Fustrated almost 11yr old

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  • September 7, 2010 at 7:38 pm
    Misty
    Participant

    My son is almost 11.  He is all joy and happiness with his school work (90% of the time) until it comes to correcting.  Then he just feels like a failure, a looser, a dummy, a stupid person (all his words).  I will sit with him and try and help him see his mistakes and remind him not everyone excels in school.  School is hard for some and easier for others.

    But what else can I do to help him.  Today he even started to hit himself out of fustration and scratched his arm.  I am looking for some advice to help me through this.  Or we’ll have a long school year ahead.  Thanks Misty

    September 7, 2010 at 8:00 pm
    Scherger5
    Participant

    Is there a way to not show him the mistakes?  I know for math it can be hard, but you could try to keep the “grade” from him and just make a mental note of  the things he needs extra help with.

    Also, is there something he really excells at?  Ask him to help out a sibling and them give him some good praise for it!  Make sure to let him know that God made him to be a unique individual and that he is fearfully and wonderfully made by God……the ONLY one who doesn’t make any mistakes. Laughing

    ~Heather

    September 8, 2010 at 3:24 am
    Debij
    Member

    Wow I wish I could help 🙂  But you just described my son to a T, the scary thing is they are the same age.  I pulled him out of public school for the last quarter of last year, and I am home schooling him currently.  But if I bring up his mistakes or correct him he starts to cry and get up set and hits himself in the head.  He becomes frustrated and hard to work with.  I’m also at a loss as to what to do with him.  I have shortened our lessons because he is new as I am to this method so I’m trying to take things slow.  He got frustrated over copy work because he isn’t very good at cursive yet, and he broke down.  I’ve tried to tell him that we are all different and learn things at a different rate, and that God made him so to me he is perfect, but he isn’t buying it.  So every day I say a quick prayer that he will keep his attention on task, and that he will not make as many mistakes.

     

    Debi J

    September 8, 2010 at 4:57 am
    Esby
    Member

    I agree with Heather’s advice to make a mental note of the mistakes your son is making. Later, in another setting, you can address the areas that need correction.

    Generally, when I see many mistakes, I take it as a signal that *I* need to slow down with the lessons. I also take it as a signal that I need to pay closer attention to the child when he’s working independently and help catch the mistakes.

    The mistakes I see are usually more a reflection on MY work as the parent/teacher than on the child’s work. (Though sometimes the mistakes are a bad habit issue that needs to be addressed.)

    One thing I have to remind myself is to give the child a chance to show me what he DOES know, not for me to point out what he doesn’t know. You as the adult will notice what is missing and what needs to be addressed in his work. Make note of the mistakes he has been making and think about how to address the weak areas.

    Another approach I have found very effective when a child is frustrated over something like handwriting is after the child completes a letter or sentence, I ask HIM whether it’s good. I might say, “Which letter of all that you wrote looks the best? Which letter doesn’t look so great?” Sometimes we even manage to giggle at mistakes.

    And when I make a mistake, I really try to model how to be good natured about it. Fortunately for my kids, I make many mistakes throughout the day and they have frequent opportunity to learn that nobody is perfect. Laughing at your own mistakes and correcting them willingly is helpful for the kids to see. 

    Sometimes I confide in my kids something like, “It took me forever to remember what 7 x 8 equals when I was learning multiplication. I don’t know why that was so hard for me, but it was.  Even now I have to think about it.” Knowing that mom sometimes struggles over simple things can be a comfort.

    Hang in there. It’s not easy to accept correction and it’s not easy to give it, either. Be patient with yourself.

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