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Finishing a task without dawdling??
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My 6yo twins have a LOT of trouble following through on a task without constant reminders to be on task. For example, while clearing the table – they’ll start by making silly comments while they’re cleaning (not bad, I like that they can make a task fun) which turns into getting distracted into an imaginary play together or if not that then one just wanders off to see what the hamsters are doing… and I have to constantly redirect them to what they are supposed to be doing. Tasks that should take only a few minutes will drag on and on.
Any thoughts on how to respond to the dawdling in a more effective way than just reminding them what they are supposed to be doing? Should I be issuing consequences as well?
I wouldn’t allow speaking or joking UNTIL they prove they can do a task without distraction. Once it is done well and consistently, then I allow chatting, but any silliness resulting in dawdling or distraction equals work without talking at all. The other key is staying in the room to supervise. That is a must in the beginning.
This describes my 8yo dd to a T! It is VERY frustrating isn’t it?
Children like this need constant supervision when given a task, until they can break the habit of dawdling. I think dawdling is a tough habit to break because, in our experience, it has to be replaced by not one, but TWO, positive habits: attention and obedience. They need their habit of attention to carry them all the way through a task without dawdling, and they also need the habit of obedience to remember to do what they ought even though they don’t want to.
For our dd, we have had to just be there, wherever she is, making sure she stays on task. Is this annoying? Usually, because I want to be doing something else that really needs to get done. But, it is more important that I teach her to stay on task, so I have to sacrifice my own time to do this.
Silliness has a time and a place, but we don’t allow outright silliness when a task is given. If they want to sing a fun song or “whistle while they work”, that’s fine, but playing around and being silly creates unnecessary distractions from the task. Now, if dd completes her task in a timely manner and gives her best effort and then has the reward of extra time after, then she is free to be silly during that time. I think if our children are allowed to be silly whenever they want, and mine would be if I allowed it, NOTHING would ever be done. Mine have even brought their silliness to the dinner table, and we had to nip that right away because they weren’t even eating!
We mothers have to give an instruction and then stick around to see that it is carried out fully. As Charlotte said, we should not give a command that we do not expect to be carried out completely. If we give a command, we need to also be there to follow through and make sure the command is carried out. This takes just as much effort on the mother’s part as it does on the child’s part, but it is well worth it. I have to give gentle reminders all the time, such as:
“Please stay focused on what I’ve given you to do.”
“Addie, you may play after you’ve cleared the table. Right now you may only clear the table.”
“I need you to give your full attention to ___________.”
If the child doesn’t receive these reminders and doesn’t stay on task, it is disobedience in our home, and will receive whatever natural consequence fits. So I think you work on obedience and attention, stay present to see the task finished, and give gentle reminders when appropriate.
Hope that helps,
Lindsey
Lindsey, thank you so much! What a well thought out and logical response. Oh how often are my parenting woes at least partially caused by my own laziness or desire for the kids to be able to do things without my immediate supervision. But I realize now that if I were to pick the most important daily tasks and spend a few weeks training them well into how they’re expected to complete the tasks, then afterward we would have much “smoother and easier” days. 😉
Glad I’m not the only one in this boat!
Lindsey, I wish we lived closer – I think our number two kids would be the best of friends – My DD 7 sounds so much like yours!
Great Advice!
My children love to clean to a special song that is upbeat and just the right length of time for the task. A basic timer works too. I remember reading that a timer is like starter fluid. It gets us going until we, eventually all revved up, can finish the job without it.
Yes, thank you Lindsey! I needed that reminder, which I shall accept as a good, swift kick :), to ‘stay present to see the task is finished’. Wow! I have been trying to sneak away to get my work done, and DS is disobedient and inattentive and getting away with it. My fault.
Off to pull Laying Down the Rails from the shelf. Time to start on the next habit!! Looking forward to the coming changes!
Thanks Janell for the song idea!
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