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having a REALLY hard time homeschooling
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I find myself really needing some help.
I have migraines and fatigue issues. I’m not looking for help for those problems, but they’re causing trouble.
So assuming my health isn’t going to change (it’s been this way a while), I need help with school. I have a soon to be 15 yr old 9th grader, 12 yr old 6th grader and soon to be 11 yr old 5th grader.
I also have a husband who is an airline pilot. His schedule has been nothing but terrible this summer. He is always always gone all week. So I’m here with migraines, fatigue and not much schooling going on. It can’t go on. My kids cannot go on this way. There is a lot of stress in the house because of that.
The house always a mess too, because of bad habits. The kids don’t have much of a chance to learn good habits because it looks like I just don’t do things. They do know why, but that doesn’t change the example they see. Also, when Daddy is here, he is all about cleaning the house to help out. But it’s starting to feel like that’s all he does.
My husband told me he wants to get me somone to clean here for several hours a week. I know most of you are saying, “Yahoo!! Go for it.” But I am mortified at having someone clean up our messes, when my kids are perfectly capable.
We also have to cook all our food from scratch because of food allergies. So I’m drowning. How do I do school amid this crazy life? I know some of you have it even more crazy. My 12 yr old has been telling me it’s illegal to not have school!! She really wants some normalcy.
There are a lot of other stress factors besides food allergies, my health and my husband’s job. Our house is unreasonably tiny for a family our size, the 94 yr old neighbor needs A LOT of help and she calls all the time, we really miss my oldest son who is across country on a 2 year mission for our church. I’m sure I could go on all night.
This year I bought Sonlight so I wouldn’t have to plan, but it’s too much for me. I’m trying to simplify it, but I’m not satisfied. I don’t think there’s a boxed curriculum that I would be happy with. I’ve considered online charter schools, but we don’t like that either. It probably wouldn’t be easier for me anyway.
I was thinking that with my problems, maybe we just need to focus on skills this year. I feel like that’s important, but I feel like that would almost leave out history. History seems like such a big deal.
Maybe I just need a pep talk. The skill focus seems like the answer as I sit here typing. Who cares if my kids get all that Greek history if they can’t write or do math? Two of them struggle with math and two struggle with writing. They can’t remember any of the history we’ve done anyway right now.
Sorry it’s so long and crazy sounding. I just don’t know any homeschool moms to talk to in person. Thanks for the support.
Oh, Art, I am sorry things are so difficult for you right now! You have a lot going on. Would it help to start a process of prioritization, since you have mentioned several issues and it could be overwhelming to anyone when looking at everything that needs to change all at once? As a family, could you come up with several must-haves for chores, so that the house is less chaotic? And for meal prep, can the kids switch off being your helper at least a couple of nights per week? As for school, I had to do something similar several years ago when I had a very demanding baby and toddler, and just focus on the basics. Honestly, it did my kids a world of good! I used Christian Light Education, which is more workbook-style, but it allowed the kids to be more independent. As for history, if you feel that that is difficult for you to fit in, how about some well-chosen DVDs or audio CDS that the kids can watch or listen to while you do other tasks or drive in the car? I hope others will chime in with even more practical suggestions. God bless you!
Anne
You are going to think that I am crazy, but take your husband up on the cleaning first of all. I know that it is hard (trust me, I know) and your kids are capable, I am sure. But they are dealing with all their own emotions right now so getting help would probably be the best thing you could do for all of you right now and it is not forever. Just a few months… Here’s my thinking on this:
1. your stress and guilt levels will lower
2. your husband’s stress levels wil lower
3. your kids stress and guilt will lower
4. you will be able to rest (!) and recuperate as needed, knowing it is not falling down on your head the minute you do
The best part: you and your husband will BOTH be able to function as rational parents…meaning your children will be able to feel “safe and normal” again…moving is so hard, and their brother is gone for a while, they are craving some normal routines and love tanks filled. You will be able to do that if you aren’t overwhelmed about the house and food.
Is there anyone else at church with allergies that would like to earn a few dollars (or do a service project) every month or week preparing food for the freezer for the days that you just can’t manage? Or on a “better” day, maybe you all could work together and create some extra meals for the week. Teach your kids to make it so you can rest.
Once the house is under control and everyone is feeling more rested and reassured, start working on those life skills. You won’t need a housekeeper forever if you are able to show them how to do something when it is not an overwhelmingly huge job. Make a chore chart in FHE. Keep them accountable for them.
So it takes several months…It’s okay.
Have your kids work on their math and reading everyday. Have them write letters to your parents, to your son, a daily journal – work at writing that way. Read the scriptures. Pray.
If your 12year old wants more school, let her read the Ancient Greece books and a few science books on her own. She can tell you about it when you are resting.
BTW, there are tons of good free history, literature, science, and more audiobooks at librivox.org (even Shakespeare!) Watch DVDs from the library or YouTube.
