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Habit Training – natural consequences
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I am having such a hard time figuring out natural consequences for not obeying….for example I have a 2 year old son {25 months} and he does not come everytime. What would the natural consequence be for a 2 year old that does not come right away? I dont want to spank him because when I do that he thinks its ok to hit at that age. And spanking when he isnt called is not a natural consequence. IDEAS???
I was going to suggest Raising Godly Tomatoes, that’s what we use, and we have a very obedient 2yo (well, for a 2yo LOL). But we swat for some instances of disobedience. The whole book is on her website, if you’re interested: http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/ Our son is 28 mths.
BTW, he just started hitting, but we’ve been swatting for much longer than that. I think it’s more the age than having anything to do with swatting. My 3 older girls all started hitting at this age, as well, and I’ve talked to other moms of similar aged toddlers who say the same thing, whether or not they spank/swat. That, and throwing toys and full sippy cups at people… <sigh>
Ditto what Sara B. said.
RGT is my favorite child rearing book along with Trumball’s Hints on Child Training. I have 4 kids – dd10, ds7, dd4, ds almost 2. These two resources have been a tremendous help with our kids. The almost 2 year old is becoming more and more obedient with tomato staking though he is more trying that the oldest two were.
Sorry, I’m no help for “natural” consequences for this. At our house, failing to come when called is disobedience, even for the twoyear olds, and is simply treated as such. There are many ways to handle issues like this and I’m sure you’ll get other answers here as well.
Blessings,
Christie
I think “natural” is to go get him and take away whatever he was interested in (toy, etc.) and make him come over to where you are and remind him that next time he needs to come right away. When he is older, you can teach him Ephesians 6:1-3 so he will know why he should obey you. I recommend Tedd Tripp’s books. He goes beyond behavior to the heart of the issue.
When my kids were younger, maybe 3 years old, I set the physical boundaries at the park. When dd crossed the boundary, we left the park. She cried the whole way home, but she never went beyond the park boundary again!
For natural consequences I like Kevin Lehman. I like “Have a New Kid by Friday” the best followed by “Making Your Children Mind Without Losing Yours”. Good for you starting this early. We let things go way too long and had/have a lot of “clean up” to do. Bon courage!
Dana
Oh and I love Sarah’s park consequence. That’ll make an impression! I’ve found consistency and follow-through (and more actions, less words) to be keys. Blessings to you!
Dana
I’d like to second the recommendation for Tedd Tripp – my aunt gave me his book “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” this summer and I wish I had had this book in the beginning. He does advocate spanking, but couples it with a very strong emphasis on communication…which I think helps with the whole issue of not equating spanking with hitting. I especially appreciated what he had to say about communication and trying to understand the needs of the child’s heart, not just correcting the surface behavior.
Another book I have although I have not read it yet is Effective Parenting in a Defective World by Chip Ingram. We heard Chip speak at a conference earlier this year and I found his perspective helpful also. I am presuming that his book just goes into more detail on the topics that he discussed at the conference we attended.
HTH,
Jen
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