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Hard Pregnancies?
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Have any of you ever thought that pregnancy is so tough that it made you consider not having any more children? I am a month from my due date and still suffering from morning sickness although the worst of it this time and the last pregnancy was the first 20 weeks. The sickness during the first half for me is vomitting frequently, all day long. And then there’s just normal 8 month pregnant stuff that makes it harder to do normal things (because I feel big as a barn – haha). I found this pregnancy harder because my DS has had to pay a price and having him to take care of while pregnant is also a challenge while last time I could rest when I needed to. Anyway, enough rambling. Just wondering if anyone has thought about cutting family size for this reason. If you have hard pregnancies but keep getting pregnant how do you mentally get through it? Isn’t it dangerous to have that much vomitting with no meds to stop it? I’m concerned about being pregnant in Africa. That’s not a place you’d really want to be dangerously sick. Thanks for bearing with my random wonderings. 🙂 I’d love to hear from you. 🙂
Dana
Yep! Mine were high risk pregnancies too. I’ll try to post more later. Try to sit down and put your feet up when you can. Sometimes it even if I wasn’t directly involved as long as I was there with my son while he played in sand (etc.) he was just as happy. He loved playing with a bucket of water outside floating and dunking things. (Obviously I had to be right there with the water). Hang in there Dana! The last weeks are the hardest in any pregnancy!
My one and only pregnancy was extremely tough and short – I was sick throughout on bedrest for 8 weeks and then gave birth in an emergency c section at 27 weeks to our twin girls due to a placenta previa – I was told that further pregnancies would likely kill me or the baby, and it was strongly recommended that we had no more, as I also was very ill after the procedure. We made the choice to not have any more – we had twin girls that we felt needed both a mom and a dad and my husband did not want to risk my life to have another child, only to find that the child could died as well. Would we have liked more children, perhaps, but we are blessed with our daughters and the risks were too great to try again. Many perhaps would not agree but that was our decision based on medical advice, prayer and our own discussions on what would be best for our daughters. I am thinking of you and praying for you Dana. Hugs, Linda
Hi Dana,
I don’t have much time here, but will say that during my second pregnancy I was sick for almost the whole nine months. That was the only pregnancy like that. I am now expecting our ninth, no sickness at all this time. I do have some other issues however, but nothing life threatening. The Lord always gives the strength needed for each day.
All of my pregnancies were difficult and, yes, we made the decision to not have anymore after the 3rd. We made that decision based on many factors but one was definitely the challenges it brought to my body. Sometimes I think I would’ve liked just one more, but honestly, I don’t think I could have survived (I know I would have) or my marriage. After our 3rd I would’ve rather had someone drop off a baby on the doorstep than to pregnant again.
I feel for you, but I also know that it is just a short time in our lives (even though it doesn’t feel that way at the time) that will soon be over. Before you know it this one will be 2, 3, 4 or 5.
If, and that’s a major IF, my pregnancies were smoother (or if I had only been violently sick during 1) we may have gladly had one more. But that was just not the case for me/us. I believe some women are just wired differently, maybe their marriages are more intact (maybe that says something about mine, yikes!), maybe, maybe, maybe…but that just wasn’t us. I feel blessed to have the ones I have thinking at one point we wouldn’t be able to have any.
Take care.
Every pregnancy is different, or so I’ve learned as I’m about halfway through my 10th. Not all have a happy ending, I’ve lost 3 babies along the way, so now I am grateful for every moment of feeling sick or tired or miserable – I literally pray and thank God every time I feel that way.
Do I think God expects everyone to have lots of children? No.
I think He expects us to trust Him and seek Him in prayer over decisions related to pregnancy and whether or not to prevent conception. For us the answer has been to leave it all up to God, but that is just us.
((HUGS)) and the last weeks are the hardest – now is not a time to make permanent decisions regarding family size!
I’ve had some very difficult pregnancies, and although DH and I would love another baby, I have some hesitation due to the complications I’ve had in the past.
That said, some of the best words of wisdom someone gave me during my fourth pregnancy (when I said “I can’t possibly do this another time”) was “take them one at a time”. As I was trying to get through that pregnancy, I was allowing the worries about future pregnancies affect me.