I hope that you feel better soon. I am sorry that life can be so hard! Be assured that you are not ruining your children, even if your 12yo makes you feel like it! Hugs!!
Im so sorry you’re going through this difficult season, and I know somewhat of what you’re going through. I have extremely difficult pregnancies and am on complete bed rest and out of commission for 9 months. My best advice is to keep things simple, and as mortifying as it may be, accept any and all help. Your kids maybe perfectly capable of cleaning, but it sounds like you want to utilize the times you are feeling able to focus on schooling. If you can take cleaning off your plate, that may be a huge burden lifted. I would focus on skills, and if you feel strong, add some extras, or have your 15 year old take over teaching history for you while you rest. I’ll be praying for you-or is there maybe a family in your church or homeschooling community that would be willing to include your children in their history studies? I will pray for rest, peace and wisdom for your family.
((((((hugs))))) Thats a lot for anyone!
Just remind yourself that this is a season. You won’t always feel so bad, and your hubby won’t always be traveling so much. Hopefully the season will be short an you can get back on a better track soon.
I would consider getting the house keeper for at least a short season. I had to do this at one point also, and while I loved having a clean home again, I hated the cost and hated the feeling of “I shoulda been able to…”. I had to let that go. It was only a short season and it took the pressure off my hubby to *do stuff* and it allowed some of the other stressors to ease off as well. It was worth it and I would do it again if things were piling up on me like that again.
For school, I have a few ideas. Some may work for you and some probably won’t but think it iver and see if there might not be some inspiration.
Choose some great historical fiction that you can get on audio, and play that for all the kids during lunch. Have the kids narrate from this reading and BOOM- History is covered!
Take a look at Queen Homeschool Supply Easy Packs, or Learning Language Arts Through Literature for a self contained Charlotte Masonish open and go type curriculum. Is it the best? No. Is it better than whats happening now? Probably! 🙂 For this season, it will be enough. Add a few of the Sonlight books if needed to fill it out. The best thing you can do for your kids is give them the gift of time to marinate in really great literature.
Not sure what you have been doing for math so far, but maybe taking time to have them read through Life of Fred would be helpful for the ones who struggle with Math. Math U See can work for struggling learners, and if the kids watch the videos with you, it doesn’t require much teaching or planning from you. If the problem is that they havent memorized their facts perhaps a program like Calculadders would help? It only take 5 minutes a day and can be fun trying to beat your score from the day before.
You can do this… one day at a time, one minute at a time if need be. 🙂 When you are feeling better you can come to SCM and dig into the wonderful resources and fill in the areas that aren’t as rich as you would like them right now. It will be OK. Really. 🙂
((((hugs))))
I would also encourage you to take your husband up on the suggestion to get a housekeeper for now. I understand your children are old enough to do the cleaning, but for this season perhaps their chores could focus more on the meal preparation instead. Thus, the time they are not spending cleaning the house, they could spend in the kitchen learning to make allergy free meals instead. House cleaning is a wonderful chore, but my thought is with the health and other stresses, concentrating on getting your children eventually independent making meals from scratch will help you out more in the long run. Having a housekeeper for however long or short of time needed to train your children in the meal prep will take one stress off of everybody’s plate. Perhaps after they are comfortable with meals, then add back in standard house cleaning for them. As an aside, the meal prep being so detailed (being allergy free and all from scratch) might be enough hours work to give your high schooler credit in a home ec or health/nutrition/food science elective.
I can’t offer much in way of academic advice since I am still doing the early years. My only thought is to pick a history program for your high schooler that can be done independently. Then assign your 15yo to give a simple history lesson to your younger ones once/week. As mentioned by others use DVDs, online videos, and audiobooks to supplement.
I am sorry your family is going through these difficult times, and I do hope you feel relief from the migraines soon.
Sorry to hear about your problems. I hope you find the answers you seek. I have a curriculum suggestion for you. Try robinsoncurriculum.com. This is a self taught curriculum that focuses on math, writing and reading. I think it makes perfect sense. Read the information on the website, it may be a solution to your problem. I currently use the curriculum and am satisfied with it. The only thing I do is check their writing papers. Everything else is done by the child.
P.S. I’m not sure if you are needing to stick to a strict budget. If not, would it be possible to hire a math tutor for the 2 children that struggle with math?
Hugs. I’ll echo everyone else and say, yes, accept the housekeeper help! As far as schooling goes, you can do several things.
1. Keep the Sonlight and hand the kids the teacher’s guide. They are at an age where they can do much (if not all) of it themselves. Perhaps they will take longer than the schedule says, but they can do it. It might take 3 days to read the history material instead of one, but as long as they are making steady progress that’s okay.
2. Return the Sonlight (they have a pretty generous return policy) and use the money to buy some materials that are more self-teaching oriented. Workbooks and schedules have a time and a place.
3. Just focus on reading (good quality living books), writing (Cover Story, Beyond the Book Report, and a few others that students can do completely solo), and math (perhaps Teaching Textbooks or MUS). Whether that’s you teaching or them learning to be more independent, just the basics.
