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Getting up early/Quiet Time
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Until recently, my children have been my alarm clock. I rarely got out of bed until they came marching into our room, asking for breakfast, usually between 8-8:30. (I know, ridiculous, right?) God convicted me about this, however, I have begun getting up at 6:30 so I can shower, have my time with the Lord, get a few things done around the house etc. I LOVE doing this! So much more than I ever thought!
My problem: It’s like my dd5 knows I’m up, so she gets up at 7 or a little after. First of all, this intrudes on my quiet time. I have made her go back to bed before, telling her that Mommy needs to spend time with Jesus before our day begins. She’ll go back, but only for 10-15 minutes, then she’s up again. I can’t figure out why she’s waking up because I’m as quiet as a mouse and mainly stay in my bedroom or our office. Also, she has a noise machine that blocks out virtually all sound, so there’s really no way I could be waking her.
To me, getting up early to get ready for the day and have some quiet time is pointless if the kids are going to be up during that time. I am not getting up before the rest of my house so that I can prepare them for the day. I’m doing it for myself and for the Lord. The days just go better if I’ve had that time to myself to pray, prepare, and plan. Am I wrong to send her back to bed? Am I being selfish?
We don’t start school before 9:00 anyway, so even if they continue getting up around 8:00, we still have plenty of time for breakfast, dressing, and chores.
Just wondering what some of you would do…
Lindsey
Lindsay,
Explain to your daughter what you are doing. Tell her if she needs to go to the bathroom, she can do that, and then she is to return to her room. Teach her to recognize the time she can get up, whatever time you decide. Either show her on an analog clock or buy her a small digital clock, and tell her she can get up when the first number is an 8, for example. Until then she needs to remain in her room and quiet. You might give her a few options, like lay back down and go to sleep, or say her prayers, look at a book, give her Bible stories on CD with a CD player and earphones? She can have her quiet time like Mommy if she won’t stay asleep or in bed. No, you aren’t being selfish. You are modeling a vital habit to her, and perhaps helping train her to develop the same habit over time. She’ll value time with the Lord if Mommy always did.
Michelle D
I use an idea I got from this group – we start the day with our special 30-minute project time. Everyone is expected to pick a project that has meaning to them and that they do indpendently without Mom’s help. No one is to interrupt another person’s work or concentration.
I am a person who, like you, functions best when I start the day alone and quietly. It feels wonderful to start the day with prayer and some creative, enjoyable work. If I get up before the kids, I get the bonus of extra time alone beyond the 30 minutes. If I wake up when the kids wake up, at least we get that 30 minutes of quiet, independent time.
Sometimes I fall out of the habit of waking early, and I feel the loss of my quiet mornings. The tone and energy of quiet, creative, meditative mornings carry through the whole day. Good luck with your efforts and helping your 5yo get in the morning groove. Go easy with developing the habit and show her how enjoyable that time for herself can be.
Michelle’s ideas are great! I train my kids similarly, but I use an alarm clock w/ a cd player since I start this at 2 years of age when they go from crib to big bed. When the music plays, they 3 yo may get up, but before the clock plays she’s only allowed to go to the bathroom and return to her room. My 6 & 9 yo kids go downstairs when they wake and start their day (6:30 or 7 am) – devotions, school work they can attend to on their own like math. The baby gets up and nurses around 8 am. Now, if I could consistently start my day at 7 am, I’d be thrilled, but I usually get up between 7:30 and 8:00 as I’m usually up until midnight.
Christie
Michelle D- I am so glad you wrote that it is not being selfish to do this. Often I am struck with this thought (that I am being selfish) when my 3 yo gets up earlier than usual and my quiet time is cut short.
I never thought of it as modeling a good habit! Thanks so much.
Our days go better when I have this time in the morning.
Nanci
My children are also instructed to be quiet, stay in there own bed, and that’s that in the morning until I come it which is usually at 7:15. When they speak they get the “shhhh” from me. If it gets out of control it becomes a discipline issue which dh and I figure out a way of dealing with. Loss of something, going to bed early, etc .
