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Foreign Adoption: How did YOU pay for it?
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We had three bio kids and lost our 4th baby mid-term. That made foster-adopt out for us; I had a baby-shaped hole in my heart and needed to know that our newest child would be staying. We knew, as jawgee said, that domestic adoption is very expensive – amazingly, moreso than foreign – with people waiting in long lines to adopt healthy infants, and we knew of many people who’d had birthmothers change their minds and take babies back after months. We’d already had three healthy babies and we felt, as we prayed, that our child would have a medical special need. As we prayed our way around the world – including the US – we learned that little boys wait longer for families, and that if they have a medical issue, are not white, and reach toddler age, their chances of finding a family drop dramatically. We knew then, our child would be a toddler boy (we had no idea there would be three of them, eventually!).
But ultimately, why did we choose to adopt from a foreign country and not “our own”? Because they’re all God’s children and we didn’t feel confined by country boundaries. Because Korea is where God told us our children were. 🙂
Blessings,
Aimee
Ladies out of sheer curiosity, and no judgement intended may I ask why adopting an infant is so important to you all…there are many older children here in the US and abroad that would love a mommy and daddy – is there some special reason why this does not appear to be an option/choice for many of you? I understand the bonding with an infant and all, and the behavior issues that come sometimes with older children, but to me the older ones are really hurting and need a mom and dad desperately…if I was in a position to adopt I think that is what I would do, but I am now too old and do not have the finances. I am just wondering if there is a reason, it is not meant to be a criticism, so please don’t take it that way:))) Linda
We have two birth children and then decided to adopt two more… one from Haiti and one from Guatemala. Adoption is one wild ride. I can’t imagine my life or my family without any of my children. We had no money for adoption and we came into contact with an organization Lifesong for Orphans. They view adoption as a ministry and every ministry has a cost. Just like everyone is not called to go to a foreign land as a missionary, not everyone is called to adopt. BUT we fund missionaries. Why not fund people rescuing children. We all know that once we get them here, we can afford to raise them. The biggest obstacle is how to get them here. So we did fundraising and were shocked at how God took care of everything. We paid very litte. There are a lot of people out there with a heart for adoption that would love to give, but don’t know how. This organization has great ideas and even matching loans (not sure how it works if you’re in Canada). PLEASE don’t let finances deter you. You’ll see God work in miraculous ways.
As for how we decided to do international… both of our children just dropped down in front of us. Our son was here on a medical visa getting a heart procedure performed and his biological mom didn’t want him back. She couldn’t care for him. We knew the people he was staying with and he was in our home three weeks later. My husband found our daughter on a mission trip to Guatemala in an orphanage. Our next one will be state-side. Our hearts are for older children and there are LOADS of those in the foster care system who will be turned out when they are 17 with no one to help them in their next stage of life.
Regardless of where you find your children, God is about the business of placing people in families and it is such a beautiful picture of what He has done for us…
I can only speak for myself, as adoption is a very personal journey. We adopted internationally because that’s where our son was. We had very specific direction from the Lord that this particular child was a part of our family. Aside from that, the State of California told us they would not approve us for adoption because we are a military family and thus had an “undesirable” home life. Our son was 2 1/2 at the time of his adoption. Although God led us to him, we did want an older child because we knew they were harder to place and wanted to help where the demand was not as high.
We’d love to adopt again and are praying about it constantly.
Linda,
Our son turned 6 two weeks after we got home. Yes, we started out requesting a one year old girl. We have all boys and all nephews so we just logically concluded that’s what we should do. LOL! God’s plans are always perfect and Daniel is such a blessing to our family! He was born with a cleft lip/palate, has already had one surgery while here and will have another next year. If we adopt again we will adopt older children. Our only requirement is that we want to keep birth order. We don’t want to adopt children older that the ones we have, so right now that means under 8.
“Ladies out of sheer curiosity, and no judgement intended may I ask why adopting an infant is so important to you all…there are many older children here in the US and abroad that would love a mommy and daddy – is there some special reason why this does not appear to be an option/choice for many of you?”
It sounds to me like most of the gals who’ve responded have adopted children past infancy, some much older. Our three youngest were between 21 months and three when they came home, waiting due to “special needs”. It also sounds like each family has been clearly led in a different direction, because that’s where their children were. All orphans, of all ages in all countries, are loved by God, are hurting, and all clearly need a mommy and daddy; it is good that God has given different families hearts to search for their children in different places.
Ladies out of sheer curiosity, and no judgement intended may I ask why adopting an infant is so important to you all…there are many older children here in the US and abroad that would love a mommy and daddy – is there some special reason why this does not appear to be an option/choice for many of you? I understand the bonding with an infant and all, and the behavior issues that come sometimes with older children, but to me the older ones are really hurting and need a mom and dad desperately…if I was in a position to adopt I think that is what I would do, but I am now too old and do not have the finances.
It is generally not recommended that you adopt a child out of birth order – that is, older than any of the children already in your family. Since our children were 5 and 18 months when we began our journey, that didn’t leave many options.
Also, in Korea generally the children are young, with most being under a year old. Our daughter came home when she was 8 months old. We had expected that we would be matched with a son, but we were head-over-heels in love when we saw the picture of the little girl that we were matched with! God had incredible blessings in store for us!
Ah I see about the not adopting older than your other children, that makes sense – but I think if that is the rule then it must often mean a lot of children or teens never get a home, and that is rather sad. I am always thrilled when a child infant is adopted, but I feel very bad for those languishing in orphanages because they don’t meet the age criteria or some other reason. I was already in my 50s by the time we left the military and had stopped moving, so we did not pursure it. Kudos to those who do, the children are surely blessed. Good luck to all those trying.
