Frustrated

Olivia,

I think you’re right to want to give hsing a little more time. The first year is usually the hardest for most families, especially if you’re making the transition out of public school. Our family hasn’t had that experience, and I can see how it might be frustrating for both mom and students.

My first question is how old are your children? If they aren’t preschool or kindergarten age, I don’t see any reason why they shouldn’t respect your need for computer time while they’re working on school. I would suggest that you give them a challenge such as: “I’m going to set the timer for 15 minutes, and I need you to work on your math lessons. Let’s see if you can finish this page before the timer goes off. If you can, you’ll get 15 minutes of free time before we go on to the next subject. If you get up and run off to play while the timer is still going, then I will set the timer again and again until you’re able to focus and get this lesson finished.” Of course, if your children are older, that might be a bit of an elementary approach; then again, if they’re older, they should be able to do as they’re told. (Please forgive me if I’m being a bit forward here. )

My second question: Have you read Laying Down The Rails? It is a very helpful resource on habit training–something our family was definitely lacking in. It doesn’t just teach obvious habits like personal hygiene or neatness; it also talks extensively about the habits of obedience, truthfulness, and attention–the 3 most important!

My third question is are you sure the morning is the only time you can have school? I know most people would prefer to have school in the morning when the children and mom are fresh and ready to start the day. However, if you must leave the children unsupervised while you work on the computer, perhaps they could work on their reading until you’re finished with your work.

If you’re committed to the homeschooling process, make sure your husband knows that. When we first started homeschooling, my husband asked if I planned on doing it until the children were finished with school. I told him I was. Ever since, he has been a huge source of encouragement because he knows it is the best choice for our family. If I ever have those days when I’m just dying to send them off to public school (and believe me, I have those days!), he always tells me what a great job I’m doing and that we are committed to this process together, despite the hardships. If you and your husband have agreed that hsing is the best choice for your family, ask him to encourage you, especially on days like today. He might also be able to talk to the children about their refusals to get their work done while you’re working. 

I’ll leave you with a quote from Charlotte herself: “There is no need to rate the child, or threaten him, or use any manner of violence, because the parent is invested with authority which the child intuitively recognises. It is enough to say, ‘Do this,’ in a quiet, authoritative tone, and expect it to be done. The mother often loses her hold over her children because they detect in the tone of her voice that she does not expect them to obey her behests; she does not think enough of her position; has not sufficient confidence in her own authority” (Vol. 1, p. 162).

I hope at least some of this is helpful.

~Lindsey

If I may…

I think maybe your 8yo isn’t getting any consequences for his actions. Or, if he is, they’re not working. If he enjoys the afternoon activities like baking, experiments, playing outdoors, then that gives you a great advantage. If you go with the timer suggestion, and he doesn’t finish the work in the allotted time, then maybe he shouldn’t be allowed to participate in the fun afternoon activities. For example, if you plan to bake cookies one afternoon and he wasn’t able to stay seated and finish his schoolwork, then perhaps he shouldn’t be allowed to help bake or eat the cookies. Instead he should have to finish what should’ve been earlier that morning. He may think this grossly unfair, however I’m sure he’ll see that you mean business when you tell him to focus and get his schoolwork done. That’s a natural consequence–you don’t have to yell or spank, and you shouldn’t give him the pleasure of your negative reaction, because that may also be what he’s searching for. Just stay calm and enforce those consequences every time.

Also, he should be made aware that his actions aren’t just affecting him, but you and younger sister as well. (This might be a great opportunity to teach younger sister about staying focused and making the right choice to stay on task even when someone is persuading her otherwise.) If you just took the children out of public school back in December, he may be testing boundaries. Stay consistent and he’ll not test long, especially if he has to miss out on his favorite activities.

Another suggestion that might be impossible for you, but I thought I’d throw out there: Is there any way you could put your computer time on hold for a little while until you and the children get turned back in the right direction? Your children may be wanting you there with them as they navigate these new and unfamiliar waters for a little while.

~Lindsey

I wanted to recommend a practical and helpful book – Raising Godly Tomatoes by Elizabeth Krueger. It is full of great how-to advice on child training. The book is available to read online or you can purchase a copy. This and Laying Down the Rails are my favorites for this type of help and advice.

Blessings,

Christie

I just had to chime in and say that I agree completely with the last 2 posts—-

And can’t say enough about ‘Raising Godly Tomatoes’   –It will be the only parenting book you ever need.

I give them out as gifts. Very practical and down to earth.  It is written by a woman who loves her children very much and does not give any harsh advise. 

Michele

Just a suggestion,  training is an issue I don’t mean by punishing but by training.  Here is what I would do, Train when you are not NEEDING them to do the thing, OK, Here is an example situation :  I have to go into my room to do computer work for 30 minutes say 3 times a day.  So, all week ESPECIALLY on the weekend when my hubby can over see when I leave,  At first I won’t leave, I would explain to the children mama has computer time so this is what we are to do.  ( I already have an activity planned for them)  and for 30 minutes they would do this activity with ME There.  And gradually after 1 -2 weeks they will just do this without question — It’s just what we do.  It will not be a HAVE To or be motivated by fear of a spanking/punishment.   Here is one occasion in our home what we did,  I  had to answer the phone, (it would be husband and I wanted to talk wiith him)  So he and I came up with pairing the children off  1 younger and 1 older they would read a book, and the middles ages 5, 6, 8 would play legos.  And we called it “PLACES”  now we practiced this many times during the day when I didn’t need to be on the phone.— Dry runs.  So when the time came for real it only took about 2 times as they did this without me and it was the way it was when the phone rang and I called PLACES.  NO Problems at all.  Now when we get a surprise visitor or any other quick change, I just say PLACES.  DONE deal     But at first it needs practice as everything — makes perfect.

Kristi