Feeling like a failure

OK…I’m just going to say some things right here and now.

I LOVE Charlotte Mason.  I DO Charlotte Mason…as best I can.

My boys are wonderful and selfish, well-read and total dunces sometimes, compassionate and rude.  Just like I am.  It’s 9:30am and I’m sitting here with wet hair and my boys haven’t had breakfast yet…which is a big deal when you’re 12.

But I do the best I can and some days I do better then others.  Just like in all areas of my life.  It’s just like my sanctification.  It’s three steps forward and two steps back…or even one step forward and ten steps back!

The reason I say all this is that I see SO MANY MOMS beating themselves up over what they feel is less than it should be!  They’re in my library, they’re on the Internet (and so are the “perfect” people.)  Sometimes I wish the Internet didn’t exist.  Conferences even.  We get this picture that those Pinterest photos or FB blurbs are reality.  And they’re not.  We all put our best faces on those things.  We get the idea that the conference speakers never have disrespectful children.  And they do.  We all do.  We are all sinners and failures in some degree.  That’s why we need Jesus.  But we have to shut our eyes to the lies that we are less than our children need.

Every day should begin and end with repentance.  Yep, we messed up.  We repent and try again.

Momma, YOU are right for your children!  Whether or not they go to a “perfect” CM school…YOU are God’s chosen for those little ones.  We simply must say “Get behind me, satan!!!”  and step out in faith and confidence that He will work through us, frail as we are, to accomplish His purposes!

Praying for you today.

I agree with Robin.  I think far too often we expect more from our children and from ourselves than God does.  He doesn’t expect us to be perfect on our own right this minute or even this year or in this lifetime.  We need Him and only with Him can we be considered perfect because we’re relying on His merits.

Does that mean we don’t try at all?  Of course not.  I often remind myself that if I am struggling to do something habit-wise than I need to expect my children to struggle with it because I’ve had decades more practice than them and still can’t get it perfect.  😉

Embrace trying you best.  Embrace failing but getting up and trying again.

At my house habits are always a work in progress.  Part of the challenge at my house is we are always adding a new child to the mix so we’ve got new beginners all the time and kids and parents all along the spectrum in ability to apply a habit.  Right now, for example, I have a few children that are in a pretty good place on the habit of picking up after themselves.  Others, not so much.  I have a few children who are in a pretty good place on the habit of waiting patiently.  Others, not so much.  And you might be surprised just which children are doing poorly with a habit.  My 4 year old is very practiced at waiting patiently, in part because of his exhaustive practice during the hundreds of medical appointments he’s had.  He’s a good one for contentment too.  However his 8 year old brother is not as practiced at waiting patiently, or struggles with it more.  Is there anything wrong with that?  No.  We are where we are.  We keep plugging away, trying, failing, and trying again.

I find that the most important thing for me is to be encouraging.  I truly need to be on my children’s team, lifting them up and encouraging them that it’s okay to make mistakes, but that I know their habit muscles are getting stronger with every time they try.

I also try to be open with my children about when I’m struggling with a habit.  It is good for them to hear me talk about how sometimes it is hard to do ____ for me, or to hear me reminding myself that I can try again, that I’m doing my best and God is going to handle the rest.

All of the replies have been so good! I try and remind myself daily, that God extends a never ending amount of grace and I need to extend that much to myself and my children.

Blessings,
Julie

What has already been said is good. I have felt exactly the same way, many times. I think I can honestly say that I have stopped comparing what we are doing to what everyone else is doing. There is not a mold that every family needs to fit into to have success in homeschooling. Even trying to do everything EXACTLY the way Charlotte Mason did is impossible. She was a school teacher who never married, so she never had children of her own. She was an amazing teacher, but living with a child 24/7 is different than just having them part of the day.

As far as habit training, I can’t believe that she never had struggles with some students in that area, just as we do as parents. But, as homeschoolers, we have sole responsibility in teaching and training our children. When CM sent her children home, what were those children like at home? I’m sure they were not angels. There is not one family out there that does not struggle with something, so no matter how perfect a family may seem, they’re not.

The Bible tells us to ‘forget those things that are behind’ and ‘press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus’. In the end, it isn’t going to matter how well we did teaching CM methods, but have we been faithful in what God has called us to do, and that is teaching our children to live according to God’s Word.