We also get asked all the time why we chose to adopt from another country and not “here”. I agree with the previous poster that it is usually very negative.
It’s hard to say until you take the adoption plunge, you are just pulled or drawn. Domestic adoption would not have worked for us as we did not want another newborn, we experience that three times. After three newborns my DH had enough of waking in the middle of the night. It was also very important that we kept our new child younger than our youngest currently was so that meant under 4yrs old. Our age range was 1.5-3 years old, and we actually ended up adopting a 3.5 year old, so slightly older than we thought and actually considered an older child adoption according to the agencies. We also knew that special needs was the route we were called to go. We looked into adoption from foster care but there was no way we would be able to adopt a toddler in our age range, they are usually older. God led us to China when I thought it wasn’t possible at all.
God knows where he wants us to go to add to our families, same as he knows where he wants missionaries to go to spread the good news.
I have a heart for special needs kids and in the future would love to adopt a child with down’s syndrome. Of course, most people think I’m crazy.
There are a lot of people who adopt older children!
In fact, we go to church with a couple who is adopting a 16 year old from the foster system.
Also, when we were in China we were accompanied by a couple adopting a young boy of 13 with Albinism who was aging out of the system. There was also a lady adopting a 6 year old and a 12 year old. Come to think of it, 3/4 of the people on our trip were adopting older children.
The agency who did our adoption with is a huge advocate for older children and offers grants for them.
We didn’t adopt an infant any time. Our children were adopted at 3 years old, 10 years old, 5 years old and 2 years old (in that order).
We also adopted two boys and two girls.
EVERYWHERE (US domestic, foster care, international), girls are CHOSEN 8 to 1 over boys. I do not know why. It is one of the biggest mysteries to me.
Families with only daughters want another daughter. Families with only sons want a daughter. Families with both want a daughter. Families with no children want a daughter.
I just don’t get it.
As to why China, all of our children were born with special needs, namely congenital heart disease. Our two girls would not have lived ot adulthood (and first daughter nearly died before we could get her home) without being adopted.
Here in the US, medical care IS available. It was not for our girls in China.
Why China? That is where God told us our children were waiting.
Here is a link to our first adoption journey. God performed miracles and wonders before our eyes as He brought our girl out of the hospital in China and safely home to the US where she had miraculous, life-saving heart surgery just 6 days after we arrived in the US with her.
**You can click in the bottom right of the little screen to make it larger.**
After her adoption, we went back for our two sons, also born with heart disease, and then again for our baby girl, also born with a single ventricle heart just like her big sister.
I would love to adopt a child from US foster care with heart disease, but as of yet God has never led us down that path.
We completely messed up our birth order…but God was clearly in it. We had a 6 year old and a 1 year old. When we adopted our son (Haiti), he became our oldest at 7. Then a few years later, we adopted our daughter (Guatemala). She was 7. So our family looked like this… oldest Pete (Haitian) 10, Wesley (oldest birth child) 9, Abby (Guatemalan) 7, and Katy (our birth daughter) 6. It was difficult at times, and still is, but their basic personalities never changed.
I’m not sure I’d recommend it for everyone, but as someone mentioned before… these were clearly MY kids. It didn’t matter their ages or where they fell in the birth order. If God has a child out there for you, you’ll find him/her at exactly the right moment in their journey. Do I wish I could have seen my kiddos all chubby… without teeth… learning words? Sure. Did I have to mourn that I missed that in their lives? Absolutely. But God has a plan for my children and He didn’t check with me to see if it fit my plans ! 🙂 I’m just so glad I have them now…
We disrupted birth order as well. Our son, whom we adopted at 10 years old, became our 2nd oldest (of 5 children at the time; now we have 6 :).
I don’t recommend it; but like the previous poster, we knew God led us to him.
We actually did virtual twinning as well when we adopted our then 10YO son and adopted our then 5YO son (at the same time). Yeah we broke a lot of “rules” by adopted out-of-birth order, two unrelated children and bringing home a “twin” (all at the same time!).
Our “twins” are a son and daughter, just 4 months apart in age, but adopted 21 momths apart.
Are we crazy? yeah I think so.
Life is crazy, blessed and busy! I {heart} adoption. If ANYONE has a question you aren’t comfortable asking here, PLEASE PM me. I am HAPPY to share. And like someone else said, most of us APs don’t mind answering the “why foreign?” “why infant?” and other questions when asked in love (as they have been here).
God leads us all on different paths, but I fully believe He calls us all to care for orphans in a tangible way. If you are looking for an organization that you could partner with, i have several I could point you to. I won’t post links here b/c I’m not sure that is allowed, but there are some great ways to help children who have no family of their own (and to also help families with sick children get them the medical care they desperately need, which is near and dear to my heart since all of ours were in need of medical care when abandoned).
Lovely posts and thank you for all the stories of your children…I think it is wonderful what you are all doing, andI have never met anyone who has adopted here, though I knew people in Europe and England who did. So your stories are both interesting and inspirational…I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. We started being involved with the Dr Barnardo charity in the UK when we were living there, they do wonderful work and we still support them, so we can all do something for children even if we cannot adopt/foster. Again thanks for the kind explanations.
Yes, thank you for letting me hijack the thread. I appreciate all the stories. I have seen how the domestic adoptions can be good and bad. I am grateful that the Lord can work His miracles and put families together by way of adoption. Your stories are amazing.
@Sahmamma – my little sister had Down’s. I would love to adopt a Down’s child too. They are beautiful!
@4myboys – I hope that you can find some hope and ways to help your friend. Hang on faith and the way will come.
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