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First Grade and Difficult Child
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<p style=”text-align: left;”>So I realize we’ve only just begun our schooling, but when I started prepping years ago I read about all these lovely experiences other families were having, how their children enjoyed learning and what a precious time it was for them. My 6 year old boy has always been stubborn and unmotivated to do anything unless he’s in control and we’ve struggled with that since the week we brought him home from the hospital. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, but I do wonder if there is something I’m not doing quite right. He starts off by resisting saying the Pledge. He falls over during “drill” because “it’s too hard” (I’ve broken it down to things like standing up straight because that seemed difficult). He can’t write a straight line to save his life. He hates sight reading the CM way and appears unable to remember any words learned in that method although he’s doing ok with Alphaphonics. He point blank refuses to narrate, even if I try to make it seem like a discussion. He does like math so far, but he resists French, dislikes poetry, tolerates solfa, hates going outside unless it’s 78 and sunny (we live near Cleveland), puts zero effort into drawing, complains about folk songs and classical music. In short, each day feels a bit like a slog and is not the beautiful learning experience I had so hoped for. It would undoubtedly go better if I got in the habit of waking earlier and getting us started earlier, but my five month old still has me up many times a night and doesn’t nap consistently. Add to that an emotional three-year-old who refuses to potty train or nap and you bet I feel frustrated. I know good things take hard work and patience. I guess I just wonder if this is all normal or if I’m missing something. I feel like there should be more peace and joy in our day. But my oldest only seems happy if I’m spending at least an hour each day playing what he wants, his way (which I rarely do – although I try to spend some time daily playing with them. It just never seems to satisfy his need.) What can I do differently?</p>
Honestly, I think boys are just not great at sitting still early on. Six is young, and I would not stress about getting all of your CM subjects done. One of Sonya’s recent blog posts mentioned, “Layers.” She was talking about implementing CM methods in layers, adding as you go. I feel like that is such a brilliant and practical way to look at each year. We’ve slowly added in music study, foreign language, and other enrichment areas. When my son was 6 yrs, I had a baby, and our baby had major surgery when she was one month old. Sometimes you prioritize what you can get done … maybe gently rotate enrichment, if there is time. Habit training was one thing that has really helped my son. He’s in 3rd grade, now. First, we started working on getting his morning chores done, neatly and in a timely manner. During homeschool, we worked on short lessons, but with the understanding that you do your best and pay attention, or we will have to try again. He wasn’t up for doing it over again, and now he really gives his best effort. These things took TIME, and I have a two yr old, so I know sometimes you are pulled in different directions, and you’re tired, too. We are always working on a new habit, whether it’s following directions or not complaining. Complaining at our house means deductions from allowance. ☺ Also, I began scheduling subjects intentionally so that they varied. If we sit still for a read aloud, then we would take a 5 minute break, and the next subject would not require sitting still for reading. We would do our hymn, sit on the floor and play a math/learning game, or draw/art lesson. Last year was more peaceful for us, and this year even more so. I have prayed for peace, because the early years were hard as a homeschool mom. Be encouraged. You sound as if you are doing so much and want the best homeschool for your kids.
My heart goes out to you! Age 6 is a very difficult time for many boys. My oldest was in no way ready for formal schooling as you’ve described it. I tried…and then I cried. Why wasn’t it wonder-filled? Why wasn’t he reading like other kids? Why would’t he write well or at least attempt to color within the lines? The answer? He simply wasn’t ready.
Tiffany has a treasure trove of suggestions. I’d encourage you to step back and allow him some growing time. Work on habits, reading books to him. Fill his cup even if this means spending time playing in a way he wants to (within reason of course). My 5.5 yr old currently wants to play pretend dragons, knights, or that he needs to rescue me and put someone in jail. I am convicted over and over when I say “No. I don’t have time,” and I don’t make time later or when the reality is that I just.don’t.want.to.play like that.
You have 2 younger kiddos that are taking much of your time. Your 6 yr old craves that same attention from you in a form different from “formal school.” When we had child #3 my older kids were 7 and 8. I couldn’t believe how hard it was for them and at the moment I was frustrated because I felt that they were selfish. They considered even nursing him as me spending all my time and attention on the baby. I realized that they simply wanted the same attention. When I took to intentionally filling their cups, our home became more peace-filled.
Tiffany mentioned easing into school. I agree with my whole heart. 6 is still young. You have SO may years ahead of you. The journey is long. There will be wonderful moments and there will be moments where you may question yourself. Hold onto the good moments and learn from the hard ones. Find your “why”. Write it down. Read it in those rough moments.
I just wrote a nice long reply and it disappeared. But, what I wanted to say was, thank you both for taking the time to create such thoughtful replies. I needed so many of your reminders.
I lightened up in a big way the past two days and it made a huge difference. We’re going back to handwriting preschool style, pretend playing our stories instead of narrating, making French silly (because boys apparently really need silly?), and trying to let school happen more organically in general. I didn’t get to check everything off my list, but both of the bigger boys were much more cheerful.
Thank you for the reminders to pray for peace and remember why I’m doing this. That really does make all the difference.
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