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Food rules for family?
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Are your kids allowed to eat “whatever offered” when visiting family? Are those family visits frequent?
Thanks!
Dana
Nope. We have rules for a reason and family knows what our food rules are. We are always willing and volunteer to bring food to make things easy on those we visit. Some don’t have a problem sticking to our food rules (which include one child’s serious/deadly allergy to eggs as well as one child’s sensitivity to food dyes where we get tantrums for days if she eats dyes). Others have us bring food or we get together without food involved.
Are the visits frequent? Not so much anymore. We’ve grown to 7 kids and most of our extended family prefers to come to our house where the kids are in their own element and there is a table big enough for all to eat, etc.
Do you mean unsupervised while they’re with family (like in-laws leave the kids and go somewhere) or meaning without your supervision??
My kids are at my in-laws/family’s frequently (without us) but supervised while they are there. In one household the food offered is not very nutritious (but I don’t feel as if we are much better sometimes, but our kids do not drink soda but on rare occasions and I don’t let them have cookies all day 😉 They are allowed to eat what they want, to a degree, and we don’t make it a big deal. Now if our dc had food allergies, like Tristan mentioned, then that would be a different story altogether. Or, if we were like most of the ladies on the forum who stick to a more “whole foods” diet, then we would have to take all of that into consideration.
HTH
For me, it would depend on the reasons for the food rules….
Our kids can mostly eat whatever during family visits, except a few things that are against our religion. They have been at familiy without us occasionally – but not much family lives near us!
I do have to say I was slightly disappointed with my son the other day at cubs… they were having a halloween party, and when I came back (I left for about half of it), he was drinking something against our religion…. I had to have a talk with him about it. sigh. I will admit he hasn’t had much experience turning down things he isn’t supposed to have (although it was them just grabbing what they wanted.) sigh/grrr.
Mine are with one grandma/grandpa regularly because of all the medical appointments baby Mason has. That is at my house because their little house just isn’t kid proof and has nothing for the kids to do. 😉 When my sister and her husband and kids live here (they’re military, so not right now) we do their house and they do ours and kids get watched by each mom as needed.
Other grandparents and extended family – no. Not at all.
With the religious food rules, no, but my parents know it and respect and do not offer them.
With other things, they don’t offer them soft drinks and they buy healthier versions of common snacks so they can offer them goodies they wouldn’t normally have-but with better ingredients. So other than PaPa (my dad) taking them to Dairy Queen whenever he gets a chance, it’s not a problem; as long as there are no colorful sprinkles or other sweets with artificial dyes or my dd will be bouncing off the walls. My parents found out very quickly why we have these food rules with how it affects my dd. Thankfully, my parents and sister observe most of the same restrictions.
The only time my children stayed at my parents without supervision was when I was in the hospital and my mom asked my permission to spank if necessary-which I gave permission to do. That was years ago. My mom has a chronic health condition and having them together without me can be overwhelming for her; plus my sister lives there and is a practicing pagan, so they don’t spend alone time with her.
With my adopted dd’s behavioral issues, we never felt very comfortable leaving her without our supervision.
My kids do not have any allergies and have been taught to eat what is served them. This holds true when we visit those whose food our kids’ dislike or those who serve less nutritious food. At home, we try to eat healthily and lots of whole foods, but food should not be an idol. I’ve seen many people in the last few years fall into what I would consider an unhealthy attachment to certain dietary choices. I understand the importance of eating well, but it should not come at a cost to relationships with others. Short of allergies and sensitivities, I do not dictate what others feed my children. If my children spent considerable time with grandparents or others who ate drastically different from us, I would likely send meals with my kids and/or talk with the family about our preferences. However, a few visits per month do not concern me, even if my kids are fed less nutritious processed food or even junk.
As to the other question, regarding time spent with relatives, I think that answer is unique to different family circumstances. My kids (11, 8, 5, almost 3) spend time alone with grandparents and aunts/uncles and some friends, but rarely overnight overnights are at my husbands’ parents or his sister and brother-in-laws only for us.