Prayers for you as you join your will with God’s will for your family.
I had a really tough time with my third baby (fourth pregnancy) and was sick the entire time, until a few weeks AFTER birth, actually, and hospitalized several times. It was utterly miserable. I had some fear after that one for a couple of years, although we didn’t actually DO anything to prevent conception other than the very imperfect timing, mostly because I can’t take birth control medications for medical reasons. I did not feel very welcoming to the idea of a new baby for a little while, and I’ve always regretted I felt that way. Some little part of me has wondered if those fearful months might have something to do with the fact that we never HAVE been gifted with another blessing. This is such a personal, personal thing, how we feel, isn’t it? I don’t know if I’ve ever admitted feeling like that in public before. I agree–the months when it is most difficult are NOT the times to make any permanent decisions. You may feel a little chary for a while, but later, you may decide it would have been worth the risk. Let yourself feel the way you feel now–it is hard, isn’t it? I remember! Maybe you do need a little recuperation time afterwards, and maybe you’ll feel differently in a year or two, or maybe not.
On a related thing–had you tried the antinausea wrist bands? These did help me a little bit, moving me from constant vomiting to constant nausea with sometime vomiting, which did seem an improvement. Be sure and have your teeth checked after it is all done–I had some enamel erosion. And my baby did have a few difficulties that I always wondered might have been due to the severely limited nutrition I was able to give him. It was a crazy pregnancy–I LOST seventeen pounds, and he weighed eight. I was totally emaciated when he was born, I looked like a concentration camp survivor! LOL At least I didn’t have any baby weight to lose.
It’s funny–I had all kinds of trouble with baby #2 also, but it was mostly related to my gallbladder going haywire, and I ended up having to have surgery for that when he was a few months old. But at least I felt like THAT couldn’t happen again, so wasn’t hesitant to try that time.
I was extremely sick with all four of my pregnancies; vomiting for several days in a row before being able to keep something down. It went on for six months with each one. I used antinausea wrist bands and swimming to fight it. I was told and did this; when I found something that I could eat and keep down just stick with it, even if it was chocolate shakes from MacDonalds. (yuck) My last one about all I could drink was root beer for four or five months. As I got older, it got harder and harder for my body also, with other issues then just the vomiting. We decided after the fourth we wouldn’t have any more. I now work at a hospital and when I have to go clean a room in OB and hear the babies crying it makes me want to have another. But I have to be contented with the four wonderful ones I have!
It is a hard choice to make and there are many different reasons why we make the choices we do. God be with you and with all who have to make that decision.
No, no. You’re all right. This is not the time to make a permanent decision. And I should learn not to make decisions based on fear anyway (being pregnant in Africa).
This really came up for me tonight when my DS3 prayed to God for “more babies” (yes, plural) to come after this one “pops out”. Sweet really. 🙂
I’m 37 years old so a large family isn’t in my future. Gah. Famous last words. Who knows what the Lord has in store for us! But realistically, I probably won’t be able to get pregnant that many more times. My DH and I haven’t exactly been the most fertile couple on the block. It took 2.5 years to conceive each time so just doing the math…
So, yeah, I’d love to have more and I won’t go on the pill anyway. I just think my DH should pitch in and take at least the next pregnancy. 😉
On a more serious note I don’t handle morning sickness very well. I always think I’m just going to die. I don’t know what my mental hangup there is. I also have a very hard time with things “slowing me down”. I hate having to “take it more slowly” or “take it easy”. I hate feeling like I’m not “pulling my weight”, so to speak. My DH has taken over much of the cooking and cleaning. He tells me to rest more. (I’m still in language school here in France and taking care of my DS.) I’m grateful for sure! I just feel like I shouldn’t be sitting while he’s working so hard for us. I’m sure this would be a good topic for a therapist. Haha. 🙂
Thanks for letting me ramble again! I really need to just take it a day at a time and let the future unfold without me worrying over it. 🙂
Dana
I know you have had many wonderful responses and have responded back, but thought I’d add my 2 cents too.