4. Make weekly assignments from whatever curriculum you do decide on and have them work independently , following up each day to make sure they are completing the tasks.
A lot can be learned through movies, games, and audiobooks. My husband always tells me, ‘just keep moving forward’. It doesn’t matter how slow, just move forward.
I’ll be praying for you.
I am sorry for your dificult time. I share in some of the same difficulties and I had the same thoughts as the others. I was also thinking short-term on the house cleaning service to get you caught up and give you time to find a system to work for you and start implementing it.
I suggest Large Family Logistics for some ideas on getting some good systems in place. That is what I am going through right now and I can see it is a long process to get everything in place and family members trained (mostly myself). “Large Family”almost made me pass by this book but it is helpful to anyone with more than one child, imo. I think you should start with a list of priorities to work from. I started with menu planning because so many times I had no idea what was for supper and put something together at the last minute that was nt as healthy ss I would like, besides the unnecessary stress of putting it off to the last minute. Have one child assigned to be kitchen helper, taking turns.
By planning out systems for us a little at a time I can focus and be more successful. Even though I want these systems in place asap, realistically I see it taking 6 months to a year. Slow and steady wins the race. I made small goals for housecleaning like having all dishes washed before bed. The kids put them away in the morning. Every morning, afternoon, & evening that we are home, I start a load of laundry in the washer. The kids help fold and put away their clothes and towels/wash clothes. I am starting to realize how important it is to have good systems in place when running a household. I work on smaller goals until they become habit before adding a new cleaning routine. I am striving to be in a much better shape by next year if I keep working at it little by little doing one thing at a time. I hope you find a system that works for you soon.
For school I think skills are very important. You could just do 4 Rs for now. I have been reading lately on http://www.urthemom.com and she stresses the importance of good character training and good habits, which is also what Charlotte Mason stressed as important, and childeen srudying on their own with self-teaching. Is there any way to get your children more independent in their studies? They could just read and narrate the Sonlight books at their own pace without using the guide. I think using history dvds and cds is a great idea too. Drive Through History has many episodes on ancient history and is free to watch at iTBN. Some of them are on Netflix too. There are many historical documentaries on Netflix.
I am glad to see your commitment to homeschooling your children. You have taken the first step by seeking help. Prioritize now and write out a plan. Pray about it. Share it with your family so they know the expectations and keep everyone accountable.
I’m not sure why but tears came to my eyes as I read your original post. I don’t have advice to offer, but please know that I whispered a prayer for you, your family, and your dear wonderful children!
Please accept the housekeeper your dh is offering…I’m sure it is out of love. Please head the advice you have received to give your dc independent work as they request it, coupled with life skills to ease your load.
I don’t have any advice that has not already been suggested, but I honestly think you need to start somewhere and the housekeeper portion (along with meals) should be priority. Once some things are in place your dc will have an easier time keeping up (with a few rules of conduct, they’ll be fine). Then they can incorporate some academics.
We are praying. If we lived closer to you, we’d come over and help a bit.
I’m so sorry you’re struggling. Just prayed for you and your family, what a rough situation. I’d hate having someone come in to clean, too….but I think I most definitely would in your situation. Health issues are a big deal and totally understandable to need help! Then you can enjoy hubby when he’s home and focus on more important things. Sometime when he’s home to help w/things I’d make out a school checklist for each kid to complete. They’re old enough to do most on their own. I agree about focusing on skills. Then maybe for history you can just give a few books off of the SCM modules and tell them to read and give you a narration. Or watch some videos for a season. After they’re in a good routine with this, maybe add household chores to their daily checklist. I’d also enlist dad’s help to give the kids a pep talk and hold kids accountable. Blessings as you go through this rough period, and I pray things improve and you find peace very soon! Blessings, Gina
Thanks everyone. I really appreciate you all helping me see that my family has been struggling inside themselves individually while we struggle as a group. I am considering the house cleaning help. It is extremely hard for me. I don’t feel comfortable getting cleaning help with the things I really need it for: the clutter. I can get someone to scrub my kitchen and bathrooms, but I really don’t care about the kitchen or bathroom so much that it would relieve me much. Maybe I should try it though.
I didn’t want to make it sound like my kids aren’t helpful. In our house, if you don’t learn to cook, you might go hungry. So they all get their own breakfast every day and usually their lunch too. They all help me cook dinner most of the time. Without much or any help they can make almost everything we eat except I don’t like them messing too much in raw meat. But everything from bread to sauteed vegetables, to homemade tortillas and layered mexican dip.
So they are very self sufficient with food, but I feel like they are getting lazy with the cleaning. That is one reason I hesitate to get help with that. I don’t want them to get the idea that we let someone else do it for us–they already seem to be starting down that road.
And thanks for the suggestions for school. My husband and I will have to go over some of them together. He’s good at seeing what truly needs to be done and what can be let go for now. I’m just not good at the letting go part.
Thanks for the prayers too!
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