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First Year Homeschooling, Whining & Resistance
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Hello. This is my first year homeschooling my sons, ages 9, 7, and 6. My 9 and 7 year-olds are adapting reasonably well, but my 6-year-old is not. Before we even get started each day, he insists that everything is “too hard” and that he “can’t do it.” He’s ALWAYS had this approach, even when we attempted his public school homework. He got through the 1st grade (young for his grade) but had difficulties with math, reading, and spelling. So when I selected CM materials for him, I selected materials to review and solidify what he already learned at public school. So essentially, he’s repeating 1st grade.
To be clear, the materials are not too difficult for him like he says they are, but appropriately mind-stretching. He just doesn’t want to do it! When I have him sit in time-out until he gains self-control and is ready to proceed, then he gets through everything just fine. But it doesn’t happen without his whining and negative affirmations daily. I do not want to exasperate him, but I don’t want to let him get away with this blatant lack of motivation either. What can I do??
Thank you so much in advance.
I’m going to be really honest with you. He’s 6. And he’s already burned out on forced learning because he did 2 years of public school (assuming you didn’t do preschool, if you did it’s even more time). Self-control isn’t what he’s learning when you stick him in time out until he stops complaining. He’s learning to just get the work done because homeschool is just like public school was – boring and forced.
Now, please hear me out. This can all be changed. Truly, it is possible to help him find a love for learning again. Here is how I would go about it:
1. Cancel lessons for 3-6 months. Really. He needs to decompress and rediscover that he loves learning. So he needs no formal lessons pushed on him for a good, solid time.
2. Begin to introduce into his path things you know he’ll be interested in. Order a few science materials to play around with (magnifying glass, rocks, pocket microscope, a bug kit like raising butterflies or ladybugs, etc). Go to a nature area (woods, trails, river, lake, etc) and just enjoy it. No assignments, no formal teaching, just explore. Find a stack of interesting books at the library with fantastic pictures (photographs) on things he likes or might like (a book about insects, about trains, about platypus, trees, boats, legos, giraffes, eagles, etc). Pull out Legos and build something yourself (or playdoh or whatever he likes to play with). Get out bubbles and pipe cleaners and let him try to make bubble wands. Have him help you cook or bake. Hand him a spray bottle and have him dust or ‘wash windows’. Pull out paints and make new colors, paint things, and enjoy it. Play all sorts of board games and card games together. You will be surprised at how much logic and math come into games.
3. Get an audio book to listen to during one of the quieter moments of the day (maybe painting, maybe before bed). Or read aloud to him, but he may accept it better as an audio book at first. Just listen to a chapter and shut it off for the next day. Even do it in the car if that is the best place for him.
4. Put up something new on the wall (some interesting painting, just a paper copy). Change it every couple days. It becomes something for him to discover – when will it change? what will it be next?
5. Listen to him. When he wants to talk your ear off about some toy or game or thing that bores you to tears listen and give positive feedback. I know more about Minecraft than I would ever care to, and Legos, and reptiles – because one or more of my 9 children are passionate about the topic. But if I listen to them when they are passionate, ask intelligent questions, and listen to their answer they begin to bring me all sorts of questions. Many of those become opportunities to look up the answer (aka – learn!) because I don’t know. So I say that – “I have no idea but let’s find out!” My 7 year old asked how big a baby ostrich is about 3 weeks ago. So we found photos of a baby next to it’s parent. And it led to all sorts of conversation and learning that he wanted to do. He wanted to make his own card about ostriches (think baseball trading card) so I helped him spell out what he wanted.
Now, after several months of this you can add 1 thing in. JUST 1. Make it simple. Make it low-key. And then a week later add another. Alternate between something you think he’ll enjoy and something he probably wouldn’t volunteer to do. Keep these more formal lessons short – 10 minutes each. I don’t care if he hasn’t finished the math page, stop and put it away for the next day. Set a timer and honor it.
Remember, he’s 6. You have more than a decade ahead to teach and learn together. Take the time now to reignite his love of learning or you will be fighting this battle for more than a decade.
And pour love into him all the time!