Every pregnancy is different.
My first was wonderful. I had no morning sickness at all, lost a bit of weight for most of the months and only gained about 8 in total by the end.
My second was ok – a little morning sickness but not much. My only real problems were not pregnancy related – a cough that lasted months, and hand dermititis.
My third was also ok – a touch more morning sickness but still not bad. Then a HORRIBLE Pregnancy Rash. Yes – Pregnancy can give you a rash… and it is itchy and horrible. All over my belly and upper legs, for the last 8 weeks or so of pregnancy, and about a week after.
My fourth was horrible. Before my 3rd month I had symptoms similar to a 9 month pregnancy. I had the pregnancy rash again (even though you supposedly only ever get it with 1 pregnancy… yeah right. My legs and feet were swollen so bad that the OB was really really worried. I didn’t have high blood pressure – so it wasn’t caused by that. He would have put me on bed rest but he knew I had 3 little ones and no real help so I had to stay off my feet with my feet up as much as possible (but conversly had to walk around some too to help circulation.) I twice got infections in my legs so bad that I had to go daily for IV treatments and dressing changes. I needed to wear tension stockings. And then around the 5th month that all subsided for a while…. although the legs swelled up again in the 7th or 8th month again. On top of all this, I had periods that I could only walk with a cane. I am so thankful that places like Wal-mart have power-carts. (And my then 6yo son learned how to push a cart in a store when we had to buy things that wouldn’t fit in the power-cart.) Oh, and then she was LATE (I think about 2 weeks if I remember right) – and so there was daily trips to check for fetal stress etc.
And I still haven’t decided. My husband figures he is done (he was married before with kids – he now has 7 kids total and 2 grand-kids.) I am worried that if we have another, it will be worse. (each of my pregnancies have been a bit worse.) During all this, I was definitely leaning towards being “done”.
btw – I had my first at age 35….. and have 4 now….
Such wonderfully understanding and wise words! I don’t think I can really add much to the responses you’ve already had – there’s nothing like holding a sweet, delicate newborn baby, it is truly a miracle. I remember kissing my newborn son over and over again and telling him “You are so worth it!” (this last pregnancy was the hardest of the three). I think he may be starting to teethe now, but of course he’s still so worth it!
I have had four very VERY difficult pregnancies- horrible nausea, infections, orange sized ovarian cyst, you name it. We are trying to be open to allowing God to bless us with another – I am 41 yrs old. One solution that I have not heard mentioned is that you could hire a mother’s helper during this time…..I don’t know how feasible that is in Africa?
There are several teens/college age girls in or church who give many hours of volunteer time in helping out moms in need – it is truly a blessing and has enabled my husband and I to say, Okay, Maybe just one more.
Hang in there – I know what it feels like – it won’t last forever – there is an end in site. We will pray for you. You’ll never regret it!
Warmest wishes,
Alicia
I am in my 5th pg and have had hyperemesis gravedium with each one. I have taken meds with each one and required home health care with 3. It is not clear from your post if that is how sick you are, but there is a website called the her foundation that can give advice on dealing with it. I wouldn’t decide now on future children unless dh is saying such. Wait a time and pray. I am not sure, but I recommend that website because maybe others have been there and found ways to deal with it in Africa. I think the dangerous thing with vomiting so much is if you are vomiting up blood or becoming dehydrated. There are key tone sticks you can buy in the pharmacy not expensive. They will tell if you are losing key tones. (( hugs)) i can relate. I don’t really enjoy pregnancy much, but always look forward to the prize at the end. Having older children and younger children is such a wonderful blessing as well. Also, for me my toughest transition so far was 1 to 2 because they were both so little.
My pregnancies actually were fine–fairly easy as those things go, BUT we’ve chosen to stop due to other health issues I have that have gotten worse after the last 2 babies. Like Missingtheshire said, I want to BE a mom to my kids and I am not comfortable with the idea of risking my health, and maybe eventually my life, or at the very least quality of life that may prevent that. It’s not quite the same circumstances, but I completely understand the reasoning behind the decision.
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