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How many outside activities are your children involved in?
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Hello! I’ve been stalking this forum for the last two years and have really come to appreciate the wisdom and encouragement given here. So now I’m asking for opinions on something that has been bothering me lately.
About eight months ago, our family moved out of the small city where we were living onto 13 acres in the country, about 30 minutes outside “town”. We absolutely love it and my four children, ages 11 to 2, have been very happy. We have chickens and are trying to grow a garden and my three boys spend their days building forts and exploring.
However, I am starting to worry that we are becoming a bit isolated. Most of the time, the only children my kids interact with is at church once a week since most of our friends don’t like to drive to our home because it’s “too far” and we can’t go into town frequently because of gas prices. Every now and then we will spend some time with friends, like when we helped some move last weekend but it is few and far between. And then my oldest plays soccer, which he has done every spring for the last three years, but other than that, we really don’t spend much time with other people.
Would any of you consider this to be a valid concern? I don’t want my children to turn into those “weird homeschoolers” LOL, but in all seriousness, I do want them to be comfortable mixing with other people and I noticed the last time we went to the park, they were very hesitant to play with some other children who were inviting them to join them. My DH had to push them to go play. Maybe I’m just being overly sensitive about the “socialization” issue. My DH has made a casual remark about it but doesn’t seem too worried.
The little local public school has been reaching out to homeschoolers lately, trying to get them to enroll for the PE classes, field trips, etc. Granted, this school has less than 20 students from K-8; it is literally a one-room schoolhouse. This seems to be the answer to my “friends problem” but, after all, it is still a public school.
So sorry if I’m rambling. *sigh* I’m really torn and it hit me today when my 6yo and I were talking about his birthday coming up and I realized that he only has one person to invite; that’s the only friend he has. And my 11yo has only one friend, too, whom he rarely sees because the friend goes to public school, lives in town and doesn’t always go to church.
So all of that to say, would you pursue outside activities like sports, classes, etc. in order to make friends if you were in this situation? I just hate that my 11yo doesn’t really have any friends; it also doesn’t help that he was so bored by our church’s Sunday School program that he begged to stop going and now stays with us in the big church.
Okay, I’ll stop talking now. Any thoughts? What do some of you who live in the country do?
Hi!
We live in a rural area, 3 miles from a small town and 20 miles from a “larger” town. I used to have the same concerns as you and was worried about my kids not having friends but my husband always told me not to worry. Now my kids are still young; 10, 8, 7, & 5, and they never had any friends until they got to be about 7. My 7 year old just this past fall found a good friend. We have recently started a home school co-op but we used to meet at the town park once a week and that is where they made their friends. Do you know of other home schoolers in your area? Since we started this co-op they seem to be coming out of the wood work! 🙂
We can’t drive to the larger town on a regular basis either so we stay close to home too.
Last year our ps opened up to home schoolers and my kids do art and phy-ed there every week but I didn’t have them do this to make friends (although two of my three that go have made friends). I just kept telling myself, when I felt guilty about it, that they have each other and that will make them closer friends.
I would give it time before I started really being concerned about it although I know it is hard not to worry!
HTH!
It’s not something I would worry about, but to me family members are the built in friends my kids need to start with. Family relationships develop a lot more skills because you’re with them so much!
As for outside activities:
My 11 yo has a church activity group with girls 8-11 twice a month. When she is 12 she moves up to the youth group weekly.
My 8yo son has cub scouts weekly with church (and hubby is one of the cub leaders).
Right now (for the last 2 months) my 7, 8, and 11yo have been learning to swim once a week at the YMCA, they’re in the same class time and same pool with 2 different instructors. They will probably do the next 2 month session of swim lessons too, then be done.
My younger four children are not in any activities (they are 5, 4, 2, 1).
Once a month we get together with homeschool friends for a book club as families.
