feedback on DD's written narrations

I’d like to get some feedback on some of my 5th grader’s written narrations. Last year she did one written narration every other week on a fable-type story. This year she’s doing one every week on a chapter of a history or literature book. I have not taught her paragraphs at all. Her written narrations are usually 1/2 to 2/3 of wide-ruled notebook page, double spaced (and she writes pretty big). I’m not sure whether I should introduce a writing program next year to improve her writing or hope she continues to improve over time on the written narrations.

(I think this one was from Exploring the History of Medicine by Tiner)
Beriberi
Christian Eijkman was sent to China, Java to search for the cause and cure for beriberi. People thought that germs caused all illnesses. Eijkman discovered that white rice caused beriberi and brown rice cured it. The husks on brown rice have thiamine. Thiamine is a vitamin that the body needs. When people at brown rice, beriberi became a rare illness.

(This one is from The Magician’s Nephew)
The Start of a Friendship
Polly was outside enjoying the nice day when over the fence popped the head of a dirty little boy. He saiad his name was Dickery and they started talking. He told her his mother was very, very sick. They became good friends and went on many adventures together.

(This one is from Cleopatra by Dianne Stanley)
Once there was a man named Octavius. He ruled Rome as an emperor. There in Rome he was made a god. His name was changed to Augustus Caesar. Our month of August is named after him.