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Habit Training for Mom
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I feel a great need for more discipline in my life. This shows up in many ways, for example in my post this morning about wanting to reduce computer time, but there are many ways I’m tackling it right now.
I’m not a ‘schedule’ person. Sometimes I think that may be just the way a person is wired, but I feel a need to push against that ‘wiring’ and see if it might not just be some lack of fortitude or laziness or just poor habits/skills. My sons (7yo) have their (first!) standardized test in a few weeks and after that I’m starting to imagine a summer long focus on Doing What We Intend To Do. A few times a year I spend time envisioning a perfect schedule full of learning time and family work (what I call housework we all do together), outside time, free time, social time… I make it as perfect and Realistic as I possibly can, knowing what our days really look like and not trying to copy someone else’s version of A Perfect Day…but also with the constraint that I cannot make the day longer than 24 hours (which is what I really want). I plan plenty of time in between because I know I’m a horrible judge of how long things take and I want to feel free in my day, not tied to a clock and schedule. I want to be able to deviate from my planned schedule whenever something better comes up…and yet I feel I need to be able to follow the schedule in the first place in order to deviate! I don’t think I’ve EVER followed my own vision for a full day. Maybe I get about 50% right for a few weeks, and then I spend a week doing nothing at all on my schedule because I’m disorganized about something…homeschooling, housework, need to plan a vacation or research something the boys want to learn about, company is coming and I need to cook and clean…it’s always something.
A couple of months ago I wrote out all the ‘subjects’ I would like to touch on at this time in homeschooling and then put them in more-or-less order of importance according to me. In first place is Family Work (chores) and yet somehow we’ve gotten out of the routine of doing Family Work at all. In January, when we started with learning to read, they wanted to do that before Family Work and that seemed good to me since it was my top academic priority and they were so eager to do it. We’ve done a commendable job of regularly working on learning to read and that’s where the routine stops. We’re not doing anything else regularly.
So, I’ve started a vision for what to do over the next few months to hopefully have us in a great, steady routine in time for the fall. We’ll be schooling over the summer and I can’t even say ‘at a more relaxed pace’ because we’re already at the relaxed pace! I know what I want and yet I’m not sure how to get there. I’ve wanted this before and tried to work on it but so far I haven’t learned how to actually follow my own desired routines.
I would LOVE any tips for incorporating a steady routine into one’s life. I’ve thought about taking the first two weeks after the test to simply spring clean. I would love to spend 4 hours a morning cleaning, organizing, de-cluttering, repairing, landscaping, etc. I know the boys are too out of habit to participate that long but if they helped for 60-90 min of focused work (even 15 min at a time) each morning and then played outside the rest, I think I would feel a lot better about that aspect. I really have a hard time feeling at peace in an untidy house.
Then I want to re-incorporate learning routines into our day. We’re good at having them learn to read (20- 30 min each boy) and me reading to them (history, math, nature, science, character study, classics, general interests books) for 60-90 min each morning. We’re horrible about anything at the table/short lessons (geography worksheets, math lessons, Writing with Ease) our own projects (making soap, making gardens), science experiments, etc.
How do I get to where I want to be? I would LOVE for the boys and myself to be able to say ‘Today is Wednesday, therefore we’ll X, Y and Z.’ I think I will feel much more present if I know we have time to ‘do it all’ at some point so my mind isn’t distracted thinking about all we haven’t gotten to do/want to do/need to do. I feel I have already gone through my priorities carefully and eliminated, at least in theory, anything that is not the best of the best, I just don’t have a format (daily/weekly schedule) in which to actually DO the best of the best right now. Does that make sense?
I’ve read about folks who school year round and plan for say, five weeks of schooling, one week off. I’ve wondered if something like that would benefit ME and yet I worry that for my sons, it makes learning look like work instead of just life. I feel so sad at how much my older children who go to public school love any time they have off or watch a movie at school, have a substitute…anything so they don’t have to learn. I want my homeschooled children to really want to learn and explore and not see it as something to rush through to get to what they’d rather do.
