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Help with dd5
- This topic has 33 replies, 16 voices, and was last updated 13 years, 11 months ago by
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Sorry, I just read all the other posts. As far as age goes, I am not contradicting the “just age” portion, just that for my son, whether you want to call it age or development, my son is not able to work on the average level in certain areas, despite high intelligence. I know moms know their children better than anyone else. But in my situation, I did not/could not grasp my son’s difficulties until I understood where he actually was developmentally, taking into account weaknesses from the disorders.
For resources on Sensory Integration Disorder, here are some of the online resources that I have benefited from:
http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-processing-disorder-checklist.html This website has ads all over the page, but the checklists, and “How does it feel” section are my favorite resouces that I have been able to find online.
http://www.ldonline.org/article/5612
I also second “The Out-of-Sync Child” – I have not made it all the way through yet but it is great so far.
For APD, if you look at that aspect, I recommend “When the Brain Can’t Hear” by Teri James Bellis. Or online resouces at:
http://www.nidcd.nih.gov/health/voice/auditory.asp
http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/ears/central_auditory.html
http://www.ldonline.org/article/6390
A lot of information duplicates, but for me, trying to figure all this out, duplication is great! =)
I just finished reading “Child Training Tips” by Reb Bradley. I have read many parenting books and this one is now at the top of my list of favorites. It also has a chapter on ADD and issues like that. My oldest, now almost 13, was a lot like how you described your daughter. This book would have helped us so much if we had read it when she was little. It is a quick read and easy to understand how to apply it all. ~kim
Until we are able to figure out how to go about a “diagnosis”, would it be helpful if I listed my daughter’s behaviors from birth til now? Maybe those of you who are more learned in the SPD/ADD/ADHD/autism disorders could tell me if I’m taking this too far? I know those aren’t all the same thing, but I don’t want to put a label on it until I know what to call it. Does that make sense?
Anyway, would listing her behaviors be helpful for those of you who have traveled down this road ahead of me?
Lindsey,
I have an older son (now 16.5) who had many similar ‘quirks’……as much as I wanted to ‘fix’ them all I found it best to focus on one or two until they were completely out of his repitoire and then move on to phasing out others….it could be that if you are consantly having to correct or point out things, that she may like the attention or she may not even notice because she feels like ‘everything’ she does is given a correction. Make sense? Now if he were doing something completely inappropriate of course I would correct him or if the my other kids start mimicking his behavior that I don’t like I focus on it immediately. I did find many things annoying about him and sometimes diconnected but oncew I embraced him flaws and all (accepting not approving) our relationship blossomed. I was the hang up not him??
I often found that when he was doing something I wasn’t crazy about and I pointed out that I liked the way my other son was doing it he changed quickly because he is so competitve.
I feel your pain but I could not be more proud of my son now. He has turned out to be an AMAZING young man, even still with some quirks. His quirks today are often some of the things that people are drawn to the most.
My son was diagnosed with ADD however you would never know it now…..I would be careful of labels, when I asked our ped about it and we went down the road of ADD labeling did not really make it better and I did not feel better and we knew we would not do meds. Now that he is older and has learned to control, compensate for or overcome many of those behaviors it is still in his med records and he and I both know it will ALWAYS be there and he will always have that ADD diagnosis……to him that is frustrating because he feels he has worked so hard to not be ‘that’ way but it still is in his ‘story’.
Lindsey,
Is there anything that your dd DOES focus on? For instance, can she sit still and focus on music? My dd7 has similar tendencies but I have noticed that taking piano has “connected” some loose brain wires, so to speak. Also, the Swedish drills that CM mentions might be good therapy for acquiring body and brain to exercise together.
I have more to say, but will wait and hear from you.
simple home, she is able to do the Swedish drills. We don’t do those exactly, but something similiar. Fine motor skills seem to be more difficult for her than “stand on your right foot and hold out your arms”. Writing is something she just can’t seem to “get”. She is reading very, very well, but her writing is getting worse and worse. She can’t sit still if there is music playing. She wants to dance to it. I honestly have never seen her sit still for anything. When eating, she kicks her feet against the chair. When reading, she rubs her toes together. When being read to, she is up and down, playing with her shoes or feet, or whatever. One thing she can do for a short time (maybe 5-10 minutes) is plastic canvas needlepoint. Although, when she’s done, she’s done, you know?
Does that answer your question at all?
Yes, that answers it. 🙂 Your dd sounds like my daughter in many ways. My girl daydreams constantly. She is very bright, and only focuses when there is a good reason for it. I have found certain tricks up my sleeve help with these little things. For instance, for math drills, I give her the timer and she times herself. If the timed goal is met, she gets a jellybean. (I do not ordinarily give my kids junk food, so this is a BIG thing to her and I don’t think one jellybean will cause bodily harm. :). My big word for her is diligence. I try to find any way I can to encourage this. With my dd’s writing, she does her best writing if I give a short lesson to follow through with. I show her two sentences. If the first is done nicely, then she gets to stop and not have to do the other sentence. I am not a stickler for her sitting still with most things, but it does drive me crazy at the dinner table. My dd would stand on her head and eat if she was allowed! Table manners is something we are working on, and I do have faith it will improve as she grows and is reminded.
