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First Day – Awful – Feeling so discouraged
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Background:
My kids are 9 yrs (boy), 6 yrs (girl), 4 yrs (boy), and 16 months (boy). We have been homeschooling since the beginning. I really got into Charlotte Mason last summer and last year I did AO yr 2 with my oldest son, and just some basic reading and math lessons with my daughter. I did an extremely basic version though and really didn’t get in on any of the ‘riches’ that a CM education has to offer.
I have always loved reading aloud to my kids, and my two oldest enjoy it very much as well. The 4 yr old is starting to get there. When I had just 1-2 children, I had a great morning time established where I would read a children’s Bible followed by all sorts of other picture books, chapter books, and such as they ate breakfast. My son memorized scripture. We had a short session of lessons at the table. We raised butterflies, gardened, and enjoyed the outdoors together. All was going swimmingly.
I was able to keep it going for the most part until my third child (the one who’s now 4) became a toddler. Then throw a move and another baby in the mix, and for the past couple of years I have not been able to re-establish a routine, and specifically a Morning Time routine that I’ve been able to stick with. Bible reading is sporadic. Scripture memory has stopped. We do still read aloud together, but mostly squeezed into the one hour in the afternoon where the two littlest are napping or in the 30 minutes between when the littles go to bed and when the older two go upstairs. I have been mourning the loss of our Morning Time, and through my sadness, guilt and nostalgia, I have been trying to figure out a way to get it going again with our current family dynamic.
Today
Today was my first day trying to implement my new plan to reclaim Morning Time and incorporate CM riches. Oh, more backstory – we have schooled through the summer, though with a light load, but we took last week off. So, this morning — my plan was to have a Morning Time Jr. with my 4 year old, who wakes up considerably earlier than the other children. Hoping that that would fill his emotional/attention bucket, so to speak, and to cater the material to his level. Then I will have another Morning Time with the two older kids about an hour later. The toddler’s wake up time varies, and does fine with getting woken up too, so I just plan to work him in to the mix at whatever time seems best.
Well the Morning Time Jr. went great. But when it came time for the older kids to have Morning Time, everything fell apart. The 4 yr old was completely disruptive, as usual – making a lot of noise, not willing to leave the area where we were, continually asking questions or telling me he is hungry (he just ate!). The toddler is whining and wanting to sit in my lap. When I let him, he is trying to grab and rip the books in front of me. It was total chaos, and I ended up snapping at the 4 yr old in the middle of singing ‘Come Thou Fount of Many Blessings’ {insert super mama guilt}, and making him cry.
I know it’s just the first day and all, but I have serious doubts about whether I can make this work. My four year old is so… I’m not sure — needy for attention? I’ll tell you this about him, and you will understand: He loves to have his picture taken, but hates to have it taken with his siblings. He loves to be read to, but only if I am reading to just him. He pretty much ignored the existence of his baby brother for the first year of his life, although he is fond of him now. He is fine playing by himself, unless I am doing something with one of his siblings. So, you see what I’m talking about, right?
How can I do this?! I feel frustrated and hopeless. Should I just press on and it will get better? Do you see any big flaws in my plan? Any other ideas? Please help!
Hang in there! My kids are similar ages: almost 9 (b), 6 (g), 4.5 (g), 1 (g). My 4 year old is a challenge as well. I have found what works best for her is for her to have her own independent stuff that she can work on during our together time. She has done things like color by numbers, drawing, dot to dots, etc. She has a binder where she does the calendar (coloring patterns) and a weather graph. After she finishes that, she can get something out of “her drawer” to work on to keep her busy while we do our together stuff. We have worked on her raising her finger when she has something she wants to say/ask, but it’s not perfect by far!
I also have my 2 younger ones play together in the little one’s room to buy myself some more time. You might also have a situation where the bigger 2 need to take turns being with the younger ones while you work with the other one. If you can get the 3 R’s done by taking turns, maybe you can do the together work/morning basket during naptime.
I also like to present being together for school as a privilege for my preschooler. If she can’t cooperate and be (relatively) quiet, she doesn’t get to be with us.
Another comment as I reread your post. I keep my little ones at the table in their booster seats. I try to have them nearby but with an activity to keep them occupied while they listen. It takes some training, and honestly the school stuff might need to be on hold while you focus on establishing these good habits.
You could potentially move the Morning Basket Jr to after the big morning basket so 4yo knows his time is coming later after you “get through” the other stuff. I have my “pre-k” time with my 4yo right after our 1 hour of together work. I have also started on the tail end of breakfast so they are still in their seats.
