people absolutely refuse to do and that’s okay, to each their own. 2 Thessalonians 3:10 says: “For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat.” At my house you have work to do and if you haven’t done it by lunch you don’t eat that meal. You go do your work instead. And I won’t make you lunch later either. A missed meal is missed. When kids go outside in the afternoon you miss that if work still isn’t done. If you haven’t finished school work by snack time or dinner time you miss those as well. With this one you have to be sure the work you are giving them to do is reasonable and within their abilities.
Make a strong morning routine. If you want everyone doing school by 8:30am you need to be getting them up in plenty of time to finish morning things (eat, dressed, chores). For some families that may be 7am, for others it may be earlier or later. You may even choose to have different wakeup times for each child based on their speed – thinking of your slow and steady child here, he may need to be the first one up every day until he learns to do things more efficiently.
Setting everyone up for success helps. Do they have a daily checklist of exactly what they need to do that day or are they waiting around on you to tell them what to do next? Teach them to literally check things off and put their ‘breaks’ on the list even. So maybe you write a day that looks like this:
- Math page 35
- Read 1 chapter in History story.
- Break time – set the timer for 15 minutes and have fun.
- Writing – work on your story for 15 minutes – set a timer so you know when you are done.
- Go to the table and do an art project.
- Take a break – 15 minutes with a timer.
You may want to work with your slow and steady child on his morning routine. Literally, one on one, walk side by side to do the steps he needs to, saying what to do, and what to do next. See what is taking him so long – is he getting sidetracked by looking out the window, playing with the dog instead of feeding quickly and going to wash his hands, waiting for the bathroom because someone else is in there? There are reasons – you need to discover them. And then work with him until the routine is so engrained in him to do the next thing quickly that it truly becomes automatic. Some kids take a LOT of this training help, while others don’t. That’s ok! But if you never start or quit working with him too soon he’ll slide right back into his slow and distracted ways. So make it a priority if it is important to you that this changes.
Another thing that comes to mind – consider putting things you do with them first or early in their checklist so that all they are left with if they are taking too long and have to work into the afternoon are individual subjects that you aren’t sitting with them to do.
One more – I know it sounds crazy, but what are YOU doing during this time? If the teacher is busy seeing to other things (cleaning, laundry, cooking, reading her own book, getting on the computer or phone, etc) then the students are going to take longer. One simple solution during this training period is to be present during school. Lay aside the things you usually do ‘while they’re working’ because that is what isn’t working. If you spent a focused 2 hours in the room/at the table working with them when they need it and redirecting them when they get distracted you’ll all get done and have the rest of the day to do the things you usually putter around doing while they drag school out all day.
Please understand I know that is a sacrifice! I know it would be hard. For example this fall I’ll have a 4, 3, 2, and newborn to care for while the 6, 8, 9, 11, and 14 year old do school. I will have to split my attention to some degree, handle the medical needs of the 3 year old on schedule, etc. But even with that situation there are possibilities for keeping as much of my time clear as possible and being right with my working children. (even if that means 4 little ones are in the room with quiet things to do or sitting on my lap)).
Oh, and rereading your post – I have one child who does math better when standing up! So if that is the case then make a designated spot for your child to do that. For my child I can have them sit and take an hour to do a math page or I can hand them the same page and let them stand and it will be done in 20 minutes.
Thank you, Tristan. There are many good ideas here. They do have a schedule, but no breaks on it, so I will add that in. I did not think my 11 yo would need so much hand holding, but I guess I was wrong. I will stick closer to him and observe and offer more specific help to him. I really think individual desks will help at this point too. I need something for them to look forward to each day, because they really do well in their timing when we have somewhere to go in the afternoon. But I can’t go everyday. When we are home all day, school drags on and too much time is wasted. Maybe a tv show at a certain time, I don’t know.
Yes, something to look forward too is hard to come by sometimes! Do they like being outside? That could be it on some days. And a tv show is great too, especially if you find a series and they can see one episode and it just continues. (Ideas for series we’ve liked: Little House on the Prairie, Mythbusters, Caesar 911, Dirty Jobs, How It’s Made, Christy, even old cartoons like Pink Panther, Duck Tales, etc.)
Tristan, I just want you to know that I love reading your answers! I have been following this thread because it applies to our house, too. Thank you for sharing so freely your wisdom and experience!
I’m in the process of thinking through our “daily rhythm” for next year — I’m going to add breaks and am going to seriously consider adding a movie for the end of the school day. Around here, movies (anything watched on a screen) are very motivating, so I think it’ll work as a reward at the end of a good day.
Yes, Tristan. Thank you for sharing. I only homeschool one. But, since I have to sit with her to help with much of her work, it is difficult to keep a routine. We often stretch our day out way longer than it needs to be. For children with learning disabilities like my daughter, it is recommended to give many breaks. So, I would just give breaks when I could tell she needed one. I need to try a consistent routine again. This has never been a strong point of mine. Thanks for more nudging:)
I should have also said that the reminder to watch what I am doing during school hours is esp. applicable to me – I am so good at telling the girls to come or do something while I run and deal w/ laundry.
Yes, I am guilty of doing laundry, planning, phone calls, Internet, etc. expecting them to come to me. I do sit down with them some and grade their work, but I am not there as much as when they were younger. I am glad to know I am not alone. I was somewhat embarrassed to post, but also in desperate need of help.
I told my son I was going to sit right with him and help him and not go do the other things I usually do. It really touched his heart and brought a few tears to his eyes. Then I told him it was due to this wise, kind mother of eight on the hs forum and her advice. And then he cried some more. So thank you so much, Tristan and the SCM forum.
Aww, I’m glad to help. I have simply been given a lot of experience with so many kids so I’ve had a lot of challenges to tackle because it seems most of them are different. Glad to share!
As someone who has homeschooled growing up, being present (sitting in the same area, not on the computer, phone or doing other tasks) while your kids do school can make such a huge difference!
We had a set up that each of the kids (there were 4 of us) had shared desks (2 to a long desk) and my mom had her own desk. She always sat at the desk waiting to help us. She would write letters to friends, sometimes catch up on a book, but she was never doing other household tasks.
I think it made a big difference. She was there to answer questions right away, we felt important because she was not distracted, we finished school quickly. We usually started around 8:30 and finished by 11:30 or 12pm.
It was not always easy, we had struggles in our family, but I always remember her being there even if in the afternoon she had to take a rest because sleep did not happen the night before.
It is a work in progress for me, but I can see that my kids do so much better staying focused and on task when I lead by example and do not let myself get distracted.
Wow, Sarah2106, thank you for sharing your experience. I had no idea what difference it would make with the kids. You ladies are so helpful. It is so easy to go do this or that while they work, so much to do and all. But I can see how if I help them finish their work sooner, they can help me finish my work. And we can have some morning chore time so I can start a load of laundry first, and switch it out on a scheduled break, which I now see the need to schedule in for all of us.
These breaks may help my son. I am not sure if he has learning disabilities or not, he reads well, but math has always been a big struggle for him. So thanks for sharing about the need for many breaks, psreitmom. It will give him something to look forward to after math.
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