((HUGS)) I know you’re excited to do homeschooling, but he’s not sure that it’s really going to be any better (read: more fun and interesting) than public school was. Back up and find the fun of learning together.
I haven’t even started homeschooling my three little ones yet, but I still found this response so encouraging. Thanks for all the excellent ideas, Tristan.
Thank you, Tristan. You’ve certainly given me some great points to think about. I really, really appreciate all your helpful input. Blessings to you.
Having had my oldest dc in ps for a couple of years, I remember the first days (literally, the first 2 days) feeling as if we were getting further behind every minute. Especially, when it felt like we had zero accomplished because I was still trying to wrap my head around what the Lord had asked me to trust Him through. The anxiety and stress was a bit much, to say the least. Not trying to say that our kids aren’t worth the stress and anxiety, but, there is a learning curve that takes place for both mom/dad and child. On our 2nd day of homeschooling, I phoned my husband to tell him that it was a mistake to do this, I’m not cut out for this, I just can’t do it! He calmly reminded me that it was only day two and that i needed to give it some time.
Thinking back, it was so overwhelming and I wanted to do right by my kids, but now I’m kind of giggling cause I have awesome kids who are doing so well!! Well, now my oldest will be a senior next year and he’s doing great. Has a job, manages his own money, most of his own affairs, appointments, gas money, you name and he probably manages it on his own, enjoys his school work, etc.
Please don’t take and of this as me minimizing your concerns, because I’m not. I completely understand (I think) and only wish I had taken the time, like Tristan mentioned, to allow my son to enjoy the difference homeschooling can make in a person’s life. But, coming from a ps mindset and having had no plans to homeschool, it was a lot to take in when I pulled him out of school.
Enjoy this time, it does go by rather quickly, even if the days seem to drag on and on 🙂
Tristan said it all!
When my second son was 6, he had about 30 minutes of school work each day and then he spent upwards of 3 hours outside. He collected bugs and salamanders, climbed trees, built forts, explored looking for birds’ nests and berries, and just enjoyed himself.
He’s almost 11 now. He will never be a bookworm or what someone would call “studious,” because he requires hands-on activities to learn something well. That’s just how he learns. And while I always question whether we are doing enough, I can tell you that on his state-required standardized testing this year, he tested several years above his grade level in each subject.
Don’t push your little one to the point that he comes to resent learning. Snuggle up on the couch with a great living book about science and just savor it, do some fun learning such as might be found in Five in a Row books, spend lots of time outdoors exploring. Lay out the feast, so to speak, and let him lead you for the year!
Oh, and Tristan mentioned board games. That same son I mentioned loves board games. They are one of his favorite things and a great way that I can spend time with him on something he loves.
When he was 6, we spent lots of time on game like Money Bags, Sum Swamp, Go Fish, Memory Game Birds of North America , and even (his favorite) Monopoly.
Another rainy day activity that he enjoyed was audio books.
There are so many great responses here! I completely empathize with where you are coming from. When I started homeschooling my daughter in kindergarten (she’s now in second), I had a ps mindset of how it should look and I hadn’t heard of Charlotte Mason at the time. Unfortunately, I was the one that burned her out on her natural love of learning. Thankfully God gave me the wisdom to do as Tristan suggested and give her a break – we did very little for 4-6 months other than explore and spend lots of time outdoors and reading. After finding Charlotte Mason methods, I very gradually introduced a new subject or habit every few weeks (still introducing some!), and it’s going so well. Our relationship has improved, her natural sense of wonder has returned, and we enjoy our days thoroughly. I also had to realize that for her age, she was (and is) totally fine, and just meet her where she is. I’ve also found so much encouragement here, as I hope you do!
Anyway, that’s just my experience but I hope that it helps because it sounds like my daughter and your son have/had very similar responses (she said and sometimes still does say the things your son does). Like everyone said, just be patient and enjoy the time. 🙂
I’m truly grateful for all this feedback. I hesitate, however, because we reside in New York State, where the homeschooling laws are very stringent. I have to submit quarterly reports and am not sure how “we’re taking a break” will go over. Can anyone advise me on that? Thank you all so much.