I do recommend piano if you are able. I am blessed to have found a fun teacher and encourages my girl to focus, but in a kid-friendly way. I am amazed how tihis has strengthened her attention.
Must get to bed. HTH!
I meant to mention that my dd likes collecting stickers, so she has a “Diligence” sticker book too. Whenever she has completed her chore pack, she gets to add a new sticker to her album. Recently I included the idea of certain paid chores, one a day in which she gets a quarter. For example on her chore card, I have listed her everyday chores which need to be completed in 25 minutes, then she gets an additional 5 minutes for the extra paid chore…Monday is pick up car trash, Tuesday is sweep back porch and deck, etc. She stays focused to earn the money and save up for little things. And she is learning to stay diligent! I hope anyway…:)
I am careful of labels too. My son has always had dyslexic tendencies and is weak in language, but he is improving every year little by little. I feel the same with my dd, she will improve in God’s timing. Teaching them takes faith on my part, lots of it! I have to remind myself that God will have them know what they need to know in His time. This gives me gratitude and the needed joy to keep going and
enjoying learning together.
Hi Lindsey,
I’m fairly new here and this is my first post as your message struck a few notes with me. I agree with the other ladies that she may very well have sensory issues. Sometimes, I think I’ve been lucky in the sense that I’ve known from the time my DS6 regressed into autism beginning at 12 months that he has different needs. I think it must be very hard to struggle with your child continually when you don’t have a clear idea that something is “off”. It may be a relief to find that there is are ways that her body processes information that is different from the norm (whatever that is these days). My son, at age 6 is mostly “recovered” because of some biomedical treatments and adherence to a strict diet and GI meds for Crohns’ disease. He still has some language issues, motor planning, physical stamina, and sensory issues that we work on.
First of all, I noticed your daughter still does dairy? If you haven’t ever removed it from her diet, I would suggest removing ALL traces of dairy (including whey) for a week to see if it makes any difference behavior wise. The protein in dairy – casein – can be at the heart of many issues – especially if she already has food issues. Casein leaves the body in 3 days, so it doesn’t take long to see a change. (Sorry, if you already know this.)
Second, in regard to writing skills, these are actually improved by concentrating on strengthening gross motor skills. We put my son back in Occupational Therapy in Dec, mostly due to the fact that he Wanted to write so badly and just had too many problems that I couldn’t resolve. The OT has him learning Yoga animals poses (no chanting, just animals) for strengthening, they do lots of upper body work, lots of sensory input and Then move on to the writing. In only 4 months, he has made some astonishing improvements.
Finally, if you’re able, I would recommend seeing an OT for an evaluation and maybe committing to a 6 month program. If possible, I would ask the OT if you can join the sessions so you can watch and learn. My son has come to the point where he knows what he needs sensory wise to feel better. We have a mini trampoline in our house that he bounces on as needed, we also have an exercise ball and have had a balance cushion before. I allow him to get between the couch cushions (something I really don’t like), but this gives him the pressure he needs for his body at times when he’s feeling really bad. His OT does a “brushing” technique for him, also. This calms his body and seems to regulate him.
I don’t like to label my son either. He has come so far and I admit that sometimes I have not pushed him as I should. I have been working on pushing him harder these days, but I also generally work on one or two things at a time as well. Whatever I’m working on is done consistently, however. I do try to keep him sitting up and not fidgeting during devotions in the morning, but as for school work, I let him bounce around and/or wiggle to a certain extent during school work.
The books you’re looking into will give you a lot of insight. I have found sensory issues fascinating, altho I wish I hadn’t learned about them up close and personal!
I really cannot thank you all enough for your encouragement, support, advice, and prayers. Truly, I have felt God’s grace and mercy like a warm blanket ever since I first posted. Hubby and I have begun researching the possibility of our dd having a sensory processing disorder, and we are encouraged by what we’re finding. I did find the checklist one of you mentioned, and we went down it, item by item. We were able to check off many things on that list. The more I try to see dd through the eyes of a possible SPD, the more I recognize that many of my battles with her have been ill-chosen. I am seeing now that many things that annoy me so much really aren’t things she knows how to control.
We are visiting the pediatrician this afternoon to get a referral to an OT. We are going to continue to follow this road and see where it takes us. I am just so relieved to learn that a sensory processing disorder doesn’t have to be a huge, devastating thing; it’s simply how she’s wired, and we can do things to help her. Praise God it’s something we can help!
So, thank you SO MUCH. I do not know what I would do without the help and prayers of this board. You all are like my cyber best friends!