You are NOT being selfish. I need that time or I don’t function at all. Keep up the work it will paly off. You just need to find the “thing” that will work for your family. Misty
Thank you all so much! I had a feeling you would reinforce what I’m doing, but you know how that “guilt factor” sometimes raises its ugly head. She doesn’t have a clock in her room, but that might be just the investment I need to ensure that I get my time in the mornings.
Esby, I like the idea of doing something creative and uninterrupted in the morning. Sounds refreshing!
Thanks again!
Lindsey,
Thanks for posting this! I’ve been working on the same thing. My middle one seems to get up as soon as I do no matter what the time is. One thing we have done with him is tell him he can’t get out of bed until he clock says 7 (I try to get up at 6). Then, if I’m not done with my quiet time when he’s up, I either read aloud to him whatever I’m reading in the Bible that day or ask him to get his Bible and sit quietly and “read” his. It’s been working unless the others boys get up early too for some reason, but this is pretty rare.
This has been an interesting thread to read. I have never tried making my kids stay in bed in the morning. I have several very early risers (before 7am easily, one before 6am often), but they have been that way since little tiny babes. It is just the way God made them. I simply encourage them to find quiet things to do during the early morning time, be it reading or looking at books, or playing with a toy. My own quiet time must be finished by 7am out of respect for these early ones, and at 7am the whole house gets fed and going for the day. I can’t imagine telling my children to stay in their bed, encouraging lazy habits and reinforcing the idea that they are not welcome in my life if I am having time with God. I want my children seeing me actively spending time with God, I want them learning how important that time is, and hopefully beginning in similar habits as they grow.
I think that you can do both, Tristan. It is important to have your kids see you having time with God and also participating in that time. However, it is also important for them to realize that some of that time with God needs to be private and even intimate. This can be explained to them rather easily I would say. A husband and wife need time alone together and our relationship with God should be even more intimate and close. This is what our Lord longs for! I think that children need to come to learn this, and then, when they see how seriously you take your time alone with God, they will want to have that intimate time alone with Him as well. And they should be given that private time with Him. There are several scriptures that recommend time spent alone with the Lord be early morning, however, I would say that any time of day could work, depending on a family’s lifestyle.
Also, kids staying in bed doesn’t have to encourage lazy habits. You could, for example, encourage them to spend their own private time with God.
** I just reread what I typed and hope I did not offend anyone! It was a quick response in my surprise at the thread, so probably not as well put as it could have been. We all find what works for us!
I also do not think that a child staying in bed so that a mother can have an hour or so to herself is encouraging lazy habits. It’s not that I don’t want my children to see me spending time with God. I very much want them to know that I value my time with the Lord, and that it’s difficult for anyone to be refreshed and even hear from God whenever little ones are demanding breakfast, asking for certain toys, etc. I could not allow my kids to rise before 6, especially in the summer when we often don’t go to bed until after 9 or 9:30 and frequently skip afternoon naps to go swimming or grocery shopping. They are, after all, only 5 and 6. If they were 10 and 12, I wouldn’t have even posted the question.
Though this may be off topic to the original posters intent….
For those of you who have felt guilty for not having that “early morning quiet time” because little ones have interupted you or you just can’t wake before your early risers, I highly recommend reading “Passionate Housewives Desperate for God”. The author has a blog entry titled “Highly Revered (and impossible) Quiet Time”
http://yoursacredcalling.blogspot.com/2007/08/almighty-and-impossible-quiet-time.html
Someone may find this burden-lifting
.Blessings, Heather
Lindsey, none of my children are 10 or 12.
My children are 9, 5, 4, 2, 1, and one on the way. We have a bedtime (9pm in summer, 8pm in winter) and daily rest in bed(1pm). We feel keeping a routine for our family helps things run much smoother than repeated unpredictable days where the children (and mom!) are kept up late randomly, not allowed to rest mid-day because of activities or errands, etc. Grocery shopping and swimming can be done at other times than naptime, and those little bodies need rest. Even big bodies need rest, including my husband and myself. However, a family with only 2 children probably has more flexibility than a large family. One cranky, tired child is easier to deal with than 4 or 5…LOL.