I just wanted to say we live 40 minutes from a large town and our kids are not and have not been involved in activities at all. We just can’t do the drive 2 plus times a week or more with 7 kids. We are ok with it. We have friends we get together with and we try to do church activites when time allows (festivals, clean up projects etc)
Just my 2 cents And we don’t worry
My opinion 🙂 – A lot of time spent with peers is overrated. Growing up I spent entirely too much time with friends and it definitlely was not to my benefit. That being said I also believe that God did not create us to be an island to ourselves. We are built for one another. I think you would have to look at your families situation. If your son plays soccer and the other children tag along where they are able to interact with siblings, you all attend churh where they have children to interact with, and you have friends with children their age they will be just fine. 🙂 If all of that is not true and you notice your children becoming withdrawn or seem unhappy then I would say definitely pursue contacting other homeschoolers in your rural area for playdates, etc. (Obviously they are out there if the public school is making those efforts) If that doesn’t work out do the P.E. or field trips. It’s such a small school and it would only be once or twice a week. I would have no problem allowing my children to do that. I know Im rambling, but I just want you to know that I have been where you are! lol! After we started homeschooling we became anti-social. I have never been found of too much time spent with peers bc of the different ways that I see a lot of children raised. Ex: music listened to, television watched, ccntent of language. I have four children and thought that they were friends enough. I shortly began to see a difference in their actions and personality. My 12 yr old became very anti-social and was generally unhappy. Not sad.. but not happy. He said he was fine but I know that it was not fine. Luckily, we have a good size homeschool group with various activities so we started basketball and the boys loved it. We plan to do other activities.. once or twice monthly. I even changed churhes (not SOLELY for this reason) where there are more young peoople. I’m trying to find that balance. I don’t want them envolved in some activity daily or “hanging” out with friends all the time but I also know that they need some interaction and friendships. They also need to know how interact with others and work out problems etc. Sorry for the rambling.. hope it was some help to you. 🙂
Thank you everyone, this has been very helpful. While there is a homeschooling group here, it is mostly just an online forum for posting community events or asking questions. No one really gets together on a regular basis; at least no one with older children does. This area is actually very big into homeschooling through charter schools which means most people are already involved in friendships and community that way.
I think I will suggest to my DH to pursue the local school’s offerings. And I noticed just the other day that the little town 15 minutes away where my son goes to soccer also has a Boy Scout troop. I know he would love that, so maybe that is an option.
Thank you for helping me process this and putting it into some perspective!
I didn’t read all the responses but for me the social aspect outside our house is pretty important. My oldest especially is a really social kid. We do soccer and we go to CBS (Community Bible study) which has a homeschooling group. We all go together to the park together afterwards when it is nice out.
I don’t know if there is anything like that or any homeschooling coop around you but just thought it could be an idea.
Are there any homeschoolers in your area? If so there is a lot you could do together.
We have a program once a month at the Nature Center.
You could do art together, gardening club, book club.
If not w/homeschoolers maybe some after school program.
Definitely check out the Boy Scout Troop! If it is a good one, it will be well worth it!
We are in the city (but without daytime transportation now….) – my kids do scouting and swimming. Once a month, my son has a church activity. (When my younger kids hit 8, they will also have church activities….)
We used to also do Suzuki violin, but that is a long bitter storry now….
Well, we have a little different perspective I guess. We live right in town, just a mile from dh’s office. We are right in the middle of activites and live very close to many hs’ers, but we do what I feel is very little. We purposely keep them home and away from other kids. With my two dds their behavior and speech are very negatively affected by any interaction with other kiddos, even our friends, even at church, even at events with other hs’ers.
To answer your original question about amount of activities, we do church and sunday school, then another church activity on Wednesday evenings, plus a book group at the library Wed mornings. On Friday we do a co-op for science/art. Sometimes they are in swimming lessons on Tuesdays, sometimes we do a PE session on Tuesdays. We do have one family that we see quite regularly but even those times I tend to cringe about afterward due to the sassiness of my daughters speech. Not ideal, but this is a great family and their dds are truly sweet girls. (Is it just a mob mentality that gets them to be cranky? We tend to steer clear of sugar, dyes, etc completely.)
Anyway, we do very little, even though we could really be hoppin’ all week long if we wanted to. I don’t think I’d rush to get them involved outside the house, but each kid, each family is special in its own way, so you’ll know what to do and when, and how much for each kid. I think eventually my older dd will need some time to herself, but with friends. As it is right now, dd5 (6 tomorrow!) tags along to everything.
