Can you give me any advice on how to teach my 4-yr old girl not to explode in screaming and getting angry to the point of trying to hit anytime her siblings do something she doesn’t appreciate (even minor things). She gets so easily frustrated and her reaction is always not to have any control at all on her emotions. Talking, disciplining and standing in the corner seem to be of no use. She might have ADD as it runs in the family, still I do not want to take this as an excise for such behavior. Can anybody help me out with that?
We haven’t had this exact problem but I’ve told my kids for some behaviors that if they can’t be good company they don’t get to be with us. For a 4 year old you’d need a safe place to put her when she does this, like her room with a baby gate at the doing so you know she’s okay but she’s apart from you all. Then you all need to ignore the screaming. How old are your other kids? Hopefully you can enlist them to help in staying calm and ignoring. One reason I have approached some issues this way is that hopefully it will also help teach that when you are overwrought you need to take time apart to calm down. It’s about teaching coping skills too, not just discipline. I’d also look for what triggers her and try to intervene as soon as possible. Distract to prevent the behavior. And when she is calm try to talk to her about why we can’t scream and hit and how she can avoid it.
Keep her close to you. As in a few feet away, all day long. Watch her closely. Anticipate the behavior, and stop it before it happens or before she completes it. Discipline as quickly as possible, and then stop her life until you see a change in her attitude. Continue keeping her close to you until she is trustworthy enough to be away. Expect that to be awhile, as in weeks to months before she is trustworthy. Shorter than that before she stops screaming.
I would add to the advice here that you can decide when she is coming out of the room in two ways. Set a timer in a nearby room that she can hear, and tell her that she can come out when it beeps. My son is quiet so he won’t miss the beep. Not all kids do that.
The other way is to nicely tell her that she can come out when she is calm and ready to apologize to those she screamed at or hit. It is important for the other children to feel safe and respected and time away from the one screaming and apologies help.