To get that quiet time alone I know I can get up earlier than my early risers or to use the rest period in our afternoons.
If I truly need time alone when children are up I let the children know, and they have been taught to respect when someone asks for ‘quiet time’, be it a child or adult asking. Mine have access to toys, and everyone eats breakfast together, so they don’t ‘demand breakfast or ask for certain toys’, as you put it. Before breakfast time anyone who is hungry is welcome to eat fruits or veggies, and one child regularly does. Even a 5 or 6yo can get a piece of fruit or their own cereal if you teach them how.
@ Tristan, it is great that you’ve found what works for your family, but it is a mistake to assume that your routine or schedule is best or would work at all in another household. Whatever your intention, you seem to be making some erroneous conclusions.
- Training a child to “get up” at a certain time is a discipline, not a lazy habit. It would not be safe for little preschoolers to be roaming about the house before the adults are awake, no matter the time. By using a clock, it helps them to learn the parameters that are acceptable in our home. For instance, my 3 year old can wake whenever she wishes, but she knows that her clock will play at 7:30 am at which time she’s allowed to make noise of one type or another. She also knows that before then, she can either go back to sleep or look quietly at a book, but she may not sing her heart out and wake others, that would be inconsiderate & rude, not loving.
- Just as you have several early risers and indicated that God made them that way, well, He made us night owls, too. My best, most productive time has always been from 11 pm – 3 am. I live with some early risers, however, so I compromise and try to go to bed by midnight. My time in the Word at midnight sinks into my head and heart much better than it would at 6 am.
- If we choose to go to the beach or pool and miss nap time one day (or several days), then we might go to bed earlier or sleep in a bit the next day. But what joy we’ve had in being outside – I wouldn’t want to miss it! Sometimes, too, errands get done when we’d ordinarily be resting, but it’s worth if I know that it’s the best time option for that day. BTW, I, too, am a routine person. Bedtime and rest-time here are the same year-round, except when we choose to flex our routine or life throws us a curve ball that requires it. For our family, that is the beauty of the routine – it keeps things humming along smoothly and allows for those spontaneous moments, too. My routine is my slave, not my master.
- I have 4 kids and fall into that middle size family category, I suppose. My kids are 9, 6, 3, 8 months. The 9 yo is a definite early bird and most often wakes between 6:15 – 6:45. The 6yo is sometimes an early bird waking between 6:30-7:00. The 3 yo is not allowed to get up and moving before her clock plays at 7:30 am and the baby wakes at 7:45-8:00. I get up between 7:30-8:00 with the baby. When my 2 oldest were younger, we used the clock and whether they were early birds or not, they had to obey and stay quietly in their beds or rooms until their clocks played. They have proven responsible and trust-worthy and are allowed to go downstairs on their own to get started on their day by having personal quiet time, reading, starting schoolwork, etc. My 9yo makes breakfast for everyone around 8 am while I nurse the baby and the kids eat together while I sit on the sofa nursing the baby. At lunch time, the 6yo and 9yo work together to make lunch and again the kids eat while I nurse the baby. This works for us at this stage of our lives, but I know that it wouldn’t for other families. Does this mean that those other families are failing to train their children in proper habits or doing a better job at discouraging laziness than I am with mine? I don’t think so.
- We are all training our kids in different habits at different times. Mine might be great at obeying and staying quiet until everyone is awake, but working on diligence in cleaning up after themselves. Yours might be terrific at not being demanding, but working on not being moody or sullen. Susie Q’s may be at the very beginning of training and have a boatload of habits to work on. We’re all working toward raising responsible, respectable people who love the Lord and others. It’s just that our paths will never be exactly the same because our circumstances are different. Our Habit Training Priority Lists will be in a different order even if they contain all of the same items.
- We all have different lives and the beauty of homeschooling is that it can fit all of them!
@Heather, I did find that article encouraging and a great reminder that all quiet times don’t have to look the same and that that our own will vary from time to time. Thanks for sharing it.
Blessings,
Christie
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