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Giving children gradual independence
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Hello all,
My husband and I are in a pickle. Our ds almost 8 is in need of some independence. He has expressed some feelings and behaviors over the last couple of weeks, and God has given us enough wisdom to know that he’s really trying to gain some independence. His expressions have been negative, so we are looking for some positive outlets for him to make decisions about things on his own, feel responsible for something, and feel in control over something. He is a very responsible and respectful little boy, and we feel he is ready to have some parent-guided independence. I know this is something that will grow in years to come, and we and he are ready to begin the process.
For you more experienced mommas, what are some ways you have given your children independence and safe outlets for them to make decisions for something on their own, while you and your husband kept a watchful and wise eye over them?
We have had someone suggest allowing him to plan breakfasts or lunches from now on and also be responsible for making the grocery list, but since we’re on the GAPS diet, that won’t exactly give him a whole lot of freedom in his choices. Something like that is what I’m seeking though…something we can guide him in and provide supervision, but that he is responsible for and feels like he’s “being a man”, you know?
Any ideas are appreciated and will be considered. My parents were not good examples for me in gradually giving parent-guided independence, so I have nothing to look to. My husband had awesome parents, but he also grew up in an age when children were allowed to play away from home all the time and knew it was time to come home when the porch light came on. So, we’re both sort of at a loss.
Many thanks,
Lindsey
I know exactly what you are talking about. It started with my son a couple of years ago. I have learned it’s the little things that matter, like opening a jar for me, or cooking eggs for everyone’s breakfast. As he’s gotten older, we allowed him to do a pet-sitting job to earn money. He made his own advertisements and went door to door handing them out. He saved for over a year and bought a beautiful Boston Terrier puppy that he plans to do a breeding business with.
Depending on your family’s interests, your son can get creative and focus his “independent” energy into something that feels his own. For example, if you are into gardening, maybe he could take charge of his own little garden alongside yours.
I’m sure others will chime in with their own experiences. Blessings!
My dd is 8 and also learning independence. For school I have made a list of things she needs to get done on her own time (and have me listen to narrations or check her work). She is responsible for many chores. I let her go outside and ride around a couple blocks on her bike alone. She loves to create things – art, in the kitchen, etc. So she does a lot of that, too. She also is the only kid allowed to read at night and choose her own lights out time.
I hope those give you some ideas!
These are great ideas, ladies. Thank you! I was hoping some of our more seasoned mommas might also respond…especially those with boys (hint, hint Bookworm)! The only things our son is interested in right now are sports (baseball and football), reading, and he REALLY wants to take karate. Those are his interests, and I’m not sure how to create opportunities for independence with those.
Thanks again!
P.S. simplehome, I love the gardening idea…if only we had a successful garden.
Lindsey,
I was raised like your hubby and it does make thinking through the how to of certain things a challenge. My kids aren’t much older, but one thing has been to give them an area of the house they are responsible for making sure is up to snuff. They don’t have to so it all alone, but rather supervise the doing. It’s a pride in ownership type of thing.
Another small thing – I send dd10 in to buy milk, etc. She also helps with baby a lot and is capable of taking care of him completely. My ds7 is learning to mow lawn under careful supervision and helps with things like remodeling the bathroom. For him, it’s increasingly important he spend time with daddy doing “man stuff”. It might be working on projects, tossing the ball, catching a game – anything works as long as its with daddy. I think this is important, especially for homeschooled kids.
Christie
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