Love and blessings,
Lindsey
Hi, Lindsey:
I just wanted to tell you that I have struggled so much with the thought of taking things diagnostically too far for my son. My son knows of his ADHD but not of the Auditory Processing Disorder or that all these “visits” are testing for SPD and Asperger’s. I just knew when I got the ADHD diagnosis that it wasn’t the whole picture, if you know what I mean? I am still not comfortable with the diagnosis. I know this may sound cynical, but my experience at least with our first psychologist and, of course, the school, was that “they” wanted to get the quick ADHD diagnosis, and did not want to even consider anything else, even though my son has symptoms that ADHD does not explain or that are identical to APD and SPD. Everyone has acted very embarrassed since we got the Auditory Processing Disorder diagnosis and believe we will get a formal diagnosis of SPD shortly. Because of course “it was all just the ADD”. Of course, there is no taking away of the ADHD diagnosis.
My son’s pediatrician is the only one who has even remotely listened to me and even contemplated that what we were dealing with was more than ADHD. ADHD has a magic button pill and the other disorders I was looking at did not. My son’s school actually wanted me to switch pediatricians so that the ADHD diagnosis would not be so hard to obtain! For me, it is so interesting how interconnected all of my sons issues seem to be, all stemming from auditory issues, which I have believed to be the root of my son’s difficulties from the beginning. Speech-Language Pathologists and Occupational Therapists have been very supportive so far. I so wish we had started there, instead of with a psychologist. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you not to let anyone in the medical profession or psychology bully you into just letting it go and putting a blanket ADHD diagnosis on your daughter.
srlord,
That’s so interesting that you would warn me against the pediatrician putting the ADHD blanket over her. That’s exactly what she tried to do!! As soon as I said we did not believe that she had ADHD, the pedi asked, “Have you ever had her tested?” to which I replied, “No.” She then said, “Well, what could it hurt? If anything you could see if meds help her symptoms and behaviors.”
I said, “No thanks, we’ll just take a referral for an OT today.”
I know ADHD and ADD are real, and I truly sympathize with those who deal with that. BUT, I KNOW that’s not the “label” for my dd. She does so many other things that aren’t even typical for a child with ADHD or ADD that those can’t be used to explain her.
I am so glad I know that it is MY job alone to advocate for my child; otherwise, there’s no telling what meds she’d be on!
Did you get a good referral? If worse comes to worse, there is an excellent, world renowned children’s hospital nearby where I live. I have a good friend whose twins needed help with behavior and they went there for help. The doctor who saw them said he prescribes drugs as a LAST resort. It was a very family friendly environment too. I would be happy to refer his name if you ever need it. BTW, my friend’s twins were not diagnosed as ADD as their previous doctor suggested, and they were relieved to know that it was something else.:)
Blessings to you and your family!
I don’t know anything about OTs, so I don’t know if it’s a good referral or not. I’m one of those people that just has to meet the person and see their office and techniques before I can make a judgment on whether they will be a good fit for us. This is another of those instances.
simple home, would you PM me with the name of the children’s hospital? I’m all about drugs being the LAST resort, as we do not do meds at all in our house. The closest thing my kids get to medication is their daily probiotic. ha!
Lindsey,
I haven’t gotten through all the posts yet, but your first post in close to my heart too. Without all the details, the portion where you said your daughter annoys you more than just about anything really resonated with me. I’ve been there!!!
I don’t have much time, we’re on hour way out the door, but something that really has helped me is Carol Barnier’s ministry. She spoke at our Home School Convention 2 years ago- what a relief to hear her struggles! If it gives you even an hint, she’s written a book called “How to Get Your Child Off the Refrigerator, and On to Learning”!
Check out her web-site, and for sure sign up for her newsletter, SizzleBop (she’ll explain where that came from on the site).
Okay, “Linz” (I’m just going there because my name is Lindsey too, (go Ey,btw) and when I get serious with myself, I always hear “Linz” in my mind, not Lindsey…) Listen closely…”be strong, take courage, do not fear or be dismayed, for the Lord will go before you…” even in home school!!
Here are (((hugs))), and please know my heart knows that feeling, but be encouraged! Our (Abba)Daddy can make all things new, even relationships with [seemingly] impossible little girls who we love to pieces, but just can’t take some days.
“Father God, pour your peace over my sister Lindsey. Give her that Holy Spirit love that can’t be explained, but that endures all things. Wrap your arms around her til she feels the squeeze, and allow her baby girl to see her momma’s love for her and do a mighty work in her heart as well. We KNOW that you are able to help in this situation; help Lindsey to “be still, and know” that you are still God, even when something as little as shoes can reduce us to tears. Thank you for Lindsey’s husband who is suppporting her. Give him guidence, and let his baby girl see his love for her momma and her, and help her to respond. In your mighty name, Jesus, Amen!”
Blessings,
Lindsey
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