Friendships/Socialization with only child in Middle East

Hello there,

First let me say, my daughter has never had any problems socializing. She plays and communicates well with anyone she meets.We have resided in the Middle East since my daughter was 13 months. Now she is 5 turning 6 in November. My husband works in a remote location so we rarely see him. Like most expat children, she has had the global experience. Her accent used to be mostly American and something else you couldn’t quite figure out. It recently got  a British twist since our latest trip to England, so funny!

The company’s camp we lived on was small, sometimes too small I think, because you saw the same people all the time asking the same questions: “what do you do with her whole day”, ” what about socialization?, ” you are not sending her to school?”

I used to take my daughter to different playgrounds on the camp to break the monotony, but they were all the same – filled with sand, dirty and sometimes with broken props. I didn’t let that stop me from spending lots of time outdoors. I made it work by the grace of God and created my own fun environment at home too. We played, read a lot, danced, sang many other fun activities. When it wasn’t extremely hot outside or extremely windy/cold, which wasn’t much of the year, we spent most of the available time outdoors. That particular country was very restrictive, so there was nothing else to do except go to the mall, one and a half hours away by company bus; it just wasn’t worth it. There was not even a zoo. Just camels, sheep and goats in the desert, and how much can you talk about that, really, over 3 years?

Groups – I did try a mothers and kids group for a little but all the mothers there ever did, was sit around have coffee and chat while their children screamed, fought and ran wild most of the time. It was not at all what I expected. I had to look out for her being run over or shoved by other children and she was already so tiny. And, usually by the time we returned home,  she was quite fussy from all of the overstimulation, and I would be a bit grumpy with a headache myself, so I stopped going.

Play dates – I  then decided to try this instead, but this also didn’t work out. Most of the time it ended it with the mothers apologizing for their child’s behavior.

I am not just saying this because she is my child, but she is well behaved, courteous and gentle. People have complimented us all the time on our daughter’s behavior from baby on the plane to now. For some reason, it’s like they are in shock. She has always been well behaved. One mother even told me if her children was like her she would have 10 instead of 2. So sometimes it is hard when I finally get a child/children for her to play with and they are not playing nice. On the way home she would ask why the kid was behaving that way.

Hence, feeling a little pressured with all the questions etc by people on our very small camp, and from extended family who were in the teaching business, I decided to enroll in pre-K at the school on camp. In addition, I didn’t want her feeling left out when her friend next door spoke of school. Which he did excitedly anyway, even long before he started. So like I said I felt pressured. Whilst one or two  children who went to playgroups every day of the week were having problems settling in, I am proud to say she had none. However, as the weeks went on,  her behavior began to change for the worse. Her uncanny attention to detail and her intense focus, things she exhibited naturally began to disappear. She just began mimicking the other children, which I guess is normal. But for the first time, I had to deal with back talk and screaming and other behaviors that was beyond me. I was asking myself where has my child gone.

I was allowed to observe the teaching and class activities on occasion as well and that shocked me too. I had hoped a teacher at almost retirement age would be more equipped to do a better job, but it was like she was following a script, that didn’t care who the actors were or what the movie was about. The volunteers, who were mothers just looking for something to do to fill their day while their own kids were in school, did most of the work and were always telling the kids, don’t do this or don’t do that all the time. Don’t even get me started on that rope thing to form a line as if they were livestock.

Considering all this and other extenuating factors we moved away to another Middle Eastern country. She didn’t stop asking to go back to that country and her friends for a year and sometimes she still does when she feels sad about something. Then, I feel like the worst mother ever.  Last year I enrolled her in French classes at a French school on the evenings twice a week. She loves it and has fun. Private piano classes at home once a week. She goes swim for 45 mins on the Saturday and Ballet once a week also for 45 mins, she has participated in 2 public shows so far. When she went out on the stage for the first time, my husband and I were so nervous, but she wasn’t in the slightest and pulled it off as if she was born doing it. I figured all those activities was a nice way for her to interact with other children. Sometimes I think about dropping one, but she loves them all. This country is better, but not ideal for outdoor time either. Honestly I think if  we just had a nice big green backyard, that would have done wonders (I miss green), but we don’t, so we make the best of what we do have thank God and our vacations, which are usually about 3 times for the year. We travel the world basically. We try to do more ‘adventure’ type vacations now. We have let her do things anywhere from feeding and bathing elephants in the wild, horseback riding, she has gone hiking and slept in a tent in the jungle, just ran free and happy in acres of beautiful gardens at hotels we have stayed and many other such things. She gets so exhilarated and I see a truly free happy child who can’t stop going on about her days.

It’s really tough at home sometimes though. I sometimes feel like an alien here  because people look at me so strangely when I say homeschool. All the expat children go to school. She has made about 2 friends from ballet. We go to the occasional birthday party or social events, but, no regular play dates because everybody has their life.

I am recovering from an abdominal surgery I have put off for too long and the place is about 110 F most days during the summer, plus everyone has gone away for vacation. We won’t be able to go until month’s end. One of the perks of homeschooling – traveling without worry of missing classes. I am trying hard, but sometimes I feel her frustration and she is fussy some days because I really can’t do as much as she is used too. She misses just simply sitting on my lap or racing me around the house. She still brings a ton of books for me to read and I do my best otherwise.

Finally, for those who managed to read through my extremely long post. My concern is really about her having friends. She used to be glad to say how many friends she had and call all their names. Now, I worry that she will feel lonely, or she is missing out on that. I personally, grew up with 5 siblings before me and went to public school but was still and still to a point a loner. As a child I spent most of my days in the backyard, watched mostly documentaries on nature and on anything really, so I rarely felt like I fit in with other children because their interests didn’t interest me and that was and has always been so for me; content to do my own thing. But, her life is not mine, and she is well liked by her teachers and the kids of all her classes. She is the child that is missed when she is not there, all the kids know her name.

Should I be worried about her having friends to call her own?. To be able to play group games and such things. Will she always feel lonely? We might be here for at least another 2 years and homeschooling is not really known around here. Is the once in a while play with friends enough?, especially with no really nice outdoor adventures to be had. Am I worrying for nothing?

Is there anyone out there homeschooling or home schooled an only child away in solitude/isolation (for want of a better words) like me? Did they turn out ok?