Wow! This is a great thread. My kids are young – 2 and 4 and we don’t do very many planned activities. We go to the occasional playdate and a weekly Kindermusik class, but mostly just to the playground where we meet new people each time. My son’s birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I was a little bummed that he would only have one buddy there, but he’s so young that I think he will enjoy a mellow party with people and family he feels very comfortable around.
Do you think that there is a correlation with how many kids you have and how many activities you do on a regular basis? Maybe larger families feel less of a need to get out because they have so much great interaction with their siblings. I know I have a friend who has an only child and she is very careful to get him around other kids A LOT (she hosts a playdate every week).
To answer you question MountainMamma, I think that there could possibly be a correlation OR it just depends on the particular family’s needs (or an individual child’s needs). I know many on here that have only 2 dc and do way less outside the home than we do. And, they are very happy in that situation.
We only have 3 dc, and I say only because in comparison to 5, 6, 7 kids, 3 is just not that many. And we do a variety of activities daily/weekly, per child. We belong to a large hs group (with large co-op), sports (all 3 of them), music (all 3 of them), church related activities, community classes that we can afford and that fit into the schedule, park days, field trips, etc. One or all 3 of our dc have some place to be each day of the week, even if it’s a drop off class. Now if we didn’t live in town, or if we had more children, I don’t know if that’s how it would be, but if it were up to my dh they would still all be involved in something, regularly, throughout the week. He is more passionate about them being out in the world (daily) than I am. I enjoy what we do and wouldn’t change it, but he’s the one that worries about them not having friends. I guess I must admit that I feel the same way, too, so I guess it’s not just him. My oldest boy is not near the social butterfly as his brothers are (or at least are right now) and is content with his small circle of friends…I used to worry over him because of his lack of friends, but that has all come together and he’s grown so much (currently, he is not peer dependent!). My middle boy enjoys his friends, A LOT, but does have moments when he just wants to be home. I guess it’s all balancing out.
Oh, and to be honest, all 3 of my dc would not want to live in the country, maybe outskirts, but not country. Even my oldest who doesn’t care to be around too many people at one time (the whole thing exhausts him) would not want to live in the county. He would feel so isolated, more than he already does knowing his personality type leans toward that anyway. My other 2 dc like to “visit” the country but don’t want to live there. They love to be outdoors, go camping, nature in general, but like the “noise” of being in town.
I think these choices greatly depend on your lifestyle, personalities, finances, personal goals, past experiences, etc.
Great thread, btw. I love to read about the choices of others!
MountainMamma 0 I know for me it has been true that the more children I have the fewer activites we do. With my oldest we got together regularly with a playgroup that included cousins and a few kids from church. As she reached Kindergarten age and I had several younger ones playgroup became a waste for her – no kids near her age as the other moms put 3 and up in preschool and 5 and up in public school. So we spent several lonely years home centered that turned out to be the best thing ever for us. As more children came along they naturally became best friends (and the pairing are interesting sometimes age wise).
Now we’re expecting # 8 and the others are age 11 down to 1. My 7th has major medical needs that put us at many appointments and with therapists coming in, etc, so we get more than enough running around just with that. We would rather stay home together more often than not!
We have cultivated close family friendships between us and 2 other families that homeschool, that we are greatful for. But we do family activities, not kids going to visit kids without parents and siblings.
Outside activities is something that we haven’t done very much of. Our boys are active at church and have many friends there, but through the week we don’t connect with people a whole lot. Sometimes we get together with friends and neighbors and we all have kids in the same general age, but none of them homeschool. Recently there has been some effort to get a homeschool group going. There are 8 moms who have shown interest and between us we have about 25 school age children.
I think I am personally too much of a homebody and I really need to make a better effort to get the boys involved in probably just one activity per season, anyway. My older ds has played ball hockey the last two summers, as well as Bible Camp. He is taking about football this fall. He will be able to join youth group this fall. Still, I think swimming, music lessons, 4h, something educational or physical would be a very good idea. Our younger ds is fine for social interaction at this time. Still, I’d like to get him into piano or something else for the fall.
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