Frustrated with dd

If you have done phonics over and over and she is struggling, it might be time for an evaluation for something like dyslexia, or eye convergence/tracking problems.

The others have addressed the reading pretty well I think.  A lot of it once she has the phonics tools and can use them is simply hours and hours of accumulated reading before fluency really happens.  Truly.  Or there could be some underlying dyslexia or eye issues. 

I did want to address the clean house issue.  It is completely possible to homeschool and maintain a clean (not spotless every minute) home.  My big tips are obvious, but I’ll share them anyway hoping they encourage you.

1. Get rid of stuff.  We need far less than we tend to keep (decor, clothing, toys, dishes, pots and pans, papers, and so on).  The goal is to only have available what can be put away in 10 minutes by a child.  So how many toys do you keep out?  Only as many as the kids can pick up in 10 minutes.  How many dishes do you keep out?  Only as many as you need to feed your family (and a few guests).  How many clothes does a child or adult need?  Only a few outfits that can mix and match, truly.  Pack up the rest and rotate them in and out of the closet or simply pass them on to someone else. 
2. Take the time to train the children to do chores.  This is huge.  Yes, I know it is often faster to do it yourself, especially at first.  But given a decent training period the whole family can spread the workload and it will be done so much faster.  A simple example:  IN the time it takes me to do 2 chores I can have 8 other people doing 2 chores.  In my 20 minutes of work we’ve just finished 18 chores.  18!  Even if they just did 1 chore each we knock out 10 chores in just 20 minutes. 
3. Good habits!  Train everyone to put things away where they belong right away, to not get a new book/toy/thing out until they’ve put away the last item, to pitch in when they see a job that needs doing, etc. 

I hope those are encouraging.  If you’ve not read it yet, I have an entire blog series on training children to do chore.  It chronicles our chore journey and shares the method I have now used successfully for quite a while.  It’s called Operation Chore Training.

I have a couple packrats too. They will keep anything and everything. Just a couple weeks ago I got fed up with the constant messes and packed everything up in boxes (no I wasn’t angry just tired of the mess -my kids actually were too). I made sure they couldn’t see what was in the boxes and each day they can ask for something out of the boxes that they will get to keep. After a few months, everything not asked for will either be packed/stored for a rainy day (not much for this) or given away. I figure if they can’t remember whats in the boxes to ask for it, they don’t really want/need it. So far it’s working really well. The things they’ve asked for they really do play with and they don’t seem to miss the things that are still in the boxes. They are also getting along a lot better which was an interesting side effect. They have even asked me to throw a few things in the boxes away – I think once they were separated from it, they realized that they didn’t really like/play with it. 

Or you could keep a running list of things you see them play with and then start skimming off the things they ignore. 

I did the above for my younger crew (ages 9 and down). For my older ones, I limit their space. Right now, they have 1 treasure drawer (either a footlocker or a rubbermaid bin), one bookshelf (most are book collectors like me) and one small shelf in the closet. If the spaces are too full, they have to clean something out. Just recently I started having them leave a bit of space in their space so they can get something new if they want without having to clear out something else right away. That is working really well.

I tried this limiting space for the youngers but it took way too much of my time since they couldn’t do a lot of the clearing out, deciding, organizing by themselves. As they add stuff back in, I’ll help them arrange it better so there is still space left and it’s easy to clean up. 

I know this probably all sounds harsh but it’s not, really! They have plenty of family stuff to play with. For example, my kids are lego fanatics so all our legos are organized into a big dresser for everyone to play with. The top of the dresser is available for keeping completed or still being worked on creations. Same with art supplies, books and games. They also have outside stuff – balls, rackets, bikes, scooters, wagons, etc. So far, though, the big clean out has been great – they play easily all day long, really want back what they ask for, get along better and spend a lot less time cleaning up!

Just some thoughts : )

I wanted to mention one more thing on the reading note. You’ve had lots of good advice already, I just want encourage you to give her plenty of time to practice reading material that is well within her grasp. There was a time with my son that I literally went to the library a few times with one goal: to get as many books with big print, no more than two lines on a page, beginner books. And if they were funny, so much the better. And I came home and told my son that when he finished those, I would go get more. There were probably 20 or so, he “couldn’t” really read, and I had to go back the next day! It was a major breakthrough for us. Maybe you can hit on a combination that will be right for you to give her the incentive, practice, desire…whatever is most needful. The essential for us was to avoid frustration at all costs, and build confidence to get rid of the “I can’t” attitude that was hindering progress. Incidentally, he was 10 at the time. All in good time 🙂

I wanted to comment on your perfectionist comment as I too was a perfectionist and this is a very big deal to me.  Sometimes I still am, however, I have learned to let it go.  I have my kids help with chores and I have learned to say “Thank you for dusting” or whatever they did and not criticize or do it over myself.  This was and still is hard for me but I work on it every day.  Some days are better then others. 

This morning I found this poem on FB and shared it and I hope you can benefit from it as well.  I also keep in mind a question which I ask myself and my DH every once in a while; on your death bed are you going to wish that you had a cleaner house?

Dust if you must,

But wouldn’t it be better

To paint a picture or write a letter,

Bake a cake or plant a seed,

Ponder the difference between want and need?

Dust if you must, but there’s not much time,

With rivers to swim and mountains to climb,

Music to hear, and books to read,

Friends to cherish and life to lead.

Dust if you must, but the world’s out there,

With the sun in your eyes, the wind in your hair,

A flutter of snow, a shower of rain.

This day will not come round again.

Dust if you must, but bear in mind,

Old age will come and it’s not kind.

And when you go – and go you must –

You, yourself, will make more dust.

By Rose Milligan