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"Family studies" time and table manners
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What does this look like at your house? Tristan, you mentioned doing family studies first thing in the morning at 8:30 with all of your kids in the Large Family post…do you do all of your family studies at this time? If so, in what order? I’m wondering if some of you with some experience and several younger kids in the mix along with older ones, would share how you get this to work at your house. This is the thing that I want very much to be the best part of our day…but it just isn’t! Or at least it isn’t as nice as I’d like it to be. We do history/geography at lunch (I read while they eat) and it usually feels like we’re on the edge of chaos quite a bit of the time (someone needs help with something, then someone doesn’t understand something, then someone didn’t hear something because someone was asking for something, then someone needs to be reminded that we don’t talk with food in our mouth, and we don’t sit on our feet and rock back and forth on our chair…you get the idea). We are working on manners, but we have been for some time, and the progress is rather slow. I’d love to hear ideas on this too. I have a hard time getting them to buy in and really care about having good manners. If it’s really bad, I have been known to send them away with no more food…but not often. Usually it’s not THAT bad.
I would like to do the following with everyone in the morning: Bible (briefly), memory work, LDTRFC or some other short story to kickstart the “habit thinking” for the day, prayer and a hymn (most, but not all, every day). But we aren’t good at it at all yet. Specifically, I am wondering how you make it work for all ages to be quiet (maybe I need to give up the idea of doing it at meal time?) and what order/how long your family studies are each day. My kids are 1 1/2, 4, immature 7, 9, and 15. I need some ideas about what to keep and what to let go. Here are some of my challenges and uncertainties: It’s difficult to get my 15 yo engaged with LDTRFC or anything to do with habits, so I haven’t pressed it, but she would greatly benefit from work in this area. I’m not sure LDTRFC is really the best way to appeal to her on this though. So, I wonder if I should just do this part with the younger ones, and try to just mentor her separately in this area. We tried to do science together yesterday, and it completely fell apart! My plan was to talk about light and do a few experiments together…CHAOS! Younger kids excited but not staying on task…15 yo “wasting” precious time…my first thought was to give it up! My second thought, after some prayer, is to just read together and then do experiments with the younger kids that they can then show big sis after the chaos is over…and obviously, work on getting order so we can do group studies without falling apart. Big sis can probably just do experiments on her own for a while…or occasionally she can set something up and then show the younger ones. And I think I need to somehow make the connection between quiet time on a chair or blanket and doing the same at the table if we are to continue doing things at meal time. I have all these big ideas about things I want us to do together and figure out a plan to make it work, but the more I am willing to just let it go, and/or choose something from SCM to fill the slot, the better things go, and the happier we all are. But somehow, I still have a hard time letting go of all these “wonderful” ideas! The ideas I haven’t let go of yet (but might need to – some at least) are art, music, writing (letters, polish up a narration, creative writing…), science, nature study. I have a 45 minute time slot allowed for one of these things each day of the week, to gather the kids and do it together.
Thanks for listening!!
What we do in our family studies time varies depending on the time of year. The consistent beginning is we sing a hymn or children’s church song, someone prays, and we discuss some scripture or topic that we apply scripture to. This often is where character discussion comes in for us. When we read about Esther we talk about how she chose to have courage (do something right even though she was afraid) and how we can too.
After that we may read aloud a chapter of our family read aloud, or look at a piece of art, or listen to a music piece, or do science together (reading, activity or experiment), or have narrations about history readings (not everyone is reading or listening to the same book, though we stay on the same general topic). This makes it possible for the kids to have their reading and study reinforced and brings up lots of conversation between siblings when one mentions something and it reminds another child of something they learned that fits in. (We do require that you do not interrupt, you wait until they are finished speaking).
Is it quiet? Mostly during read aloud, but lots of comments during just about everything else (and we’ve worked on the quiet in read alouds for years). They all want to share and talk and help.
For your 15 year old – you may want to free them from the group work beyond the first few minutes. My 14 year old does science separate from the rest of the kids (next in age is 4 grades younger). So she may choose to sit and listen in a bit on the younger kids science or she may not. She does share in narration for history in the group usually.
I have found that if we can’t do all our family subjects in the morning in a row then the best time to do another family subject is after a meal – because we’re all gathered at the table and aren’t waiting for someone to come from another room.
For art – have one day a week where you do art, then they can do it on their own the rest of the time.
For writing – I often have all the kids 5th grade and under doing the same art project, but they do it at their own preferred time of the day. So one child may do writing first after group work while another may choose to do their writing last. The last few weeks two of my kids were writing a Doctor Who adventure. Each day they were given the same task. Sometimes they did it at the same time, other days not. The next child wanted to do an ABC writing where they come up with things for every letter of the alphabet related to a theme. (Ex: A is for Austen, the writer of this book. B is for Mr. Bingley, the congenial soul. C is for country homes. D is for dance, where Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy first meet.) The child after that is a non-reader so he told me what to write each day and I jotted it down. Again, my high schooler has a separate writing plan. That’s just the age she is at. She is working on writing novels this year.
Manners – yes, this is slow! One thing that helps – have a ‘manners meal’ each week where you all focus on one or two things to practice. Then have the kids pay attention at other meals to see if they can catch mom or dad breaking the rule. Oh, and this manners meal is a great time each week to use candles and other things to make it special. Also, consider planning a special dinner to invite a person to that the kids would enjoy listening to – a missionary, traveler, or someone who can tell stories from their childhood. Let them know it is coming up and you want to prepare by using your manners so that the person will feel comfortable in your home for dinner. (My kids didn’t realize that part of why we use manners is to make others feel comfortable eating with us, speaking with us, and being around us.)
I do morning time with only ds9, dd8, ds7, dd6 and a toddler – so no older ones yet but I’m not sure much would have to be changed in ours as they get older. Our morning time takes about an hour and I start at breakfast:
Proverbs
Prayer
Bible Reading
Read Aloud (Swiss Family Robinson, currently)
–clean up from breakfast and move to the family room
Hymn & Folk song
Memory Work (scripture and poetry
Read from one of the following – Shakespeare, Parables from Nature, Pilgrim’s Progress, Missionary Biography, Composer Study, Artist StudyThank you! As usual, I love your responses… The ideas, reinforcement, and validation of thoughts I’m considering. It so often helps just to compare what I do to what others do… That alone sheds light on things! I especially love the idea of kids narrating history they read on their own to the group. This would help give purpose and enjoyment to the task that is often hard to foster otherwise. Starting this tomorrow! 😉
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