Uh oh, I’m rambling. I think I’ll send this now and cross my fingers some of you will read it and know of some suggestions to offer me. I will add that I’ve read about CM including her own books for years and I venture to the forum on and off, but I always get scared off because I have this vision of most of CM’s followers having a daily schedule planned out to the 15 minute increment for the whole year and what pages of each book you’ll read for each 15 minutes. I know that’s a silly stereotype but maybe I’m personally ready to edge a little close to actually using a schedule and I imagine I have a lot to learn from some of you!
Thanks!
shannon
The best way I’ve found for my family when we’re changing our schedule/routine is to tackle just the morning portion for a week or two. Then start adding afternoon plans for a while. Then evening routines. When I try to overhaul everything at once it never lasts. Too many changes at once!
Summer is my favorite time for things like this. We do a chore boot camp each June where my children get trained on new responsibilities. In our house they become the sole master of those responsibilities for an entire year. Since last June my 11yo has been doing all floors (sweep/vacuum). Her 8yo brother has been the only one cleaning the downstairs bathroom. 7yo sister has upstairs bathroom except tub. And so on. Which reminds me I need to start thinking about what each person will be getting this June and if any of the current responsibilities will shift to a younger sibling. Hmmm….
Anyway, after our chore boot camp is a good time to work on new routines for mornings and evenings. Then come July/August we usually start tweaking the learning routines. Things will be a bit out of whack this summer with baby #8 due in July, we won’t start new learning routines until late August or early Sept. But such is life!
Wow. Shannon, obviously we are twins who were separated at birth!
Thank you so much for asking this question. I am off and running right now but am looking forward SO much to the smart, helpful replies and dialogue on this subject and your other (amazingly timely) post as well.
My only thought as to what might help me in this area is to go cold turkey off the computer. I’ve often been tempted to have Dh take it to work with him some mornings. We’ll see if that happens.
Blessings, sister! 🙂
Jenni
Shannon, I read your post and identify very well with it! I have found a few things that work for us, but I have a long way to go!
–For schooling year round, I’ve decided to just do school “every” day. We save our off days for appointments, vacations, sick days, etc. I’ve begun to look at school as a continuous edeavor and not a Mon-Fri. routine. I think this is the only way we’ll be able to fit it all in since we seem to have so many interruptions!
–I try to get our housework and laundry caught up over the weekends (although we work on this during the week as well). I also try to get some chores done in the mornings and am working on getting the DC more involved with this.
–For daily schedules, I have written down which subjects should be done each day. We have a bare minimum that must be done each day (math, phonics, Bible, and history). If we have a busy day, I may cut back to the bare minimum and add to it only if there is time. I try to schedule things like art and handicrafts on days where we’ll be home most of the day. I do not schedule down to the hour, but instead have a daily “routine”.
–For habits, just like the DC, I have a habit I’m currently working on. I’ve worked on getting dishes done before bed, doing a load of laundry each day, monitoring my computer time, etc. I try to think of one small thing that will make a big impact. For instance if I have a clean kitchen, it’s easier to get my family a homemade breakfast and our day is off to a better start. If I get a load of laundry done each day, there is less to do on the weekends. I work on the habit for a few weeks and then add another habit.
–For scheduling our year, I’ve quit making lesson plans. I’ve been using this system and I think it’s brilliant for a dis-organized, shedule-phobic mom! http://www.amongstlovelythings.com/2011/10/color-coded-progress-lists.html
I’ll also be watching this thread for more ideas.
I’m a great schedule maker! Unfortunately, I’m not as great a schedule follower! I’ve learned to do better as I try to juggle running a home daycare (3 extra kids on top of my own 3), homeschooling, and home management. If I don’t follow my routines, I crash. We don’t always stay on track, but when we know what we should be doing at any given time, we can always jump back in and start again. Eventually the pieces fall back into play. I HAVE to maintain certain standards so I’m ready when my dayhome agency consultant shows up unannounced once a month. Without my routines, I’d have problems!