The thing I do most with regards to the issue of family visits is pray. Having said that, my kids rarely visit extended family without me around because the visits are usually connected to the holidays or special occasions. We live with my dad (their grandpa) and my mom died before they were born. Their dad’s parents live several hours away, so they usually only see them once a year while accompanied by their dad.
However….they visit their dad at least twice a week, and that’s one I wish would be a different environment. I’m never there since we are separated, their dad lives with his girlfriend, there is unchecked foul language, inappropriate movies and video games, and generally inappropriate conversations about very private issues (if you kwim). *Sigh* But this I can do little about….so I pray–often, as unceasingly as I can.
I do not want them in this environment, but it is important for them to build and maintain relationships with their father. I have spoken with a couple of attorneys, one of them a Christian, who have told me that I would get nowhere opposing his living situation in court since both judges in our jurisdiction who would hear the case are very liberal and do not have a problem with unmarried people living together, and the rest would be my word against his. Plus, the Christian attorney stated that these judges (and any successful liberal attorney) would likely take the position that my religious influence on my children is harmful.
This is a sad society we live in at times, is it not?
I also have children with food allergies and sensitivities. They are not allowed to eat what ever is offered because it could cause a trip to the emergency room. I often times worry when I have left them when visiting because family members have said it was OK to eat the foods he is allergic to. Then, later I have had behavior problems or have had to give my child Benedryl because he was itching himself to death. He does know his triggers but because other family members don’t want to believe he has such allergies he pays. He does ask and he does know how to read labels. In the past I would have more problems so I wouldn’t let him stay. If he did it wasn’t for very long. Now that he is older he knows better. He knows how he feels after he has eaten things he questions. We don’t visit often so I just try to get threw the trip without any food problems. My husband, myself, and his siblings can immediately tell if he has gotten a hold of anything. Sometimes it may take a few hours but we can tell….
Like Tristan we have red heads with severe issues and behavioral problems with all dyes especially Red 40. It is no joke when they get a hold of something. I agree it last for days!!! I wish they would ban all dyes like they do in Europe. It would make life a little bit easier. 🙂
Just my $.02
What Christie said. I wish my parents would quit buying the strawberry crush that my son drinks over there (for the food dye). But I’m not going to isoloate myself from them. They know how I feel and won’t quit buying it. I’ve told my son I would prefer he not drink it and he would never get it here, but honestly my DH feeds them more junk too, which is a whole other topic. My thoughts are short of allergies, it is not that big of a deal on occasion.
I’m just very thankful that my parents and sister are of the same mind regarding food (my mom and sister also have sensitivities to additives and preservatives causing mood swings and migraines) and on those where we disagree, they are respectful of us as the parents and don’t offer them, so it’s not a big deal. Of those things that they can find healthy substitutes for, they offer them and it’s stuff I wouldn’t normally purchase, so it’s a special treat at MaMa’s and PaPa’s house.
They are allowed to eat whatever is offered. We don’t have any allergies or religious rules to follow, so it isn’t a factor. My parents and in-laws don’t go overboard feeding the kids junk, so that’s not really an issue either. I allow them more treats when we have company and they look forward to it. We allow treats like ice cream or cookies a couple nights a week. We also let them have soda or lemonaid when we go out to eat. We try to eat fairly heathy the rest of the week…I think it’s all about balance.
My DS did have some sensitivities to red dye when he was a toddler, so I told our relatives to avoid giving him that and it wasn’t an issue.
Thanks! We moved into a house next to my in-laws so my ds4 runs up there a lot. We try to eat healthy but they are cramming him full of junk to the point that he won’t eat meals. We’ve asked them not to feed him without asking first, etc but they just ignore us and do what they want. I’m trying to find a balance… I want my children to eat healthy food and create healthy habits and also have a relationship with his grandparents. Sigh…
Thanks again!
Dana
Oh dear, Dana; you’re definitely going to have to establish some boundaries. If they won’t listen to you then perhaps your husband will need to address it adamently since they’re his parents. It starts with disrespecting you in this area and then it will be in other areas later. Your son will know that he can get away with disobeying you with his grandparents and that doesn’t work well for the child and parent relationship; not to mention the deveopment of your son’s character.
G-d bless you and your husband for knowing that you must address this head on before it worsens. Talk together and pray.
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