Habit of Obedience-Help Needed!

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  • January 19, 2015 at 1:32 pm
    Jacqueline
    Participant

    I wasn’t really sure if this was the right place to write about this but I don’t know where else to discuss this. My oldest is only 3 1/2, so we haven’t officially started a formal homeschool yet. We’re working on some habit training though and I’m really struggling. My 3 year old constantly says “no” and “I don’t want to” and “I’m not going to”. He also dawdles when he he asked to clean up his toys, and constantly asks me to help him. I’m trying to be consistent with discipline and expectations and I try to reward him for good behaviour. However, sometimes I really feel at a loss of what to do. I feel worn out trying to discipline this child. Please, if anyone has useful/ practical advice, please share!

    January 19, 2015 at 2:15 pm
    anniepeter
    Participant

    No condemnation here, ok?  We’ve all been there!!  So understand this is not in harsh tones!

    Just quickly, the first thing that comes to mind is this:  Do you make sure your yes is always yes and your no is always no?  The hardest thing is to train ourselves!!  Try to make sure you never give a command you aren’t willing to follow through on.  Also, choose your battles wisely. You don’t want to have to discipline for things that really don’t matter.

    If you have time to read a bit, you might look at raisinggodlytomatoes.com and/or get the Kindle ebook (probably free from amazon.com) Gentle Measures in the Management of Children (something like that anyway).  Both of these were recommended on here in past threads, and I’ve found them very helpful.  I don’t follow them 100%, but maybe I should!!  I keep trying to come closer…

    And with your younger ones, use diaper changes to begin teaching that they can and must do as Mommy says and stay put.  They don’t need to squirm all over.  It is a great foundation.  You are beginning to teach obedience, and that will stand you well in days to come.  You’ll find more ideas like this on the website I mentioned, and they have made a world of difference for me with my last few kids.  Wish I would have known sooner…

    January 21, 2015 at 8:08 am
    Jacqueline
    Participant

    Thanks for the advice! I know I could be a little more consistent at times. You’re right, it is difficult to train ourselves, but I am constantly trying. Also, I know sometimes I am too uptight about messes and make too many rules and am learning to ease off a little. My boys (3 and 15 months) can be really wild and excitable at times and I feel sometimes that stresses me out, but I need to learn to let them be boys and relax.

    Thanks for the links! I’ll definitely be doing some reading!

    January 21, 2015 at 9:57 am
    curlywhirly
    Participant

    I found that my boys really need a lot of physical activity, way more then I would imagine. When they get the physical activity they need, they are better able to obey, pay attention, etc etc etc. It has also been true of my daughter, but my understanding is that she is not totally typical for girls, she just has a very active personality. One of my goals each day is to find a way to “wear them out”. LOL

    I would echo the need to be consistent. Its the hardest thing for me, and most helpful for obedience. Also, instead of asking them to do something twice or more at those young ages I will just take their hand and help them do whatever I was asking if they don’t obey after a few seconds. It means I have to be on top of it every time I ask them something and willing to get up and move myself, but they don’t develop the habit of disobedience this way, and that’s half the battle right there. 🙂

    January 21, 2015 at 10:30 pm
    BlessedMommy
    Participant

    Toddlers often feel powerless because they have such little control over their lives, so naturally, simple requests or demands can result in a battle of wills so that they feel they have some level of control. I find that offering choices (whenever possible), makes a huge difference. You are still disciplining / guiding / setting limits, but, you are allowing them to feel empowered and in control of their own little world. For example, the playroom has to be cleaned… “Which toy do you want to clean up first? The blocks or your trains?” Or you have decided that Peanut Butter and Jelly is for lunch… “Would you like strawberry jelly or grape jelly?” Or would you like grapes or a banana with your sandwich?” These choices are minor to us but, huge to them. Hope that helps.

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