One thing that helps me is to plan our routines around eating times. We have routines for before meals (such as getting dressed in the morning before breakfast, or cleaning up the playroom before lunch and supper) and routines for after meals (cleaning up the meals, plus each person does one ‘weekly job’, which are things like laundry, vacuuming, etc.) I have all these written out on cards. As each person finishes a routine card, they gain 20 minutes of screen time (to a maximum of 60 minutes per day for the children).
I also plan all our other activities around meals as well. After breakfast routine the children get free time while I do some of my work (housekeeping, planning, etc.) Then before lunch we do things like our Fitness program, science projects, art projects. After lunch we do school (while our toddler friends nap). After snack, we go outside. After supper the kids play with Daddy while I get some more things done, then bedtime routine starts.
For me, the key time period is the bedtime routine. Anytime we get ‘off’ our game, I start there. Bedtime routine for the kids has never changed since DD7 was a baby. My sister mocks me for being so ‘particular’ about my kids’ bedtime, but it means everyone gets the sleep they need so we are happy tomorrow! After the kids are in bed, I HAVE to make sure the kitchen is clean, or life is miserable the next day. If I were starting developing routines from scratch, I’d start there. This is something I learned from Flylady (although I don’t follow her exactly.)
Once you have that in place, morning routine is the next most important. If everything is done (everyone dressed, kitchen clean again, rooms tidied) then you can tackle whatever comes.
Then, add more routines as you need and are able. You can start with a ‘master plan’, which is your dream of how the whole picture should look eventually, but only focus on implementing one step at a time. Once one routine is established, you can move on to the next one.
And of course, remember that the master plan will have to adapt as life changes things (new babies, new grade levels, new levels of independence in doing household work, new out-of-the-house committments, etc.) Just form and practice a new routine.
As to your computer time question, I’m working on this one myself. I think the key for me is to make sure I do the necessary things (planning, paying bills, etc.) as soon as I sit down. I have a tendency to think “I’ll just quick check the forum first” and then I run out of time or energy before I actually pull myself away to do the important things. Perhaps you could have a list of priorities that need to be done first. Tape a page to your monitor so it’s the first thing you see, to remind yourself.
We are all a work in progress. Just take small steps toward where you want to be.
Joanne
@ Shannon and Jenni, make that TRIPLETS separated at birth! LOL! This is me exactly! 🙂 My personality cringes at schedules..we do do the same things daily in order though! I do not like to “plan” every little thing out! I love to plan on what we are doing and love to keep planning! LOL..if you know what I mean! I have a big overall plan and then I just plan as I go!
Same with spontaneous trips..love it! This also bleeds into meal planning! Hate it! Love to cook, hate to plan! I sometimes don’t know what I am making until 2 hrs beforehand! Why? Because I love to decide what food mood I am in 🙂
It is a personality thing! If you know anything about personalities I am a Sanguine. I like to have fun! And if I am not having fun..then proceed to the next thing! LOL!
I am just confessing w/ you! And would like to see ideas…yet, I will read them, slobber over them, be jealous (not a good thing), and then go back to my old ways! Sigh! Maybe there is hope for me yet!!
Great question!
I haven’t had time to read all the posts, so forgive me if I repeat! These are the basics that have helped me with my habits/routines (and keep in mind that I am a ‘naturally’ routine driven person):
1. Daily chores come first. After you do a major cleaning or get your house fairly organized, it only takes about an hour a day to maintain a clean house. Just like you HAVE TO take breaks from school work to eat, you HAVE TO have a somewhat organized environment to concentrate and do your best work in the home. I consider this a part of my children’s education, since they are developing the habit of orderliness by helping to keep the house neat. In the morning, we do dishes, sweep, windex, dust, get a load of laundry going, make beds, and put away clean clothes. Then, school starts. They also have some picking up to do (at set times) and weekly chores (mopping, room cleaning, bathroom cleaning, laundry, etc…).
2. Have a ‘start’ time for your school. Sometimes we need to learn to get things done by deadline. Let’s face it: that is the way the world works. Around here, school starts at 9:00. No exceptions.