Hopefully someone can help with record keeping for NY. You can start by keeping a daily log of what you do. So much of what we do in daily life is educational-movies, outside play, exercise, cooking, etc.
Another way to keep track is to check off a scope and sequence list. Those make me anxious, so I avoid them.
I have a very active 2nd grader who resists lessons that I schedule. What works best for her is to schedule subjects, and give her a daily choice of the content. For example, math is scheduled daily. She chooses two options from our math choices list each day. Right now her choices are a Christian Light math lesson, a Life of Fred lesson, a math literature book read to her such as “Spaghetti and Meatballs for All, or a math game (mostly card games).
We will not be moving as quickly through Christian Light as I want, but it is better than dragging her through a lesson with whining and constantly redirecting her. When she chooses what we are doing, she pays attention:)
I am praying that she grows out of this, but we will see.
Hope this helps.
Ok, I just looked up what a quarterly report in NY involves on Homeschool Legal Defense Association. They say you’ll include the number of hours of instruction for the quarter (time spent on learning activities: be open to this including nature study, PE, playing games, reading/listening to books/looking a books, art/drawing/crafting/creating, listening to music, visiting places like library, zoo, etc, doing real life math (how many more plates do we need? how many muffins will be left if we each eat two? which is greater or less? etc)), a description of the material covered in each subject (I’ll talk about this in a moment, you have specific subjects in NY, but a description can be simple: the student is learning about ____, the student is doing hands on exploration of _____ ), and a grade or narrative evaluation in each subject (THIS is important – you want to give a grade because then you don’t need to explain that you’re learning money math and addition and subtraction by playing monopoly, or that you are looking at art you hang up and listening to music on drives to different places for art and music, etc. They don’t care HOW you are teaching so long as you give a grade for the subjects and a description of the material he’s learning in each subject – he’s practicing addition and subtraction including money, he’s studying insects and the difference between living and nonliving things (during nature study, they don’t have to know, or during raising bugs, or looking a rocks and plants to see what’s different).
So what you are going to do, mostly, is record what the things he is already doing because they are fun and interesting, or the things your audio book is teaching about (great way to fit some history in) after the fact each day. Journal it. And at the end of each week take a moment to jot down what subjects those things fit under so you see what topics he’s learning about in your required subjects.
Required subjects for you in NY in 1st-6th grade, with my notes about how to fulfill during this break period:
Arithemetic (board games, card games, cooking)
Reading, spelling, writing, English (these 4 get covered when you look at and listen to and read books, when he helps you jot down a note for a friend or a list for the grocery store and you help him spell something, or when you play a word game like apples to apples and talk about what words mean or why we say something one way and not another)
Goegraphy, US History (listen to a book that is set in the US in history, visit places and talk about where they are, where loved ones and friends and missionaries you know live, visit a local place and talk about it’s history)
Science, health (explore nature, build things and knock them down (physics), talk about germs and why we wash hands before we cook or eat, about ways we can keep our bodies strong)
Physical education (play outdoor games, toss a ball, learn about a sport, go for walks, hikes, swim, ride a bike, go bowling, etc)
Music (listen to different music in the car or in the house and ask what he thinks about it, or share what you think)
Visual arts (put a new picture up each week to look at, draw/paint/craft/create, show him how to take photographs with a camera or cell phone, look at the art on the walls of places you visit, study an interesting illustration in a book, talk about color and line and shapes, visit a museum or art exhibit)
TA DA! Hopefully that gets you thinking of what would work for you. A lot of it will be a combination of journaling what he does and then using that to help you gauge what to introduce in a picture or field trip or outdoor exploration or audio book or library book to fill in gaps he isn’t naturally gravitating to on his own.
Tristan, I thank God for you. Thanks so much for giving me some clarity. I’m a single mother with a home-based business, all the while trying to do this for the first time for all 3 of my young sons, so all the specifics re: NYS have been a bit overwhelming. I can’t express how much I appreciate your time and effort in responding to my post. Thank you.
You are super welcome! It’s overwhelming sometimes, but you came to a great place. It’s a breath of fresh air here. You can do this! And you’ll even love it – as will your sons.
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