Bless your heart – it will get better!!!! 🙂
I don’t have a Morning Time and I only have 2 kids (7 and 4) but a couple of thoughts I wanted to tell you. My 4 3/4 year old boy is in-an-out of the room when I’m reading to my daughter but has a homing device to know when it’s table time for handwriting and math and he can seriously derail that time in 60 seconds flat. So I’m about to get 5 boxes and make Mon-Fri boxes for him to only get to use during that 30-45 minutes. I haven’t done it yet so I can’t vouch for it but it seems to be recommended by a lot of moms. Another suggestion would be similar except an activity instead of a box. For example, can you see the kitchen from where you do Morning Time? Could he play in the kitchen sink and that’s the only time he gets to do it? Or a storage box of water on the floor on top of a towel that’s within your eyesight? Then maybe rice or dried peas or even dirt in a box on a towel on different days? It makes a mess…….but I’ve been glad to clean up a mess if it gave me the 20-30 minutes I needed with my daughter. All within eyesight though.
My other suggestion was for Scripture memory. That’s been a huge “not happen” for me but what we’ve started recently and it is working is a weekly Bible verse that we just read at breakfast. I’ve printed them on 4×6 blank notecards so my daughter can have hers to read and re-read. And the 4yo has “his own” although he doesn’t use it. My daughter will spout hers all day long to anyone who will listen. My 4yo doesn’t participate until I ask him to help me say it and then I’m amazed that he’s memorized it. I know you wanted everything in a Morning Time but maybe for awhile you could separate some things out to get them going?
Good luck with your routines. You’ll figure it out although it might take a little finagling to get it just right.
Katherine
Heather..
Oh, how I feel for you! It is so hard when you have a plan, implement it, and it falls apart due to life.:-( We have ALL been there! It is unfortunate it was your first day too; can be discouraging. I feel your plan seems totally doable and should be able to work. Here are some of my thoughts…
I didn’t read anyone else with this opinion, but what came to me was habits. Charlotte always talks about habits being in place before school can actually be productive. In my experience, this is so true. There have been times when I just stopped everything to concentrate on a habit, so our school day could function.
I have a 7, 5 and 3 year old; boy girl boy. I find, when my 3 year old is most disruptive is when he is tired, obviously…or he is lacking attention from me. So, like you, I try to get some one on one time with him at some point in the morning. However, both my 5 year old and 3 year old know that when I am working with 7 year old, they need to find something to do. They sometimes watch, participate etc… They are definitely in the middle of things which is fine. We love that. However, they know they are not to interrupt during a narration/reading or they will end up standing in the corner or picking up poop or something undesirable.
We do a morning time together every morning with devotion, singing, and scripture memory…so, we start off with everyone participating and getting attention from mommy. Then we ‘break out’ so to speak.
I guess I feel having to provide something to occupy my children at all times is not the answer for me. I like them to be able to follow instruction and independently play when I am focusing on my 7 year old. This doesn’t always go perfect and I have definitely had days like yours! Definitely!
However, with your four year old…I think maybe setting some specific boundaries for your time with the olders would be beneficial. Literally communicate to him your plan for the morning and come up with some ways, in advance, you will handle him not honoring them. ie; I want you to play on your own with some …… while I am with your siblings. Or you can play with your brother. What ever ideas you have for him to do…….. If you can’t do this, we will have to do something less fun. Let him know in advance what you need to accomplish and what his role is during that time. (sometimes before I know we are starting something that requires focus and attention (especially days I sense that they are going to be disruptive), I will say to the 5 and 3 year old; we are getting ready to focus on something important and I don’t want any interruptions. Is there anything you need before we do this? Once we start, please don’t interrupt. And I remind them that if they do…’this’ will happen. (For us this is standing in the corner, picking up dog poo, time alone in room etc…)
I have also found having discipline plans for being uncooperative ahead of time is a great way for me to ‘not lose it’ in the heat of a ‘moment’.
I love your plan and I really think if you stick to it, it will work. Maybe by working on some habits and communicating with your kids the plan, it will help the day go more smoothly.
But, there are always going to be those days where things just don’t go right.
Toddlers are another thing. They are the wild card:-) I remember doing a lot of ‘nap time’ school when Owen was a toddler. We did the brunt of our work during morning nap and afternoon. When you have different ages, you just have to find the time where you can get the individual studies done that works best for the family.
Hope this helps!
Blessings,
Renee
Thank you so much for your suggestions! There is wisdom in each suggestion that I want to work on implementing.
At the end of the first day I talked to my 4 yr old about the time I am spending with him and with his older siblings in the morning and what I expect from him. He told me that he wants to listen to what I’m reading to the older ones too. So, as suggested, I gave him an activity he enjoys to do near by us, and that helped quite a bit. I also am working on habits with him so he understands it’s not okay for him to interrupt our reading. Of course that is a long term project.
Several months ago I put together what I call ‘play boxes’ for him to get out and play with when I am working with his siblings, as KMHStore suggested. They did really help, but I’ve let them fall into chaos, so I need to get those back out and reorganize them with some new toys.
Thank you all for ‘talking me off the ledge’!
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