3. We school year round, but one day each week is our flex-day. Usually on Fridays, we take off for the park, nature study, do our more ‘optional’ school activities, have a play date, go to the dentist, etc…
Schooling year round enables you to take off for sickness or vacation or spring cleaning without stress. And you can ‘park it’ on a topic if you feel like it, or help a child over a rough spot without worrying that you are blowing your whole schedule. And, again, you are training your children that work and learning is a year-round, natural part of life. Do you get to take the summer off? Didn’t think so!
5. We start with Hymn, Bible Study, memory work. Then the kids go to individual lessons in math, language arts, etc…we get all the tough stuff out of the way in the morning. That is when they are fresh mentally, and it gives mom a break if the afternoon comes with other tasks to be done. Develop the habit of reading in your kids and SET ASIDE reading time every day – for everyone! I cannot tell you how powerful this has been in our family and my kids’ education. They choose to educate themselves b/c they love to read!!
4. Set aside time to rest. For us, that means one hour per day and one day per week. We are busy, but God designed us to need reflection and rest. Don’t neglect to train yourself and your children in the art of quiet and peace.
5. You are no different than your children: habit training lays down new ‘tracks’ of behavior in your mind. It takes time and effort to overcoming old habits and replace them with new ones. After a couple of months, however, your mind will begin to help you with your habits. What we do habitually, we do well. It always takes more effort to perform a task that is not habitual. So, even if – for example – working out is difficult at first, after a month or two of working out at 6pm every day, your brain and body will begin to feel like working out. It won’t be as difficult a task as it is in the beginning. It’s a habit!
Hope this helps and don’t despair! Do as Charlotte recommends and begin with one habit at a time. It will be difficult at first, but gradually less so, and one day you and your kids will be doing these things with very little effort at all!
Shannon, I could have written much of your post myself. If you have the Laying Down the Rails book, look at the section on regularity on page 41-42.
http://simplycharlottemason.com/store/laying-down-the-rails-bundle/
That helped us. I sat down with my children and read through parts of this and we talked about a regular routine for our family. I included them in the process so they would feel more a part of it and be more motivated and to help keep me accountable. We made a general schedule and posted it on the refrigerator, knowing that our priorities are 1st to establish a regular schedule for bedtime and 2nd to get on a regular feeding schedule. The day’s activities can then be scheduled around those. Children thrive on regularity and consistency. A schedule should be helpful, yet flexible. It should be your servant, not your master.
Also this cd, Twenty-Four Hours is All You Get, on time management from vision forum helped me:
http://www.visionforum.com/browse/product/twenty-four-hours-is-all-you-get/default.aspx
I pull it out periodically to listen and remind myself of my priorities.
and the worksheets:
http://media.visionforum.com/products/images/extra/37952/24_Hours_Worksheets.pdf
Make that QUADRUPLETS, girls! I am probably one of the oldest homeschooling moms on this forum. Sad to say, I would not be one of those olders who could teach the youngers how to schedule a day. I’ve never worked on a schedule. Tried routines, but end up off those as well. I have a 23yo who was born with spina bifida, so I had to be very flexible with my days, as we had many hospital stays or appts. 3 hours from home. Even though she is now pretty much taking care of herself, I still cannot get myself in even a routine.
Our almost 10yo adopted dd, whom I am homeschooling now, has finally begun some special programs for math and reading, in part because of dyslexia. I know she would really do much better at least following a routine. She will need to work on these programs over the summer, but I don’t want her to feel bogged down with ‘school’ and miss some much needed time outdoors when the weather is nice. So, I really need to get this accomplished for her sake.
She would work on each program for 30-45 minutes. She will need a break in between. Habit #1(Simultaneously): Cutting back early morning computer time & Getting dd up earlier. I like the idea of just taking one at a time and working just on that for a while. I try to make all the changes at once and then it fails. Hearing all this about habit training is giving me incentive, not only for dd, but for myself as well, even at 51.
Wings2fly, thanks for the link to the worksheets. Those may come in handy.
I’m off to begin good habit training! Maybe a bedtime habit is needed immediately as well:)
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