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habit of attention questions
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Hello,
I have 4 children 8 and younger. Please help me figure out how to be effective with my first habit attempt.
My kids don’t ask “what?”, they completely ignore. To avoid repeating myself can I ask them, “what did I ask you to do?”. I’ve been asking that question endlessly it seems, so I am lost as to how to say things only once without merging into obedience/disipline, as obedience habit training is after that of attention.
Single reading narration. If they do not remember very much, can I ever ask prompting questions? It seems sometimes this does help jog a lot of memory.
What did you see game. Does this work same concept with a picture book – look for a few seconds then close and see how many things they remember?
Are “hidden picture” object books good to help with the habit of attention?
How about old fashion simon says, needing to listen for “simon says” or out of game…?
Thank you so much for your time and input!
I start with obedience as the first habit, but just because you haven’t chosen to do it first doesn’t mean you can’t work on obedience – obedience should be at the top of our list of priorities all the time regardless of what habits we’re working on. So I’d sit them down and let them know that you’ll only be telling them to do something one time and if they don’t obey there will be consequences – not necessarily spanking, but something appropriate for whatever you’ve asked them to do. For example, if my children don’t go up and get ready for bed the first time they are asked, they don’t get free reading time before bed, it’s lights out. (or whatever you decide is appropriate for your children – obviously the little ones may have a different consequence.) But you have to enforce it everytime and you’ll start getting much more attention when you give instructions. If you have a child that has trouble focusing (I do) you might need to touch them and have them look them in the eye as you tell them and then have them repeat it back – I usually hold her hands and bend down as I give her instructions – ideally, I shouldn’t have to do that, but her love language is touch so it’s helpful to her in more than just one way.
Like Rebekahy, I start with obedience as the first habit.
I have 4 kids, ages 25 years to 4 years. The younger ones are adopted from foster care, so we have some issues that many people don’t have to deal with. I can’t use any physical punnishment (against state rules and also often not wise when a child has expereinced abuse, neglect and domestic violence). But I can gently guide them through whatever it is I have requested they do, like it or not. 🙂 After I give one clear, simple direction and making sure I have eye contact so I know they heard it, I take them by the hand and pick up the toy on the floor and walk them to the toy box, etc. While forming this habit I also limit opportunities for gross disobedience. ie the child rides in the shopping cart at the store rather than walk along side if they can’t keep their hands to themselves.
I try to keep my attitude calm and friendly and matter of fact at all times (easier said than done!). In my case I am trying to build relationships with traumatized children, so fear on their part would be counter productive. I even tell them regularly that I love them too much to let them learn to disobey, so they hopefully begin to understand why I insist on first time obedience.
It requires extreme vigilance on my part at first in order to get them started because they will find and exploit any time I am not paying attention, and of course occassionally going back to basics if they start to stray, but if I nip problems in the bud it generally goes quite well. I do get compliments from other Moms on the behavior of my little ones.
My littlest guy has lots of challenges in his background and his behavior has been really difficult. At times I have had to walk him through the obedience while he is literally kicking and screaming as if fighting for his life. Over time, even he has developed a good habit of first time obedience. I think the key is calm consistancy.
HTH, even if your situation is very different.
What I read was what you had put with the games to strengthen the skills. My two are 7 & 8 and once I give a simple direction, I ask them to repeat it. I did this prior to Rails. If doesn’t get done, I don’t repeat, I call them to wherever it is and ask them what I asked them to do. They usually say it right away then I point and say can you tell me why it isn’t done? I go from there. If it was a choice to disregard, then I say natural consequences. If they have a reason that is legit, then we move on from there. I have had them answer…..I went to do it but dad asked me to get his such and such and then I forgot to go back & do it. So we work on that. Heck I do that!! LOL I am starting rails soon and I am reading it through. My problem is I tell kids to get their baths, but no one goes first then they blame the other for disobedience and say I was going to go second blah blah blah.
I plan to start with attention too. I have a problem with a dawdler. Nothing has changed her so far. Usually I tell kids I need them to get up and get dressed, but I get frustrated later when I go thru and find son did clothes & hair but not teeth & daughter did teeth & clothes but not hair and both have on no shoes and I’m ready to go. So this morning I went in and told my son I needed him to brush his teeth, comb his hair then get dressed including shoes. I had him repeat back to me and lo and behold he was ready to go on time same for daughter I ended up being 30 minutes early today!! So I say yes make sure you have their full attention by having them repeat not you. I also have my two look me in the eyes.
I don’t know if I helped at all since I haven’t actually started but am just in the researching reading & learning phase myself. It does say encourage their full attention when you talk so I say them repeating what you said is doing just that.
I told the kids to clean off the dinner table after lunch and they removed their dishes, but did not wipe it down. I called them back into the room and stood there. Immediately without a word they grabbed the towel & spray. Heads down in shame they cleaned it. Oh that was obediance for sure and it worked without a word. I could hear the brain connection go snap! I’m full of hope & yes I know I am jumping all over the place. Maybe their inattention is from my example? Never I say. LOL
🙂
Good examples.
With my older kids, I had a morning/bedtime routine (rebus pictures first, later words) posted on the bathroom mirror. It worked well. Why I didn’t do it with the younger ones will be a mystery the rest of my life. Heh. Hey. They can read now. I’ll work on getting that put in their bathroom this week. We do have a main chore chart that I have them walk to instead of repeating (sometimes). My habits sometimes dwindle when I’m doing too much. Then we all get off track. Ugh. I like having my chart though because it helps get things back innorder fairly soon.
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