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HELP (!!!) with year 1 6yo
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My 6 yo DS (he’ll be 7 in July) and I started last autumn with half SCM and half AO. I’ve posted here before about his reading and we resolved that issue (yay!). So here’s our issue: He loves telling stories and sharing ideas, but hates narrating lessons (although I don’t require much – just the minimum that’s suggested). He is meticulous and particular about his lego or k’nex projects, but hates being neat in lessons, and his work is ALWAYS sloppy. He loves drawing vivid and detailed drawings from his own imagination, but hates drawing nature or copying another artist. He’s actually a pretty sweet, obedient child and always impressing people with his knowledge and comprehension. I think he’s an awesome guy most of the time. 🙂 He once spent 15 minutes describing in intricate detail a chapter from “My Side of the Mountain”. But I am beside myself with upset and frustration, because he refuses to engage in official lessons. Since September because of this issue, it has generally been stop-and-go… Failure. Reworking the schedule. Tears. More tears…
On my side, constant interruptions from my DS (2.5) and DD (4) have forced me to concentrate lessons in the nap time. Having two younger kids and trying to implement lessons for the first year is bound to have it’s challenges – but I feel like it’s been such a failure… And that I will have to redo the year. I can’t shake the thought that I misunderstood too much at first and therefore, ruined it for him. I have had a lot of: “Ohhh… So that’s how that works…” moments. I have a lot of insecurity about failing in home education because my mother home schooled me and all of my siblings; the experience was quite plainly, traumatic and neglectful. Then there is the undeniable fact that I have to take days off for my mental health (PTSD), which causes more guilt. I find great solace and nurturing in CM’s texts, the wonderful podcasts available, the websites and all the inspiring pictures on instagram – ha! 🙂 But my son’s unwillingness to participate is a current reality that’s causing a lot of resentment on both sides.
So… HELP! Any advice is appreciated.
Hugs to you mama. Its so hard when you feel you are failing your child, but you are not. Six is still quite young. If it were me I would do less, but do it consistently and require quality. I think in order to form the habit of attention and best effort he has to know you wont accept slip shod work. Maybe even stop for the year until he is a bit more mature. As far as narrations I have similar issues and my kids are much older. They really hate to”narrate”, but if I just discuss things with them without using the word narrate it is better. “Tell me what you remember” tends to bring on stares. I think there is too much in their heads they dont know where to begin. There are lots of creative narration ideas on this blog.
I have a lot of thoughts, but I’ll just start with one: Six is so, so young! I know it can be hard to realize that when this is your oldest child (which it seems from your post he is?) I would not have realized it when my oldest was this age, either. So I’m writing to reassure you that six is very young, and that so much growth and maturity will happen in the next few years that you probably won’t believe it! I wouldn’t have until I saw it for myself, three times now.
It’s also hard to internalize in this culture of “the earlier you start and the harder you push, the better it is,” but with little ones like yours, the relationship is the most important part. Especially if you plan to homeschool long term, it will only benefit you to develop strong bonds now, so that as everyone gets older and the expectations on them naturally increase, they know that you love them, have faith in them and will work with them on their academics and life skills in the way they need to be worked with. If I had understood this more deeply, it would have helped me SO MUCH, even with my teenagers.
If your DS is a sweet and obedient child, most likely he would love to please you but is not able to in his abilities, so he’s reacting with frustration. I have had this experience with my third (and final) child, who is now nine. When she was this age, I started working with her in the way I had worked with her two older sisters (now 25 and 20), and….let’s just say, it did not go well! She wanted to obey, but she was absolutely not ready to do the type of work I was expecting. Pulling back from strict academic work was the best thing I could have done for her. Now, at nine, she is *just starting* to have some neatness in her writing. Not from lack of trying, either, just developmental differences. Most importantly, she has begun to care. I believe that has to do with maturity and gentle consistency, not with anything magical or skilled I’ve done. I’m just working with her at her level, which is so different from her sisters, I would not have believed it if I weren’t living it.
There is nothing magical about writing at age six, narrating, any of it. Because our children are “born persons,” they are individuals, and it’s worth our time to truly see *them* for who they are, lest we get too attached to terminology, practices, or a system.
So, I guess I had more to say than I thought. Nothing I’m saying is meant to sound critical or bossy or lay another mantle of expectation on you. Your own mental health is so, so important, especially given the experiences you’ve described in your own life. Please be gentle with yourself and take care of your own mind and heart! I’m sharing from my own experiences in the hope that something I share might be helpful and encouraging to you. You are wise to post here – these ladies are so helpful and have lots of experience in parenting and homeschooling that we all can learn from.
Take heart!
Thanks for your insights!
Response to narration: I actually asked him if he could explain the what we just learned in geography to his sister – and he did without missing a beat. I notice that a more conversational tone produces response and engagement.
After reading your response, I’ve decided we will cut back on everything: the pressure, expectations and rigor. ALL of his friends are in some sort of school, and guarding our way is harder then I expected. I love the idea of keeping it short, quality-based and consistent. 🙂
Good for you! Who’s to say narration can’t be fun? Ask him to build the “_(something you just read and want him to narrate)___” out of Lego’s or K’nex. He can spend a nice, long time building and thinking and then he will have oodles to tell you about 😉
A couple of other ideas I’m trying are: give him puppets to tell you the story or use his stuffed animals to act it out.
And I think you are absolutely right: a conversational tone is a great way to gauge comprehension and get engagement. Julie Bogart (BraveWriter) calls it “Big Juicy Converstion!”
I have a few thoughts when reading your post: 1. I feel heartbroken for your own experience. I’ve been reading more and more about experiences similar to your and pray I make connections and build relationships with my children so they look back as an adult on these years as good memories. 2. As someone else said, he’s very young. I “just” read something about little boys not having the skills for neat handwriting until much later. My own 6 year old enjoys “writing fast like Daddy.” 3. My 6 year old is my fourth. I’m going to have a “if I could go back….”moment. I had so many problems with my oldest. She’s 11 now and I can look back and see I put so many unreasonable expectations on her. (Why I fear stories like your own and praise God for His mercies and redemption in my failures.) I get a sort of do over now… 😊 I have four children and with the youngest being 6, I feel like I’m out of the trenches. With a 6 year old and two little ones, I would read Bible and do scripture memory at breakfast. (We’ve done this for 9 years now.) Do some after breakfast chores to work on Habits…clean up kitchen, brush teeth, tidy rooms. I promise you…these Habits will be worth their weight in gold later if you train them now. Then go for a little walk or play outside. Do the little ones nap? Save school for then! I also did that for a few years. Do reading, do math, do a short handwriting lesson, and a read aloud. If you’re doing AO, wait a year. It’s typically a year ahead anyways. Or do Outdoor Secrets. It’s my favorite thing to do at that age. Put narration ideas and a jar and let him pull one out. The Lego thing is great. I used that one with my 9 year old who was reading a Landmark Vikings book this year. I read to my kids a lot. People may disagree with me, but I think exposure is the most important thing at his age. Give him some growing space for a year and go outside. And FYI: your first will be your hardest. I talk to very few people who have a different story . So love him, love him, love him. Make sure he knows it.
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